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                                  True Romance
                                        
                                        
                                        
                                  Screenplay by
                                Quentin Tarantino
                                        
                                        
                                        
                   Typed with two bare fingers by Niki Wurster
      Removed from zip format and formatted in text format by Kale Whorton.






When you are tired of relationships, try a romance.



INT. BAR - NIGHT

A smoky cocktail bar downtown Detroit.

CLARENCE WORLEY, a young hipster hepcat, is trying to pick up an older lady
named LUCY. She isn't bothered by him, in fact, she's alittle charmed. But, you
can tell, that she isn't going to leave her barstool.

                    CLARENCE
    In "Jailhouse Rock" he's everything rockabilly's about. I mean he is
    rockabilly: mean, surly, nasty, rude. In that movie he couldn't give a fuck
    about anything except rockin' and rollin', livin' fast, dyin' young, and
    leaving a good-looking corpse. I love that scene where after he's made it
    big he's throwing a big cocktail party, and all these highbrows are there,
    and he's singing, "Baby You're So Square... Baby, I Don't Care". Now, they
    got him dressed like a dick. He's wearing these stupid-lookin' pants, this
    horrible sweater. Elvis ain't no sweater boy. I even think they got him
    wearin' penny loafers. Despite all that shit, all the highbrows at the
    party, big house, the stupid clothes, he's still a rude-lookin'
    motherfucker. I'd watch that hillbilly and I'd want to be him so bad. Elvis
    looked good. I'm no fag, but Elvis was good-lookin'. He was fuckin'
    prettier than most women. I always said if I ever had to fuck a guy... I
    mean had too 'cause my life depended on it... I'd fuck Elvis.

Lucy takes a drag from her cigarette.

                    LUCY
    I'd fuck Elvis.

                    CLARENCE
    Really?

                    LUCY
    When he was alive. I wouldn't fuck him now.

                    CLARENCE
    I don't blame you.
            (they laugh)
    So we'd both fuck Elvis. It's nice to meet people with common interests,
    isn't it?

Lucy laughs.

                    CLARENCE
    Well, enough about the King, how 'bout you?

                    LUCY
    How 'bout me what?

                    CLARENCE
    How 'bout you go to the movies with me tonight?

                    LUCY
    What are we gonna see?

                    CLARENCE
    A Donny Chiba triple feature. "The Streetfighter", "Return of the
    Streetfighter", and "Sister Streetfighter".

                    LUCY
    Who's Sonny Chiba?

                    CLARENCE
    He is, bar none, the greatest actor working in martial arts movies ever.

                    LUCY
            (not believing this)
    You wanna take me to a kung fu movie?

                    CLARENCE
            (holding up three fingers)
    Three kung fu movies.

Lucy takes a drag from her cigarette.

                    LUCY
            (laughing)
    I don't think so, not my cup of tea.


INT. DINGY HOTEL ROOM - DAY

The sounds of the city flow in through an open window: car horns, gun shots and
violence. Paint is peeling off the walls and the once green carpet is stained
black.

On the bed nearby is a huge open suitcase filled with clear plastic bags of
cocaine. Shotguns and pistols have been dropped carelessly around the suitcase.
On the far end of the room, against the wall, is a TV. "Bewitched" is playing.

At the opposite end of the room, by the front, is a table. DREXL SPIVEY and
FLOYD DIXON sit around. Cocaine is on the table as well as little plastic bags
and a weigher. Floyd is black, Drexl is a white boy, though you wouldn't know it
listen to him.

                    DREXL
    Nigger, get outta my face with that bullshit.

                    FLOYD
    Naw man, I don't be eatin' that shit.

                    DREXL
    That's bullshit.

BIG DON WATTS, a stout, mean-looking black man who's older than Drexl and Floyd.
Walks through the door carrying hamburgers and french fries in two greasy brown-
paper bags.

                    FLOYD
    Naw man, that's some serious shit.

                    DREXL
    Nigger, you lie like a big dog.

                    BIG D
    What the fuck are you talkin' about?

                    DREXL
    Floyd say he don't be eatin' pussy.

                    BIG D
    Shit, any nigger say he don't eat pussy is lyin' his ass off.

                    DREXL
    I heard that.

                    FLOYD
    Hold on a second, Big D. You sayin' you eat pussy?

                    BIG D
    Nigger, I eat everything. I eat pussy. I eat the butt. I eat every
    motherfuckin' thang.

                    DREXL
    Preach on, Big D.

                    FLOYD
    Look here. If I ever did eat some pussy - I would never eat any pussy -
    but, if I did eat some pussy, I sure as hell wouldn't tell no goddamn body.
    I'd be ashamed as a motherfucker.

                    BIG D
    Shit! Nigger you smoke enough sherm your dumb ass'll do a lot a crazy ass
    things. So you won't eat pussy? Motherfucker, you be up there suckin'
    niggers' dicks.

                    DREXL
    Heard that.

Drexl and Big D bump fists.

                    FLOYD
    Yeah, that's right, laugh. It's so funny, oh it's so funny.
            (he takes a hit off of a joint)
    There used to be a time when sisters didn't know shit about gettin' their
    pussy licked. Then the sixties came an' they started fuckin' around with
    white boys. And white boys are freaks for that shit -

                    DREXL
    - Because it's good!

                    FLOYD
    Then, after a while sisters use to gettin' their little pussy eat. And
    because you white boys had to make pigs out of yourselves, you fucked it up
    for every nigger in the world everywhere.

                    BIG D
    Drexl. On behalf of me and all the brothers who aren't here, I'd like to
    express our gratitude -

Drexl and Big D bust up.

                    FLOYD
    Go on pussy-eaters... laugh. You look like you be eatin' pussy. You got
    pussy-eatin' mugs. Now if a nigger wants to get his dick sucked he's got to
    do a bunch of fucked-up shit.

                    BIG D
    So you do eat pussy!

                    FLOYD
    Naw naw!

                    BIG D
    You don't like it, but you eat that shit.
            (to Drexl)
    He eats it.

                    DREXL
    Damn skippy. He like it, too.

                    BIG D
            (mock English accent)
    Me thinketh he doth protest too much.

                    FLOYD
    Well fuck you guys then! You guys are fucked up!

                    DREXL
    Why you trippin'? We jus' fuckin' with ya. But I wanna ask you a question.
    You with some fine bitch, I mean a brick shithouse bitch - you're with
    Jayne Kennedy. You're with Jayne Kennedy and you say "Bitch, suck my dick!"
    and then Jayne Kennedy says, "First things first, nigger, I ain't suckin'
    shit till you bring your ass over here and lick my bush!" Now, what do you
    say?

                    FLOYD
    I tell Jayne Kennedy, "Suck my dick or I'll beat your ass!"

                    BIG D
    Nigger, get real. You touch Jayne Kennedy she'll have you ass in Wayne
    County so fast -

                    DREXL
    Nigger, back off, you ain't beatin' shit. Now what would you do.

                    FLOYD
    I'd say fuck it!

Drexl and Big D get up from the table disgusted and walk away, leaving Floyd
sitting all alone.

Big D sits on the bed, his back turned to Floyd, watching "Bewitched".

                    FLOYD
            (yelling after them)
    Ain't no man have to eat pussy!

                    BIG D
            (not even looking)
    Take that shit somewhere else.

                    DREXL
            (marching back)
    You tell Jayne Kennedy to fuck it?

                    FLOYD
    If it came down to who eats who, damn skippy.

                    DREXL
    With that terrible mug of yours if Jayne Kennedy told you to eat her pussy,
    kiss her ass, lick her feet, chow on her shit, and suck her dog's dick,
    nigger, you'd aim to please.

                    BIG D
            (glued on TV)
    I'm hip.

                    DREXL
    In fact, I'm gonna show you what I mean with a little demonstration. Big D,
    toss me that shotgun.

Without turning away from "Bewitched" he picks up the shotgun and tosses it to
Drexl.

                    DREXL
            (to Floyd)
    All right, check this out.
            (referring to shotgun)
    Now, pretend this is Jayne Kennedy. And you're you.

    Then, in a blink, he points the shotgun at Floyd and blows him away.

Big D leaps off the bed and spins toward Drexl.

Drexl, waiting for him, fires from across the room.

The blast hits the big man in the right arm and shoulder, spinning him around.

Drexl makes a beeline for his victim and fires again.

Big D is hit with a blast, full in the back. He slams into the wall and drops.

Drexl collects the suitcase full of cocaine and leaves. As he gets to the front
door he surveys the carnage, spits and walks out.


EXT. CLIFF'S MOVING CAR - MORNING

A big white Chevy Nova is driving down the road with a sunrise sky as a
backdrop. The song "Little Bitty Tear" is heard a capella.


INT. CLIFF'S MOVING CAR - MORNING

Cliff  Worley is driving his car home from work, singing this song gently to the
sunrise. He's a forty-five-years-old ex-cop, at present a security guard. In
between singing he takes sips from a cup of take-out coffee. He's dressed in a
security guard uniform.


EXT. TRAILER PARK - MORNING

Cliff's Nova pulls in as he continues crooning. He pulls up to his trailer to
see something that stops him short.


Cliff's POV Through windshield

Clarence and a nice-looking YOUNG WOMAN are watching for him in front of his
trailer.


CLOSEUP - CLIFF

Upon seeing Clarence, a little bitty tear rolls down Cliff's cheek.

BACK TO:


CLIFF'S POV

Clarence and the Young Woman walk over to the car. Clarence sticks his face
through the driver's side window.

                    CLARENCE
    Good Morning, Daddy. Long time no see.


INT. TRAILER HOME - MORNING

All three enter the trailer home.

                    CLIFF
    Excuse the place, I haven't been entertaining company as of late. Sorry if
    I'm acting a little dense, but you're the last person in the world I
    expected to see this morning.

Clarence and the Young Girl walk into the living room.

                    CLARENCE
    Yeah, well, tha's OK, Daddy, I tend to have that effect on people. I'm
    dyin' on thirst, you got anything to drink?

He moves past Cliff and heads straight for his refridgerator.

                    CLIFF
    I think there's a Seven-Up in there.

                    CLARENCE
            (rumaging around the fridge)
    Anything stronger?
            (pause)
    Oh, probably not. Beer? You can drink beer, can't you?

                    CLIFF
    I can, but I don't.

                    CLARENCE
            (closing the fridge)
    That's about all I ever eat.

Cliff looks at the Girl. She smiles sweetly at him.

                    CLIFF
            (to Girl)
    I'm sorry... I'm his father.

                    YOUNG GIRL
            (sticking her hand out)
    That's OK, I'm his wife.
            (shaking his hand vigorously)
    Alabama Worley, pleased to meetcha.

She is really pumping his arm, just like a used-car salesman. However, that's
where the similarities end; Alabama's totally sincere.

Clarence steps back into the living room, holding a bunch of little ceramic
fruit magnets in his hand. He throws his other arm around Alabama.

                    CLARENCE
    Oh yeah, we got married.
            (referring to the magnets)
    You still have these.
            (to Alabama)
    This isn't a complete set; when I was five I swallowed the pomegranate one.
    I never shit it out, so I guess it's still there. Loverdoll, why don't you
    be a sport and go get us some beer. I want some beer.
            (to Cliff)
    Do you want some beer? Well, if you want some it's here.

He hands her some money and his car keys.

                    CLARENCE
    Go to the liquor store -
            (to Cliff)
    Where is there a liquor store around here?

                    CLIFF
    Uh, yeah... there's a party store down 54th.

                    CLARENCE
            (to Alabama)
    Get a six-pack of something imported. It's hard to tell you what to get
    'cause different places have different things. If they got Fosters, get
    that, if not, ask the guy at the thing what the strongest imported beer he
    has. Look, since you're making a beer run, would you mind too terribly if
    you did a foot run as well. I'm fuckin' starvin' to death. Are you hungry
    too?

                    ALABAMA
    I'm pretty hungry. When I went to the store I was gonna get some
    Ding-Dongs.

                    CLARENCE
    Well, fuck that shit, we'll get some real food. What would taste good.
            (to Cliff)
    What do you think would taste good?

                    CLIFF
    I'm really not very -

                    CLARENCE
    You know what would taste good? Chicken. I haven't had chicken in a while.
    Chicken would really hit the spot about now. Chicken and beer, definitly,
    absolutely, without a doubt.
            (to Cliff)
    Where's a good chicken place around here?

                    CLIFF
    I really don't know.

                    CLARENCE
    You don't know the chicken places around where you live?
            (to Alabama)
    Ask the guy at the place where a chicken place is.

He gives her some more money.

                    CLARENCE
    This should cover it, Auggie-Doggie.

                    ALABAMA
    Okee-dokee, Doggie-Daddy.

She opens the door and starts out. Clarence turns to his dad as the door shuts.

                    CLARENCE
    Isn't she the sweetest goddamned girl you ever saw in your whole life? Is
    she a four alarm fire, or what?

                    CLIFF
    She seems very nice.

                    CLARENCE
    Daddy. Nice isn't the word. Nice is an insult. She's a peach. That's the
    only word for it, she's a peach. She even tastes like a peach. You can tell
    I'm in love with her. You can tell by my face, can't ya? It's a dead
    giveaway. It's written all over it. Ya know what? She loves me back. Take a
    seat, Pop, we gotta talk -

                    CLIFF
    Clarence, just shut up, you're giving me a headache! I can't believe how
    much like your mother you are. You're your fuckin' mother through and
    through. I haven't heard from ya in three years. Then ya show up all of a
    sudden at eight o'clock in the morning. You walk in like a goddamn
    bulldozer... don't get me wrong, I'm happy to see you... just slow it down.
    Now, when did you get married?

                    CLARENCE
    Daddy, I'm in big fuckin' trouble and I really need your help.

BLACK TITLE CARD: "HOLLYWOOD"


INT. OUTSIDE OF CASTING DIRECTOR'S OFFICER - DAY

FOUR YOUNG ACTORS are sitting on a couch with sheets of paper in their hands
silently mouthing lines. One of the actors is DICK RITCHIE. The casting
director, MARY LOUISE RAVENCROFT, steps into the waiting room, clip board in
hand.

                    RAVENCROFT
    Dick Ritchie?

Dick pops up from the pack.

                    DICK
    I'm me... I mean, that's me.

                    RAVENCROFT
    Step inside.


INT.  CASTING DIRECTOR'S OFFICE - DAY

She sits behind a large desk. Her name-plate rests on the desktop. Several
posters advertising "The Return of T.J. Hooker" hang on the wall.

Dick sits in a chair, holding his sheets in his hands.

                    RAVENCROFT
    Well, the part you're reading for is one of the bad guys. There's Brian and
    Marty. Peter Breck's already been cast as Brian. And you're reading for the
    part of Marty. Now in this scene you're both in a car and Bill Shatner's
    hanging on the hood.  And what you're trying to do is get him off.
            (she picks a up a copy of the script)
    Whenever you're ready.

                    DICK
            (reading and miming driving)
    Where'd you come from?

                    RAVENCROFT
            (reading from the script lifelessly)
    I don't know. He just appeared as magic.

                    DICK
            (reading from script)
    Well, don't just sit there, shoot him.

She puts her script down, and smiles at him.

                    RAVENCROFT
    That was very good.

                    DICK
    Thank you.

                    RAVENCROFT
    If we decided on making him a New York type, could you do that?

                    DICK
    Sure. No problem.

                    RAVENCROFT
    Could we try it now?

                    DICK
    Absolutely.

Dick picks up the script and begins, but this time with a Brooklyn accent.

                    DICK
    Where'd he come from?

                    RAVENCROFT
            (monotone, as before)
    I don't know. He just appeared as magic.

                    DICK
    Well, don't just sit there, shoot him.

Ravencroft puts her script down.

                    RAVENCROFT
    Well, Mr. Ritchie, I'm impressed. You're a very fine actor.

Dick smiles.


INT. TRAILER HOME - DAY

Cliff's completely aghast. He just stares, unable to come to grips with what
Clarence has told him.

                    CLARENCE
    Look, I don't know this is pretty heavy-duty, so if you wanna explode, feel
    free.

                    CLIFF
    You're always making jokes. That's what you do, isn't it? Make jokes.
    Making jokes is the one thing you're good at, isn't it? But if you make a
    joke about this -
            (raising his voice)
    - I'm gonna go completely out of my fuckin' head!

Cliff pauses and collects himself.

                    CLIFF
    What do you want from me?

                    CLARENCE
    What?

                    CLIFF
    Stop acting like an infant. You're here because you want me to help you in
    some way. What do you need from me? You need money?

                    CLARENCE
    Do you still have friends on the force?

                    CLIFF
    Yes, I still have friends on the force.

                    CLARENCE
    Could you find out if they know anythin'? I don't know they know shit about
    us. But I don't wanna think, I wanna know. You could find out for sure
    what's goin' on.
            (pause)
    Daddy?

                    CLIFF
    What makes you think I could do that?

                    CLARENCE
    You were a cop.

                    CLIFF
    What makes you think I would do that?

                    CLARENCE
    I'm your son.

                    CLIFF
    You got it all worked out, don't you?

                    CLARENCE
    Look, goddamnit, I never asked you for a goddamn thing! I've tried to make
    your parental obligation as easy as possible. After Mom divorced you, did I
    ask you for anything? When I wouldn't see ya for six months to a year at a
    time, did you ever get your shit about it? No, it was always "OK", "No
    problem", "You're a busy guy, I understand". The whole time you were a
    drunk, did I ever point my finger at you and talk shit? No! Everybody else
    did. I never did. You see, I know that you're just a bad parent. You're not
    really very good at it. But I know you love me. I'm basically a pretty
    resourceful guy. If I didn't really need it I wouldn't ask. And if you say
    no, don't worry about it. I'm gone. No problems.

Alabama walks in through the door carrying a shopping bag.

                    ALABAMA
    The forager's back.

                    CLARENCE
    Thank God. I could eat a horse if you slap enough catsup on it.

                    ALABAMA
    I didn't get any chicken.

                    CLARENCE
    How come?

                    ALABAMA
    It's nine o'clock in the morning. Nothing's open.


INT. TRAILER HOME - BEDROOM - DAY

Cliff's on the telephone in his bedroom, pacing as he talks. The living room od
the trailer can be seen from his doorway, where Clarence and Alabama are horsing
around. They giggle and cut up throughout the scene. As Cliff talks, all the
noise and hubbub of a police station comes through over the line. He's talking
to DETECTIVE WILSON, an old friend of his from the force.

We see both inside the conversation.

                    CLIFF
    It's about that pimp that was shot a couple of days ago, Drexl Spivey.

                    WILSON
    What about him?

                    CLIFF
    Well, Ted, to tell you the truth, I found out through the grapevine that it
    might be, and I only said might be, the Drexl Spivey that was responsible
    for that restaurant break-in on Riverdale.

                    WILSON
    Are you still working security for Foster & Langley?

                    CLIFF
    Yeah, and the restaurant's on my route. And you know, I stuck my nose in
    for the company to try to put a stop to some of these break-ins. Now, while
    I have no proof, the name Drexl Spivey kept comin' up Who's case is it?

                    WILSON
    McTeague.

                    CLIFF
    I don't know him. Is he a nice guy? You think he'll help me out?

                    WILSON
    I don't see why not. When you gonna come round and see my new place?

                    CLIFF
    You and Robin moved?

                    WILSON
    Shit, are you behind. Me and Robin got a divorce six months ago. Got myself
    a new place - mirrors all over the bedroom, ceiling fans above the bed.
    Guy'd have to look as ugly as King Kong not to get laid in this place. I'm
    serious, a guy'd have to look like a gorilla.

CUT TO:


EXT. TRAILER HOME - DAY

Clarence and Cliff stand by Clarence's 1965 red Mustang. Alabama's amusing
herself by doing cartwheels and handstands in the background.

                    CLIFF
    They have nothing. In fact, they think it's drug related.

                    CLARENCE
    Do tell. Why drug related?

                    CLIFF
    Apparently, Drexl had a big toe stuck in shit like that.

                    CLARENCE
    No shit?

                    CLIFF
    Yeah. Drexl had an association with a fella named Blue Lou Boyle. Name mean
    anything to you?

                    CLARENCE
    Nope.

                    CLIFF
    If you don't hang around in this circle, no reason it should.

                    CLARENCE
    Who is he?

                    CLIFF
    Gangster. Drug Dealer. Somebody you don't want on your ass. Look, Clarence,
    the more I hear about this Drexl fucker, the more I think you did the right
    thing. That guy wasn't just some wild flake.

                    CLARENCE
    That's what I've been tellin' ya. The guy was like a mad dog. So the cops
    aren't looking for me?

                    CLIFF
    Naw, until they hear something better they'll assume Drexl and Blue Lou had
    a falling out. So, once you leave twon, I wouldn't worry about it.

Clarence sticks his hand out to shake. Cliff takes it.

                    CLARENCE
    Thanks a lot, Daddy. You really came through for me.

                    CLIFF
    I got some money I can give you -

                    CLARENCE
    Keep it.

                    CLIFF
    Well, son, I want you to know I hope everything works out with you and
    Alabama. I like her. I think you make a cute couple.

                    CLARENCE
    We do make a cute couple, don't we?

                    CLIFF
    Yeah, well, just stay outta trouble. Remeber, you got a wife to think
    about. Quit fuckin' around.
            (pause)
    I love you son.

They hug each other,

Clarence takes a pice of paper out and puts it into Cliff's hand.

                    CLARENCE
    This is Dick's number in Hollywood. We don't know where we'll be, but you
    can get a hold of me through him.

Clarence turns toward Alabama and yells to her.

                    CLARENCE
    Bama, we're outta here. Kiss Pops goodbye,

Alabama runs across from where she was and throws her arms around Cliff and
gives him a big smackeroo on the lips. Cliff's a little startled. Alabama's
bubbling like a Fresca.

                    ALABAMA
    Bye, Daddy! Hope to see you again real soon.

                    CLARENCE
            (mock anger)
    What kind of daughterly smackeroo was that?

                    ALABAMA
    Oh, hush up.

The two get into the Mustang.

                    CLARENCE
            (to Cliff)
    We'll send you a postcard as soon as we get to Hollywood.

Clarence starts the engine. The convertible roof opens as they talk.

                    CLIFF
    Bama, you take care of that one for me. Keep him out of trouble.

                    ALABAMA
    Don't worry, Daddy, I'm keepin' this fella on a short leash.

Clarence, slowly, starts driving away.

                    CLARENCE
            (to Cliff)
    As the sun sets slowly in the west we bid a fond farewell to all the
    friends we've made... and, with a touch of melancholy, we look forward to
    the time when we will all be together again.

Clarence peels out, shooting a shower of gravel up in the air.

As the Mustang disappears Cliff runs his tongue over his lips.

                    CLIFF

    The-son-of-a-bitch was right... she does taste like a peach.


INT. DICK'S APARTMENT - DAY

Dick's apartment is standard issue for a young actor. Things are pretty neat and
clean. A nice stereo unit sits on the shelf. A framed picture of a ballet
dancer's feet hangs on the wall.

The phone rings, Dick answers.

                    DICK
    Hi, Dick here.


INT. HOTEL SUITE - LAS VEGAS - SUNSET

Top floor, Las Vegas, Nevada hotel room with a huge picture window overlooking
the neon-filled strip and the flaming red and orange sunset sky.

Clarence paces up and down with the telephone in his hand.

                    CLARENCE
            (big bopper voice)
    Heeeellllloooo baaaabbbbbyyyy!!!

Note: We intercut both sides of the conversation.

                    DICK
            (unsure)
    Clarence?

                    CLARENCE
    You got it.

                    DICK
    It's great to hear from you.

                    CLARENCE
    Well, you're gonna be seein' me shortly.

                    DICK
    You comin' to L.A.? When?

                    CLARENCE
    Tomorrow.

                    DICK
    What's up? Why're leavin' Detroit?

Clarence sits down on the hotel room bed. Alabama, wearing only a long T-shirt
with a big picture of Bullwinkle on it, crawls behind him.

                    CLARENCE
    Well, there's a story behind all that. I'll tell you when I see you. By the
    way, I won't be alone. I'm bringing my wife with me.

                    DICK
    Get the fuck outta here!

                    CLARENCE
    I'm a married man.

                    DICK
    Get the fuck outta here!

                    CLARENCE
    Believe it or not, I actually tricked a girl into falling in love with me.
    I'm not quite sure how I did it. I'd hate to have to do it again. But I did
    it. Wanna say hi to my better half?

Before Dick can respond Clarence puts Alabama on the phone.

                    ALABAMA
    Hi, Dick. I'm Alabama Worley.

                    DICK
    Hello, Alabama.

                    ALABAMA
    I can't wait to meet you. Clarence told me all about you. He said you were
    his best friend. So, I guess that makes you my best friend, too.

Clarence start dictating to her what to say.

                    CLARENCE
    Tell him we gotta go.

                    ALABAMA
    Clarence says we gotta be hittin' it.

                    DICK
    What?

                    CLARENCE
    Tell him we'll be hittin' his area some time tomorrow.

                    ALABAMA
    He said don't go nowhere. We'll be there some time tomorrow.

                    DICK
    Wait a minute -

                    CLARENCE
    Tell him not to eat anything. We're gonna scarf when we get there.

                    ALABAMA
    Don't eat anything.

                    DICK
    Alabama, could you tell Clar -

                    CLARENCE
    Ask him if he got the letter.

                    ALABAMA
    Did you get the letter?

                    DICK
    What letter?

                    ALABAMA
            (to Clarence)
    What letter?

                    CLARENCE
    The letter I sent.

                    ALABAMA
            (to Dick)
    The letter he sent.

                    DICK
    Clarence sent a letter?

                    CLARENCE
    Has he gotten his mail today?

                    ALABAMA
    Gotten your mail yet?

                    DICK
    Yeah, my room-mate leaves it on the TV.

                    ALABAMA
            (to Clarence)
    Yes.

                    CLARENCE
    Has he looked through it yet?

                    ALABAMA
            (to Dick)
    Ya looked through it?

                    DICK
    Not yet.

                    ALABAMA
            (to Clarence)
    Nope.

                    CLARENCE
    Tell him to look through it.

                    ALABAMA
            (to Dick)
    Get it.

                    DICK
    Let me speak to Clarence.

                    ALABAMA
            (to Clarence)
    He wants to speak with you.

                    CLARENCE
    No time. Gotta go. Just tell him to read the letter, the letter explains
    all. Tell him I love him. And tell him, as of tomorrow, all his money
    problems are over.

                    ALABAMA
            (to Dick)
    He can't. We gotta go, but he wants you to read the letter. The letter
    explains it all. He wants you to know he loves you. And he wants you to
    know that as of tomorrow, all of your money problems are over.

                    DICK
    Money problems?

                    CLARENCE
    Now tell him goodbye.

                    ALABAMA
    Bye-bye.

                    CLARENCE
    Now hang up.

She hangs up the phone.


INT. DICK'S APARTMENT - DAY

Dick hears the click on the other end.

                    DICK
    Hello, hello, Clarence? Clarence's wife?... I mean Alabama... hello?

Extremely confused, Dick jangs up the phone. He goes over to the TV and picks up
the day's mail. He goes through it.

BILL: Southern California Gas Company.

BILL: Group W.

BILL: Fossenkemp Photography.

BILL: Columbia Record and Tape Club.

LETTER: It's obviously from Clarence. Addressed to Dick. Dick opens it.


EXT. TRAILER - DAY

A lower-middle-class trailer park named Astro World, which has a neon sign in
front of it in the shape of a planet.

A big, white Chevy Nova pulls into the park. It parks by a trailer that's
slightly less kept up than the others. Cliff gets out of the Chevy. He's
drinking out of a fast-food soda cup as he opens the door to his trailer.


INT. TRAILER - DAY

He steps inside the doorway and then, before he knows it, a gun is pressed to
his temple and a big hand grabs his shoulder.

                    GUN CARRIER (DARIO)
    Welcome home, alchy. We're havin' a party.

Cliff is roughly shoved into his living room. Waiting for him are four men,
standing: VIRGIL, FRANKIE (young Wise-guy) LENNY (an old Wise-guy), and Tooth-
pick Vic (a fireplug pitbull type).

Sitting in Cliff's recliner is VINCENZO COCCOTTI, the Frank Nitti to Detroid mob
leader Blue Lou Boyle.

Cliff is knocked to his knees. He looks up and sees the sitting Coccotti. Dario
and Lenny pick him up and roughly drop him in a chair.

                    COCCOTTI
            (to Frankie)
    Tell Tooth-pick Vic to go outside and do you-know-what.

In Italian Frankie tells Tooth-pick Vic what Coccotti said. He nods and exits.

Cliff's chair is moved closer to Coccotti's. Dario stands on one side of Cliff.
Frankie and Lenny ransack the trailer. Virgil has a bottle of Chivas Regal in
his hand, but he has yet to touch a drop.

                    COCCOTTI
    Do you know who I am, Mr. Worley?

                    CLIFF
    I give up. Who are you?

                    COCCOTTI
    I'm the Anti-Christ. You get me in a vendetta kind of mood, you will tell
    the angels in heaven that you had never seen pure evil so singularly
    personified as you did in the face of the man who killed you. My name is
    Vincenzo Coccotti. I work as a counsel for Mr. Blue Lou Boyle, the man your
    son stole from. I hear you were once a cop so I assume you've heard od us
    before. Am I correct?

                    CLIFF
    I've heard of Blue Lou Boyle.

                    COCCOTTI
    I'm glad. Hopefully that will clear up the how-full-of-shit-I-am question
    you've been asking yourself. Now, we're gonna have a little Q and A, and,
    at the risk of sounding redundant, please make your answers genuine.
            (taking out a pack of Chesterfields)
    Want a Chesterfield?

                    CLIFF
    No.

                    COCCOTTI
            (as he lights up)
    I have a son of my own. About you boy's age. I can imagine how painful this
    must be for you. But Clarence and that bitch-whore girlfriend of his
    brought this all on themselves. And I implore you not to go down the road
    with 'em. You can always take comfort in the fact that you never had a
    choice.

                    CLIFF
    Look, I'd help ya if I could, but I haven't seen Clarence -

Before Cliff can finish his sentence, Coccotti slams him hard in the nose with
his fist.

                    COCCOTTI
    Smarts, don't it? Gettin' slammed in the nose fucks you all up. You got
    that pain shootin' through your brain. Your eyes fill up with water. It
    ain't any kind of fun. But what I have to offer you. That's as good as it's
    ever gonna get, and it won't ever get that good again. We talked to your
    neighbors. They saw a Mustang, a red Mustang, Clarence's red Mustang,
    parked in front of your trailer yesterday. Mr. Worley, have you seen your
    son?

Cliff's defeated.

                    CLIFF
    I've seen him.

                    COCCOTTI
    Now I can't be sure of how much of what he told you. So in the chance
    you're in the dark about some of this, let me shed some light. That whore
    your boy hangs around with, her pimp is an associate of mine, and I don't
    just mean pimpin', in other affairs he works for me in a courier capacity.
    Well, apparently, that dirty little whore found out when we're gonna do
    some business, 'cause your son, the cowboy and his flame, came in the room
    blastin' and didn't stop till they were pretty sure everybody was dead.

                    CLIFF
    What are you talkin' about?

                    COCCOTTI
    I'm talkin' about a massacre. They snatched my narcotics and hightailed it
    outta there. Wouldda gotten away with it, but your son, fuckhead that he
    is, left his driver's license in a dead guy's hand. A whore hiding in the
    commode filled in all the blanks.

                    CLIFF
    I don't believe you.

                    COCCOTTI
    That's of minor importance. But what's of major fuckin' importance is that
    I believe you. Where did they go?

                    CLIFF
    On their honeymoon.

                    COCCOTTI
    I'm gettin' angry askin' the same question a second time. Where did they
    go?

                    CLIFF
    They didn't tell me.

Coccotti looks at him.

                    CLIFF
    Now, wait a minute and listen. I haven't seen Clarence in three years.
    Yesterday he shows up here with a girl, sayin' he got married. He told me
    he needed some quick cash for a honeymoon, so he asked if he could borrow
    five hundred dollars. I wanted to help him out so I wrote out a check. We
    went to breakfast and that's the last I saw of him. So help me God. They
    never thought to tell me where they were goin'. And I never thought to ask.

Coccotti looks at him for a long moment. He then gives Virgil a look. Virgil,
quick as greased lightning, grabs Cliff's hand and turns it palm up. He then
whips out a butterfly knife and slices Cliff's palm open and pours Chivas Regal
on the wound. Cliff screams.

Coccotti puffs on a Chesterfield.

Tooth-pic Vic returns to the trailer, and reports in Italian that there's
nothing in the car.

Virgil walks into the kitchen and gets a dishtowel. Cliff holds his bleeding
palm in agony. Virgil hands him the dishtowel. Cliff uses it to wrap up his
hand.

                    COCCOTTI
    Sicilians are great liars. The best in the world. I'm a Sicilian. And my
    old man was the world heavyweight champion of Sicilian liars. And from
    growin' up with him I learned the pantomime. Now there are seventeen
    different things a guy can do when he lies to give him away. A guy has
    seventeen pantomimes. A woman's got twenty, but a guy's got seventeen. And
    if you know 'em like ya know your own face, they beat lie detectors to
    hell. What we got here is a little game of show and tell. You don't wanna
    show me nothin'. But you're tellin' me everything. Now I know you know
    where they are. So tell me, before I do some damage you won't walk away
    from.

The awful pain in Cliff's hand is being replaced by the awful pain in his heart.
He looks deep into Coccotti's eyes.

                    CLIFF
    Could I have one of those Chesterfields now?

                    COCCOTTI
    Sure.

Coccotti leans over and hands him a smoke.

                    CLIFF
    Got a match?

Cliff reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter.

                    CLIFF
    Oh, don't bother. I got one.
            (he lights the cigarette)
    So you're a Sicilian, huh?

                    COCCOTTI
            (intensly)
    Uh-huh.

                    CLIFF
    You know I read a lot. Especially things that have to do with history. I
    find that shit fascinating. In fact, I don't know if you know this or not,
    Sicilians were spawned by niggers.

All the men stop what they were doing and look at Cliff, except for Tooth-pic
Vic who doesn't speak English and so isn't insulted. Coccotti can't believe what
he's hearing.

                    COCCOTTI
    Come again?

                    CLIFF
    It's a fact. Sicilians have nigger blood pumpin' through their hearts. If
    you don't believe me, look it up. You see, hundreds and hundreds of years
    ago the Moors conquered Sicily. And Moors are niggers. Way back then,
    Sicilians were like the wops in northern Italy. Blond hair, blue eyes. But,
    once the Moors moved in there, they changed the whole country. They did so
    much fuckin' with the Sicilian women, they changed the blood-line for ever,
    from blond hair and blue eyes to black hair and dark skin. I find it
    absolutely amazing to think that to this day, hundreds of years later,
    Sicilians still carry that nigger gene. I'm just quotin' history. It's a
    fact. It's written. Your ancestors were niggers. Your great, great, great,
    great, great-grandmother was fucked by a nigger, and had a half-nigger kid.
    That is a fact. Now tell me, am I lyin'?

Coccotti looks at him for a moment then jumps up, whips out an automatic, grabs
hold of Cliff's hair, puts the barrel to his temple, and pumps three bullets
through Cliff's head.

He pushes the body violently aside. Coccotti pauses. Unable to express his
feelings and frustrated by the blood in his hands, he simply drops his weapon,
and turns to his men.

                    COCCOTTI
    I haven't killed anybody since 1974. Goddamn his soul to burn for eternity
    in fuckin' hell for makin' me spill blood on my hands! Go to this
    comedian's son's apartment and come back with somethin' that tells me where
    that asshole went so I can wipe this egg off of my face and fix this
    fucked-up family for good.

Tooth-pick Vic taps Frankie's shoulder and, in Italianm asks him what that was
all about.

Lenny, who has been going through Cliff's refridgerator, has found a beer. When
he closes the refridgerator door he finds a note held on by a ceramic banana
magnet that says: "Clarence in L.A.: Dick Ritchie (number and address)".

                    LENNY
    Boss, get ready to get happy.

TITLE CARD: "CLARENCE AND ALABAMA HIT L.A."


INT. DICK'S APARTMENT   - MORNING

Dick's asleep in a recliner. He's wearing his clothes from the night before. His
room-mate                     FLOYD is lying on the sofa watching TV.

The sound of our hands knocking on his door wakes Dick up. He shakes the bats
out of his belfry, opens the door, and finds the cutest couple in Los Angeles
standing in his doorway.

Clarence and Alabama immediately start singing "Hello My Baby" like the frog in
the old Chuck Jones cartoon.

                    CLARENCE/ALABAMA
    Hello my baby,
    Hello my honey,
    Hello my ragtime gal -

                    DICK
    Hi guys.

Alabama throws her arms around Dick, and gives him a quick kiss. After she
breaks, Clarence does the same. Clarence and Alabama walk right past Dick and
into his apartment.

                    CLARENCE
    Wow. Neat place.


INT. PINK'S HOT-DOG STAND - DAY

The Pink's employees work like skilled Benihana chefs as they assemble the
ultimate masterpiece hot-dog.


EXT. PINK'S HOT-DOG STAND - PATIO - DAY

Clarence, Alabama, and Dick are sitting at an outdoor table chowing down on
chili dogs. Alabama is in the middle of a story.

                    ALABAMA
    ... when my mom went into labor, my dad panicked. He never had a kid
    before, and crashed the car. Now, picture this: their car's demolished,
    crowd is starting to gather, my mom is yelling, going into contractions,
    and my dad, who was losing it before, is now completely screaming yellow
    zonkers. Then, out of nowhere, as if from thin air, this big giant bus
    appears, and the bus-driver says, "Get her in here.". He forgot all about
    his route and just drove straight to the hospital. So, because he was such
    a nice guy, they wanted to name the baby after him, as a sign of gratitude.
    Well, his name was Waldo, and no matter how grateful they were, even if
    I'da been a boy, they would't call me Waldo. So they asked Waldo where he
    was from. And, so there you go.

                    CLARENCE
    And here we are.

                    DICK
    That's a pretty amazing story.

                    CLARENCE
    Well, she's a pretty amazing girl. What are women like out here?

                    DICK
    Just like in Detroit, only skinnier.

                    CLARENCE
    You goin' out?

                    DICK
    Well, for the past couple of years I've been goin' out with girls from my
    acting class.

                    CLARENCE
    Good for you.

                    DICK
    What's so fuckin' good about it? Actresses are the most fucked-in-the-head
    bunch of women in the world. It's like they gotta pass a test of emotional
    instability before they can get their SAG card. Oh, guess what? I had a
    really good reading for "T.J. Hooker" the other day.

                    ALABAMA
    You're gonna be on "T.J. Hooker"?

                    DICK
    Knock wood.

He knocks the table and then looks at it.

                    DICK
    ... formica. I did real well. I think she liked me.

                    CLARENCE
    Did you meet Captain Kirk?

                    DICK
    You don't meet him in the audition. That comes later. Hope, hope.

                    ALABAMA
            (finishing her hot-dog)
    That was so good I am gonna have another.

                    DICK
    You can't have just one.

Alabama leaves to get another hot-dog. Clarence never takes his eyes off her.

                    DICK
    How much of that letter was on the up and up?

                    CLARENCE
    Every word of it.

Dick sees where Clarence's attention is.

                    DICK
    You're really in love, aren't you?

                    CLARENCE
    For the very first time in my life.
            (pause)
    Do you know what that's like?

Clarence is so intense Dick doesn't know how to answer.

                    DICK
            (regretfully)
    No, I don't
            (he looks at Alabama)
    How did you two meet?

Clarence leans back thoughtfully and takes a sip from his Hebrew cream soda.

                    CLARENCE
    Do you remember The Lyric?


INT. THE LYRIC THEATER - NIGHT

Sonny Chiba, as "Streetfighter" Terry Surki, drives into a group of guys, fists
and feet flying and whips ass on the silver screen.

Clarence sits, legs over the back of the chair in front of him, nibbling on
popcorn, eyes big as sourcers, and a big smile on his face.


EXT. THE LYRIC THEATER - NIGHT

A cab pulls up to the outside of The Lyric. The marquee carries the names of the
triple feature: "The Streetfighter", "Return of the Streetfighter" and "Sister
Streetfighter". Alabama steps out of the taxi cab and walks up to the box
office.

A box office girl reading comic looks at her.

                    ALABAMA
    One please.

                    BOX OFFICE GIRL
    Ninety-nine cents.

                    ALABAMA
    Which one is on now?

                    BOX OFFICE GIRL
"Return of the Streetfighter". It's been on about forty-five minutes.


INT. THE LYRIC THEATER - LOBBY - NIGHT

Alabama walks into the lobby and goes over to the concession stand. A young
usher takes care of her.

                    ALABAMA
    Can I have a medium popcorn? A super-large Mr. Pibb, and a box of Goobers.


INT.  THE LYRIC THEATER - NIGHT

It's still assholes and elbows on the screen with Sonny Chiba taking on all-
comers.

Alabama walks through the doors with her bounty of food. She makes a quick scan
of the theater. Not many people are there. She makes a beeline for the front
whick happens to be Clarence's area of choice. She picks the row of seats just
behind Clarence and starts asking her way down it.

Clarence turns and sees this beautiful girl all alone moving towards him. He
turns his attention back to the screen, trying not to be so obvious.

When Alabama gets right behind Clarence, her foot thunks a discarded wine
bottle, causing her to trip and spill her popcorn over Clarence.

                    ALABAMA
    Oh, look what happened. Oh god, I'm so sorry. Are you OK?

                    CLARENCE
    Yeah. I'm fine. It didn't hurt.

                    ALABAMA
    I'm the clumsiest person in the world.

                    CLARENCE
            (picking popcorn out of his hair)
    It's OK. Don't worry about it. Accidents happen.

                    ALABAMA
            (picking popcorn out of his hair)
    What a wonderful philosophy. Thanks for being such a sweetheart. You could
    have been a real dick.

Alabama sits back in her seat to watch the movie.

Clarence tries to wipe her out of his mind, which isn't easy, and get back into
the movie.

They both watch the screen for a moment. Then, Alabama leans forward and taps
Clarence on the shoulder.

                    ALABAMA
    Excuse me... I hate to bother you again. Would you mind too terribly
    filling me in on what I missed?

Jumping on this opportunity.

                    CLARENCE
    Not at all. I, this guy here, he's Sonny Chiba.

                    ALABAMA
    The oriental.

                    CLARENCE
    The oriental in black. He's an assasin. Now, at the beginning he was hired
    to kill this guy the cops had. So he got himself arrested. They take him
    into the police station. And he starts kickin' all the cops' asses. Now,
    while keepin' them at bay, he finds the guy he was supposed to kill. Does a
    number on him. Kicks the cops' asses some more. Kicks the bars out of the
    window. And jumps out into a getaway car that was waiting for him.

                    ALABAMA
    Want some Goobers?

                    CLARENCE
Thanks a lot.

                    ALABAMA
    I thought Sonny was the good guy.

                    CLARENCE
    He ain't so much good guy as he's just a bad motherfucker. Sonny don't be
    bullshittin'. He fucks dudes up for life. Hold on, a fight scene's coming
    up.

They both watch, eyes wide, as Sonny Chiba kicks asses.


TIME CUT:

On the screen, Sonny Chiba's all jacked up. Dead bodies lie all around him. THE
END (in Japanese) flashes on the screen.

The theater light go up. Alabama's now sitting in the next seat to Clarence.
They're both applauding.

                    ALABAMA
    Great movie. Action-packed!

                    CLARENCE
    Does Sonny kick ass or does Sonny kick ass?

                    ALABAMA
    Sonny kicks ass.

                    CLARENCE
    You shoulda saw the first original uncut version of the "Streetfighter". It
    was the only movie up to that time rated X for violence. But we just saw
    the R.

                    ALABAMA
    If that was the R, I'd love to see the X.

                    CLARENCE
    My name is Clarence, and what is yours?

                    ALABAMA
    Alabama Whitman. Pleased to meet ya.

                    CLARENCE
    Is that your real name? Really?

                    ALABAMA
    That's my real name, really. I got proof. See.

She shows Clarence her driver's license.

                    CLARENCE
    Well, cut my legs off and call me Shorty. That's a pretty original moniker
    there, Alabama. Sounds like a Pam Grier movie.
            (announcer voice)
    She's a sixteen-calibre kitten, equally equipped for killin' an' lovin'!
    She carried a sawed-off shotgun in her purse, a black belt around her
    waist, and the white-hot fire of hate in her eyes! Alabama Whitman is Pam
    Grier! Pray for forgiveness, Rated R... for Ruthless Revenge!


EXT. THE LYRIC THEATER - NIGHT

Clarence and Alabama are outside the theater. With the marquee lit up in the
background they both perform unskilled martial arts moves. Clarence and Alabama
break up laughing.

                    CLARENCE
    Where's your car? I'll walk you to it.

                    ALABAMA
    I took a cab.

                    CLARENCE
    You took a cab to see three kung fu movies?

                    ALABAMA
    Sure. Why not?

                    CLARENCE
    Nothing. It's just you're a girl after my own heart.

                    ALABAMA
    What time is it?

                    CLARENCE
    'Bout twelve.

                    ALABAMA
    I suppose you gotta get up early, huh?

                    CLARENCE
    No. Not particularly.
            (pause)
    How come?

                    ALABAMA
    Well, it's just when I see a really good movie I really like to go out and
    get some pie, and talk about it. It's sort of tradition. Do you like to eat
    pie after you've seen a good movie?

                    CLARENCE
    I love to get pie after a movie.

                    ALABAMA
    Would you like to get some pie?

                    CLARENCE
    I'd love some pie.


INT. DENNY'S RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Clarence and Alabama are sitting in a booth at an all-night Denny's. It's about
12:40 a.m. Clarence is having a piece of chocolate cream pie and a coke.
Alabama's nibbling on a peace of heated apple pie and sipping on a large Tab.

                    CLARENCE
    Well, enough about the King. How about you?

                    ALABAMA
    How 'bout me what?

                    CLARENCE
    Tell me about yourself.

                    ALABAMA
    There's nothing to tell.

                    CLARENCE
    C'mon. What're ya tryin' to be? The Phantom Lady?

                    ALABAMA
    What do you want to know?

                    CLARENCE
    Well, for starters, what do you do? Where're ya from? What's your favorite
    color? Who's your favorite movie star? What kinda music do you like? What
    are your turn-ons and turn-offs? Do you have a fella? What's the story
    behind you takin' a cab to the most dangerous part of town alone? And, in a
    theater full of empty seats, why did you sit by me?

Alabama takes a bite of pie, puts down her fork, and looks at Clarence.

                    ALABAMA
    Ask me them again. One by one.

                    CLARENCE
    What do you do?

                    ALABAMA
    I don't remember.

                    CLARENCE
    Where are you from.

                    ALABAMA
    Might be from Tallahassee. But I'm not sure yet.

                    CLARENCE
    What's your favorite color?

                    ALABAMA
    I don't remember. But off the top of my head, I'd say black.

                    CLARENCE
    What's your favorite movie star?

                    ALABAMA
    Burt Reynolds.

                    CLARENCE
    Would you like a bite of my pie?

                    ALABAMA
    Yes, I would.

Clarence scoops up a piece on his fork and Alabama bites it off.

                    CLARENCE
    Like it?

                    ALABAMA
    Very much. Now, where were we?

                    CLARENCE
    What kinda music do you like?

                    ALABAMA
    Phil Spector. Girl group stuff. You know, like "He's a Rebel".

                    CLARENCE
    What are your turn-ons?

                    ALABAMA
    Mickey Rourke, somebody who can appreciate the finer things in life, like
    Elvis's voice, good kung fu, and a tasty piece of pie.

                    CLARENCE
    Turn-offs?

                    ALABAMA
    I'm sure there must be something, but I don't really remember. The only
    thing that comes to mind are Persians.

                    CLARENCE
    Do you have a fella?

She looks at Clarence and smiles.

                    ALABAMA
    I'm not sure yet. Ask me again later.

                    CLARENCE
    What's the story behind you takin' a cab to the most dangerous part of town
    alone?

                    ALABAMA
    Apparently, I was hit on the head with something really heavy, giving me a
    form of amnesia. When I came to, I didn't know who I was, where I was, or
    where I came from. Luckily, I had my driver's license or I wouldn't even
    know my name. I hoped it would tell me where I lived but it had a
    Tallahassee address on it, and I stopped somebody on the street and they
    told me I was in Detroit. So that was no help. But I did have some money on
    me, so I hopped in a cab until I saw somethin' that looked familiar. For
    some reason, and don't ask me why, that theater looked familiar. So I told
    him to stop and I got out.

                    CLARENCE
    And in a theater full of empty seats, why did you sit by me?

                    ALABAMA
    Because you looked like a nice guy, and I was a little scared. And I sure
    couldda used a nice guy about that time, so I spilled my popcorn on you.

Clarence looks at her closely. He picks up his soda and sucks on the straw until
it makes that slurping sound. He puts it aside and stares into her soul.

A smile cracks on her face and develops into a big wide grin.

                    ALABAMA
    Aren't you just dazzled by my imagination, lover boy?
            (eats her last piece of pie)
    Where to next?


INT. COMIC BOOK STORE - NIGHT

It's about 1:30 a.m. Clarence has taken Alabama to where he works. It's a comic
book store called Heroes For Sale. Alabama thinks this place is super-cool.

                    ALABAMA
    Wow. What a swell place to work.

                    CLARENCE
    Yeah, I got the key, so I come here at night, hang out, read comic books,
    play music.

                    ALABAMA
    How long have you worked here?

                    CLARENCE
    Almost four years.

                    ALABAMA
    That's a long time.

                    CLARENCE
    I'm hip. But you know, I'm comfortable here. It's easy work. I know what
    I'm doing. Everybody who works here is my buddy. I'm friendly with most of
    the customers. I just hang around and talk about comic books all day.

                    ALABAMA
    Do you get paid a lot?

                    CLARENCE
    That's where trouble comes into paradise. But the boss let's you borrow
    some money if you need it. Wanna see what "Spiderman" number one looks
    like?

                    ALABAMA
    You bet. How much is that worth?

Clarence gets a box off the shelf.

                    CLARENCE
    Four hundred bucks.

                    ALABAMA
    I didn't even know they had stores that just sold comic books.

                    CLARENCE
    Well, we sell other things too. Cool stuff. "Man from U.N.C.L.E." Lunch
    boxes. "Green Hornet" board games. Shit like that. But comic books are main
    business. There's a lot of collectors around here.

She holds up a little GI Joe sized action figure of a black policeman.

                    ALABAMA
    What's that?

                    CLARENCE
    That's a "Rookies" doll. George Sanford Brown. We gotta lotta dolls.
    They're real cool. Did you know they came out with dolls for all the actors
    in "The Black Hole"? I always found it funny somewhere there's a kid
    playin' with a little figure of Earnest Borgnine.

He pulls a plastic-cased "Spiderman" comic form the box.

                    CLARENCE
    "Spiderman", number one. The one that started it all.

Clarence shows the comic book to Alabama.

                    ALABAMA
    God, Spiderman looks different.

                    CLARENCE
    He was just born, remember? This is the first one. You know that guy, Dr.
    Gene Scott? He said that the story of Spiderman is the story of Christ,
    just disguised. Well, I thought about that even before I heard him say it.
    Hold on, let me show you my favorite comic book cover of all time.

He pulls out another comic.

                    CLARENCE
    "Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos". One of the coolest series known to
    man. They're completely worthless. You can get number one for about four
    bucks. But that's one of the cool things about them, they're so cheap.
            (he opens one up)
    Just look at that artwork, will ya. Great stories. Great Characters. Look
    at this one.

We see the "Sgt. Fury" panels.

                    CLARENCE
    Nick's gotten a ring from his sweetheart and he wears it around his neck on
    a chain. OK, later in the story he gets into a fight with a Nazi bastard on
    a ship. He knocks the guy overboard, but the Kraut grabs ahold of his chain
    and the ring goes overboard too. So, Nick dives into the ocean to get it.
    Isn't that cool?

She's looking into Clarence's eyes. He turns and meets her gaze.

                    CLARENCE
    Alabama, I'd like you to have this.

Clarence hands her the "Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos" comic book that he
loves so much.


INT. CLARENCE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT

Clarence's bedroom is a pop culture explosion. Movie posters, pictures of Elvis,
anything you can imagine. The two walk through the door.

                    ALABAMA
    What a cool room!

She runs and does a jumping somersault into his bed.

Later. Alabama's sitting Indian-style going through Clarence's photo album.
Clarence is behind her planting little kisses on her neck and shoulders.

                    ALABAMA
    Oooooh, you look so cute in your little cowboy outfit. How old were you
    then?

                    CLARENCE
    Five.

She turns the page.

                    ALABAMA
    Oh, you look so cute as little Elvis.

                    CLARENCE
    I finally knew what I wanted when I grew up.


LATER - LIVING ROOM

Clarence and Alabama slow dance in the middle of his room to Janis Joplin's
"Piece of My Heart".

                    CLARENCE
    You know when you sat behind me?

                    ALABAMA
    At the movies?

                    CLARENCE
    Uh-huh, I was tryin' to think of somethin' to say to you, then I thought,
    she doesn't want me bothering her.

                    ALABAMA
    What would make you think that?

                    CLARENCE
    I dunno. I guess I'm just stupid.

                    ALABAMA
    You're not stupid. Just wrong.

They move to the music. Alabama softly, quietly sings some of the words to the
song.

                    ALABAMA
    I love Janis.

                    CLARENCE
    You know, a lot of people have misconceptions of how she died.

                    ALABAMA
    She OD'd, didn't she?

                    CLARENCE
    Yeah, she OD'd. But wasn't on her last legs or anythin'. She didn't take
    too much. It shouldn't have killed her. There was somethin' wrong with what
    she took.

                    ALABAMA
    You mean she got a bad batch?

                    CLARENCE
    That's what happened. In fact, when she died, it was considered to be the
    happiest time of her life. She'd been fucked over so much by men she didn't
    trust them. She was havin' this relationship with this guy and he asked her
    to marry him. Now, other people had asked to marry her before, but she
    couldn't be sure whether they really loved her or were just after her
    money. So, she said no. And the guy says, "Look, I really love you, and I
    wanna prove it. So have your lawyers draw up a paper that says no matter
    what happens, I can never get any of your money, and I'll sign it." So she
    did, and he asked her, and she said yes. And once they were engaged he told
    her a secret about himself that she never knew: he was a millionaire.

                    ALABAMA
    So he really loved her?

                    CLARENCE
    Uh-huh.

They kiss.


INT. CLARENCE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY

It's the next day, around 1 p.m. Clarence wakes up in his bed, alone. He looks
around, and no Alabama. Then he hears crying in the distance. He puts on a robe
and investigates.


INT. CLARENCE'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Alabama's wearing one of Clarence's old shirts. She's curled up in a chair
crying. Clarence approaches her. She tries to compose herself.

                    CLARENCE
    What's wrong, sweetheart? Did I do something? What did I do?

                    ALABAMA
    You didn't do nothing.

                    CLARENCE
    Did you hurt yourself?
            (he takes her foot)
    Whatd'ya do? Step on a thumbtack?

                    ALABAMA
    Clarence, I've got something to tell you. I didn't just happen to be at the
    theater. I was paid to be there.

                    CLARENCE
    What are you, a theater checker? You check up on the box office girls. Make
    sure they're not rippin' the place off.

                    ALABAMA
    I'm not a theater checker. I'm a call girl.

Pause.

                    CLARENCE
    You're a whore?

                    ALABAMA
    I'm a call girl. There's a difference, ya know.
            (pause)
    I don't know. Maybe there's not. That place you took me to last night, that
    comic book place.

                    CLARENCE
    "Heroes For Sale"?

                    ALABAMA
    Yeah, that one. Somebody who works there arranged to have me meet you.

                    CLARENCE
    Who?

                    ALABAMA
    I don't know. I didn't talk with them. The plan was for me to bump into
    you, pick you up, spend the night, and skip out after you fell asleep. I
    was gonna write you a note and say that this was my last day in America.
    That I was leaving on a plane this morning up to Ukraine to marry a rich
    millionaire, and thank you for making my last day in America my best day.

                    CLARENCE
    That dazzling imagination.

                    ALABAMA
    It's over on the TV. All it says is: "Dear Clarence." I couldn't write
    anymore. I didn't not want to ever see you again. In fact, it's stupid not
    to ever see you again. Las night... I don't know... I felt... I hadn't had
    that much fun since Girl Scouts. So I just said, "Alabama, come clean, Let
    him know what's what, and if he tells you to go fuck yourself then go back
    to Drexl and fuck yourself."

                    CLARENCE
    Who and what is a Drexl?

                    ALABAMA
    My pimp.

                    CLARENCE
    You have a pimp?

                    ALABAMA
    Uh-huh.

                    CLARENCE
    A real live pimp?

                    ALABAMA
    Uh-huh.

                    CLARENCE
    Is he black?

                    ALABAMA
    He thinks he is. He says his mother was Apache, but I suspect he's lying.

                    CLARENCE
    Is he nice?

                    ALABAMA
    Well, I wouldn't go so far as to call him nice, but he's treated me pretty
    decent. But I've only been there about four days. He got a little rough
    with Arlene the other day.

                    CLARENCE
    What did he do to Arlene?

                    ALABAMA
    Slapped her around a little. Punched her in the stomch. It was pretty
    scary.

                    CLARENCE
    This motherfucker sounds charming!

Clarence is on his feet, furious.

                    CLARENCE
    Goddamn it, Alabama, you gotta get the fuck outta there! How much longer
    before he's slappin' you around? Punchin' you in the stomach? How the fuck
    did you get hooked up with a douche-bag like this in the first place?

                    ALABAMA
    At the bus station. He said I'd be a perfect call girl. And that he knew an
    agency in California that, on his recommendation, would handle me. They
    have a very exclusive clientele: movie stars, big businessmen, total
    white-collar. And all the girls in the agency get a grand a night. At least
    five hundred. They drive Porsches, live in condos, have stockbrokers, carry
    beepers, you know, like Nancy Allen in "Dressed to Kill". And when I was
    ready he'd call 'em, give me a plane ticket, and send me on my way. He says
    he makes a nice finder's fee for finding them hot prospects. But no one's
    gonna pay a grand a night for a girl who doesn't know whether to shit or
    wind her watch. So what I'm doin' for Drexl now is just sorta learnin' the
    ropes. It seemed like a lotta fun, but I don't really like it much, till
    last night. You were only my third trick, but you didn't feel like a trick.
    Since it was a secret, I just pretended I was on a date. An, um, I guess I
    want a second date.

                    CLARENCE
    Thank you. I wanna see you again too. And again, and again, and again.
    Bama, I know we haven't known each other long, but my parents went together
    all throughout high school, and they still got a divorce. So, fuck it, you
    wanna marry me?

                    ALABAMA
    What?

                    CLARENCE
    Will you be my wife?

When Alabama gives her answer, her voice cracks.

                    ALABAMA
    Yes.

                    CLARENCE
            (a little surprised)
    You will?

                    ALABAMA
    You better not be fucking teasing me.

                    CLARENCE
    You better not be fuckin' teasin' me.

They seal it with a kiss.


LATER - THAT NIGHT

CLOSEUP - Alabama's wedding ring.

The newlyweds are snuggling up together onthe couch watching TV. The movie
they're watching is "The Incredible One-Armed Boxer vs. the Master of the Flying
Guillotine". Alabama watches the screen, but every so often she looks down to
admre the ring on her hand.

                    CLARENCE
    Did ya ever see "The Chinese Professionals"?

                    ALABAMA
    I don't believe so.

                    CLARENCE
    Well, that's the one that explains how Jimmy Wang Yu became the Incredible
    One-Armed Boxer.

We hear, off screen, the TV Announcer say:

                    TV ANNOUNCER
            (off)
    We'll return to Jimmy Wang Yu in... "The Incredible One-Armed Boxer vs. the
    Master of the Flying Guillotine", tonight's eight o'clock movie, after
    these important messages...

Clarence looks at the TV. He feels the warmth of Alabama's hand holding his. We
see commercials playing.

He turns in her direction. She's absent-mindedly looking at her wedding ring.

He smiles and turns back to the TV.

More commercials.

Dolly close on Clarence's face


FLASH ON:

Alabama, right after he proposed.

                    ALABAMA
    You better not be fucking teasing me.


FLASH ON:

In a cute, all-night wedding chapel. Clarence dressed in a rented tuxedo and
Alabama in a rented white wedding gown.

                    ALABAMA
    I do.

                    CLARENCE
    Thank you.


FLASH ON:

Clarence and Alabama, dressed in tux and gown, doing a lover's waltz on a
ballroom dance floor.


FLASH ON:

Clarence and Alabama in a taxi cab.

                    CLARENCE
    Hello, Mrs. Worley.

                    ALABAMA
    How do you do, Mr. Worley?

                    CLARENCE
    Top o' the morning, Mrs. Worley.

                    ALABAMA
    Bottom of the ninth . Mr. Worley. Oh, by the by, Mr. Worley, have you seen
    your lovely wife today?

                    CLARENCE
    Oh, you're speaking of my charming wife Mrs. Alabama Worley.

                    ALABAMA
    Of course. Are there others, Mr. Worley?

Moving on top of her.

                    CLARENCE
    Not for me.

He starts kissing her and moving her down on the seat. She resists.

                    ALABAMA
            (playfully)
    No no no no no no no no no...

                    CLARENCE
            (playfully)
    Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes...


FLASH ON:

A big mean-looking black man in pimp's clothes.

                    PIMP
    Bitch, you better git yo ass back on the street an' git me my money.

Pimp on street corner with his arm around Alabama, giving her a sales pitch to a
potential customer.

                    PIMP
    I'm tellin' you, my man, this bitch is fine. This girl's a freak! You can
    fuck 'er in the ass, fuck 'er in the mouth. Rough stuff, too. She's a freak
    for it. Jus' try not to fuck 'er up for life.


FLASH ON:

Pimp beating Alabama.

                    PIMP
    You holdin' out on me, girl? Bitch, you never learn!


FLASH ON:

Alabama passionately kissing the uninterested pimp.

                    PIMP
    Hang it up, momma. I got no time for this bullshit.


BACK TO:

TV showing kung fu film.


BACK TO:

Clarence's face. There's definitely something different about his eyes.

Clarence springs off the couch and goes into his bedroom. Alabama's startled by
his sudden movement.

                    ALABAMA
            (yelling after him)
    Where you goin', honey?

                    CLARENCE
            (off)
    I just gotta get somethin'.


INT. CLARENCE'S APARTMENT - BATHROOM - NIGHT

Clarence splashes water on his face, trying to wash away the images that keep
polluting his mind. Then, he hears a familiar voice.

                    FAMILIAR VOICE
            (off)
    Well? Can you live with it?

Clarence turns and sees that the voice belongs to Elvis Presley. Clarence isn't
surprised to see him.

                    CLARENCE
    What?

                    ELVIS
    Can you live with it?

                    CLARENCE
    Live with what?

                    ELVIS
    With that son-of-a-bitch walkin' around breathin' the same air as you? And
    gettin' away with it every day. Are you haunted?

                    CLARENCE
    Yeah.

                    ELVIS
    You wanna get unhaunted?

                    CLARENCE
    Yeah.

                    ELVIS
    Then shoot 'em. Shoot 'em in the face. And feed that boy to the dogs.

                    CLARENCE
    I can't believe what you're tellin' me.

                    ELVIS
    I ain't tellin' ya nothin'. I'm just sayin' what I'd do.

                    CLARENCE
    You'd really do that?

                    ELVIS
    He don't got no right to live.

                    CLARENCE
    Look, Elvis, he is hauntin' me. He doesn't deserve to live. And I do want
    to kill him. But I don't wanna go to jail for the rest of my life.

                    ELVIS
    I don't blame you.

                    CLARENCE
    If I thought I could get away with it -

                    ELVIS
    Killin' 'em's the hard part. Gettin' away with it's the easy part. Whaddaya
    think the cops do when a pimp's killed? Burn the midnight oil tryin' to
    find who done it? They couldn't give a flyin' fuck if all the pimps in the
    whole wide world took two in the back of the fuckin' head. If you don't get
    caught at the scene with the smokin' gun in your hand, you got away with
    it.

Clarence looks at Elvis.

                    ELVIS
Clarence, I like ya. Always have, always will.


INT. CLARENCE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT

CLOSEUP - A snub-nosed .38, which Clarence loads and sticks down his heavy
athletic sock.


INT. CALRENCE'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Clarence returns.

                    CLARENCE
    Sweetheart, write down your former address.

                    ALABAMA
    What?

                    CLARENCE
    Write down Drexl's address.

                    ALABAMA
    Why?

                    CLARENCE
    So I can go over there and pick up your things.

                    ALABAMA
            (really scared)
    No, Clarence. Just forget it, babe. I just wanna disappear from there.

He kneels down before her and holds her hand.

                    CLARENCE
    Look, sweetheart, he scares you. But I'm not scared of that motherfucker.
    He can't touch you now. You're completely out of his reach. He poses
    absolutely no threat to us. So, if he doesn't matter, which he doesn't, it
    would be stupid to lose your things, now wouldn't it?

                    ALABAMA
    You don't know him -

                    CLARENCE
    You don't know me. Not when it comes to shit like this. I have to do this.
    I need for you to know you can count on me to protect you. Now write down
    the address.

TITLE CARD: "CASS QUARTER, HEART OF DETROIT"


EXT. DOWNTOWN DETROIT STREET - NIGHT

It's pretty late at night. Clarence steps out of his red Mustang. He's right
smack dab in the middle of a bad place to be in daytime. He checks the pulse on
his neck; it's beating like a race horse. To pump himself up he does a quick
Elvis Presley gyration.

                    CLARENCE
            (in Elvis voice)
    Yeah... Yeah...

He makes a beeline for the front door of a large, dark apartment building.


INT. DARK BUILDING - NIGHT

He's inside. His heart's really racing now. He has the TV guide that Alabama
wrote the address on in his hand. He climbs a flight of stairs and makes his way
down a dark hallway to apartment 22, the residence of Drexl Spivey. Clarence
knock on the door.

A Young Black Man, about twenty years old, answers the door. He has really big
biceps and is wearing a black and white fishnet football jersey.

                    YOUNG BLACK MAN
    You want somethin'?

                    CLARENCE
    Drexl?

                    YOUNG BLACK MAN
    Naw, man, I'm Marty. Watcha want?

                    CLARENCE
    I gotta talk to Drexl.

                    MARTY
    Well, what the fuck you wanna tell him?

                    CLARENCE
    It's about Alabama.

A figure jumps in the doorway wearing a yellow Farah Fawcett T-shirt. It's our
friend, Drexl Spivey.

                    DREXL
    Where the fuck is that bitch?

                    CLARENCE
    She's with me.

                    DREXL
    Who the fuck are you?

                    CLARENCE
    I'm her husband.

                    DREXL
    Well. That makes us practically related. Bring your ass on in.


INT. DREXL'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Drexl and Marty about-face and walk into the room, continuing a conversation
they were having and leaving Clarence standing in the doorway. This is not the
confrontation Clarence expected. He trails in behind Drexl and Marty.

                    DREXL
            (to Marty)
    What was I sayin'?

                    MARTY
    Rock whores.

                    DREXL
    You ain't seen nothin' like these rock whores. They ass be young man. They
    got that fine young pussy. Bitches want the rock they be a freak for you.
    They give you hips, lips, and fingertips.

Drexl looks over his shoulder at Clarence.

                    DREXL
            (to Clarence)
    You know what I'm talkin' about.

Drexl gestures to one of the three stoned Hookers lounging about the apartment.

                    DREXL
            (to Marty)
    These bitches over here ain't shit. You stomp them bitches to death to get
    the kind of pussy I'm talkin' about.

Drexl sits down at a couch with a card table in front of it, scattered with take-
out boxes of Chinese food. A black exploitation movie is playing on TV.

                    DREXL
    Looky here, you want the bitches to really fly high, make your rocks with
    Cherry Seven-Up.

                    MARTY
    Pussy love pink rocks.

This is not how Clarence expected to confront Drexl, but this is exactly what he
expected Drexl to be like. He positions himself in front of the food table,
demanding Drexl's attention.

                    DREXL
            (eating with chopsticks, to Clarence)
    Grab a seat there, boy. Want some dinner? Grab yourself an egg roll. We got
    everything here from a diddle-eyed-Joe to a damned-if-I-know.

                    CLARENCE
    No thanks.

                    DREXL
    No thanks? What does that mean? Means you ate before you came down here?
    All full. Is that it? Naw, I don't think so. I think you're too scared to
    be eatin'. Now, see we're sittin' down here, ready to negotiate, and you've
    already given up your shit. I'm still a mystery to you. But I know exactly
    where your ass is comin' from. See, if I asked you if you wanted some
    dinner and you grabbed an egg roll and started to chow down, I'd say to
    myself, "This motherfucker's carryin' on like he ain't got a care in the
    world. Who know? Maybe he don't. Maybe this fool's such a bad motherfucker,
    he don't got to worry about nothin', he just sit down, eat my Chinese,
    watch my TV." See? You ain't even sat down yet. On that TV there, since you
    been in the room, is a woman with her titties hangin' out, and you ain't
    even bothered to look. You just been starin' at me. Now, I know I'm pretty,
    but I ain't as pretty as a couple of titties.

Clarence takes out an envelope and throws it on the table.

                    CLARENCE
    I'm not eatin' 'cause I'm not hungry. I'm not sittin' 'cause I'm not
    stayin'. I'm not lookin' at the movie 'cause I saw it seven years ago. It's
    "The Mack" with Max Julian, Carol Speed, and Richard Pryor, written by
    Bobby Poole, directed by Michael Campus, and released by Cinerama Releasing
    Company in 1984. I'm not scared of you. I just don't like you. In that
    envelope is some payoff money. Alabama's moving on to some greener
    pastures. We're not negotiatin'. I don't like to barter.  I don't like to
    dicker. I never have fun in Tijuana. That price is non-negotiable. What's
    in that envelope is for my peace of mind. My peace of mind is worth that
    much. Not one penny more, not one penny more.

You could hear a pin drop. Once Clarence starts talking Marty goes on full
alert. Drexl stops eating and the Whores stop breathing. All eyes are on Drexl.
Drexl drops his chopsticks and opens the envelope. It's empty.

                    DREXL
    It's empty.

Clarence flashes a wide Cheshire cat grin that says, "That's right, asshole."

Silence.

                    DREXL
    Oooooooooh weeeeeeee! This child is terrible. Marty, you know what we got
    here? Motherfuckin' Charles Bronson. Is that who you supposed to be? Mr.
    Majestyk? Looky here, Charlie, none of this shit is necessary. I ain't got
    no hold on Alabama. I just tryin' to lend the girl a helpin' hand -

Before Drexl finishes his sentence he picks up the card table and throws it at
Clarence, catching him of guard.

Marty comes up behind Clarence and throws his arm around his neck, putting him
in a tight choke hold.

Clarence, with his free arm, hits Marty hard with his elbow in the solar plexus.
We'll never know if that blow had any effect because at just that moment Drexl
takes a flying leap and tackles the two guys.

All of them go crashing into the stereo unit and a couple of shelves that hold
records, all of which collapse to the floor in a shower of LPs.

Marty, who's on the bottom of the pile, hasn't let go of Clarence.

Since Drexl's on top, he starts slamming fists into Clarence's face.

Clarence, who's sandwiched between these two guys, can't do a whole lot about
it.

                    DREXL
    Ya wanna fuck with me?
            (hits Clarence)
    Ya wanna fuck with me?
            (hits Clarence)
    I'll show ya who you're fuckin' wit!

He hits Clarence hard in the face with both fists.

Clarence, who has no leverage whatsoever, grabs hold of Drexl's face and digs
his nails in. He sticks his thumb in Drexl's mouth, grabs a piece of cheek, and
starts twisting.

Marty, who's in an even worse position, can do nothing but tighten his grip
aroud Clarence's neck, until Clarence feels like his eyes are going to pop out
of his head.

Drexl's face is getting torn up, but he's also biting down hard on Clarence's
thumb.

Clarence raises his head and brings it down fast, crunching Marty's face, and
busting his nose.

Marty loosens his grip around Clarence's neck. Clarence wiggles free and gets up
on his knees.

Drexl and Clarence are now on an even but awkward footing. The two are going at
each other like a pair of alley cats, not aiming their punches, keeping them
coming fast and furious. They're not doing much damage to each other because of
their positions, it's almost like a hockey fight.

Marty sneaks up behind Clarence and smashes him in the head with a stack of LPs.
This disorients Clarence. Marty grabs him from behind and pulls him to his feet.

Drexl socks him in the face: one, two three! Then he kicks him hard in the
balls.

Marty lets go and Clarence hits the ground like a sack of potatoes. He curls up
into a fetal position and holds his balls, tears coming out of his eyes.

Drexl's face is torn up from Clarence's nails.

Marty has blood streaming down his face frim his nose and on to his shirt.

                    DREXL
            (to Marty)
    You OK? That stupid dumb-ass didn't break your nose, did he?

                    MARTY
    Naw. It don't feel too good but it's alright.

Drexl kicks Clarence, who's still on the ground hurting.

                    DREXL
            (to Clarence)
    You see what you get when you fuck wit me, white boy? You're gonna walk in
    my goddamn house, my house! Gonna come in here and tell me! Talkin' smack,
    in my house, in front of my employees. Shit! Your ass must be crazy.
            (to Marty)
    I don't think that white boy's got good sense. Hey, Marty.
            (laughing)
    He must of thought it was white boy day. It ain't white boy day, is it?

                    MARTY
            (laughing)
    Naw, man, it ain't white boy day.

                    DREXL
            (to Clarence)
    Shit, man, you done fucked up again. Next time you bogart your way into a
    nigger's crib, an' get all his face, make sure you do it on white boy day.

                    CLARENCE
            (hurting)
    Wannabee nigger...

                    DREXL
    Fuck you! My mother was Apache.

Drexl kicks him again. Clarence curls up.

Drexl bends down and looks for Clarence's wallet in his jacket.

Clarence still can't do much. The kick to his balls still has him down.

Drexl finds it and pulls it out. He flips it open to driver's license.

                    DREXL
    Well, well, well, looky what we got here. Clarence Worley. Sounds almost
    like a nigger name.
            (to Clarence)
    Hey, dummy.

He puts his foot on Clarence's chest. Clarence's POV as he looks up.

                    DREXL
    Before you bought your dumb ass through the door, I didn't know shit. I
    just chalked it up to au revoir Alabama. But, because you think you're some
    macho motherfucker, I know who she's with. You. I know who you are,
    Clarence Worley. And, I know where you live, 4900 116th  street, apartment
    48. And I'll make a million-dollar bet, Alabama's at the same address.
    Marty, take the car and go get 'er. Bring her dumb ass back here.

He hands Marty the driver's license. Maty goes to get the car keys and a jacket.

                    DREXL
            (to Marty)
    I'll keep lover boy here entertained.
            (to Clarence)
    You know the first thing I'll do when she gets here. I think I'll make her
    suck my dick, and I'll come all in her face. I mean it ain't nuttin' new.
    She's done it before. But I want you as a audience.
            (hollering to Marty)
    Marty, what the fuck are you doin'?

                    MARTY
            (off)
    I'm tryin' to find my jacket.

                    DREXL
    Look in the hamper. Linda's been dumpin' everybody's stray clothes there
    lately.

While Drexl has his attention turned to Marty, Clarence reaches into his sock
and pulls out the .38. he stick the barrel between Drexl's legs. Drexl, who's
standing over Clarence, looks down just in time to see Clarence pull the trigger
and blow his balls to bits. Tiny spots of blood speckle Clarence's face.

Drexl shrieks in horror and pain, and falls to the ground.

                    MARTY
            (off)
    What's happening?

Marty steps into the room.

Clarence doesn't hesitate, he shoots Marty four times in the chest.

Two of three Hookers have run out of the front door, screaming. The other Hooker
is curled up in the corner. She's too stoned to run, but stoned enough to be
terrified.

Drexl, still alive, is laying on the ground howling, holding what's left of his
balls and his dick.

Clarence points the gun at the remaining Hooker.

                    CLARENCE
    Get a bag and put Alabama's thing in it!

She doesn't move.

                    CLARENCE
    You wanna get shot? I ain't got all fuckin' day, so move it!

The Hooker, tears of fear ruining her mascara, grabs a suitcase from under the
bed, and, on her hands and knees, pushes it along the floor to Clarence.

Clarence takes it by the handle and wobbles over to Drexl, who's curled up like
a pillbug.

CLOSEUP - Clarence's forgotten driver's license in Marty's bloody hand.

Clarence puts his foot on Drexl's chest.

                    CLARENCE
            (to Drexl)
    Open you eyes, laughing boy.

He doesn't. Clarence gives him a kick.

                    CLARENCE
    Open your eyes!

He does. It's now Drexl's POV from the floor.

                    CLARENCE
    You thought it was pretty funny, didn't you?

He fires.

CLOSEUP - The bullet comes out of the gun and heads right toward us. When it
reaches us, the screen goes awash in red.


INT. CLARENCE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

The front swings open and Clarence walks in. Alabama jumps off the couch and
runs toward Clarence, before she reaches him he blurts out:

                    CLARENCE
    I killed him.

She stops short.

                    CLARENCE
    I've got some food in the car, I'll be right back.

Clarence leaves. Except for the TV playing, the room is quiet. Alabama sits on
the couch.

Clarence walks back into the room with a whole bounty of take-out food. He heaps
it on to the coffee table and starts to chow down.

                    CLARENCE
    Help yourself. I got enough. I am fuckin' starvin'. I think I ordered one
    of everythin'.

He stops and looks at here.

                    CLARENCE
    I am so hungry.

He starts eating french fries and hamburgers.

                    ALABAMA
            (in a daze)
    Was it him or you?

                    CLARENCE
    Yeah. But to be honest, I put myself in that position. When I drove up
    there I said to myself, "If I can kill 'em and get away with it, I'll do
    it." I could. So I did.

                    ALABAMA
    Is this a joke?

                    CLARENCE
    No joke. This is probably the best hamburger I've ever had. I'm serious,
    I've never had a hamburger taste this good.

Alabama starts to cry. Clarence continues eating, ignoring her.

                    CLARENCE
    Come on, Bama, eat something. You'll feel better.

She continues crying. He continues eating and ignoring her. Finally he spins on
her, yelling:

                    CLARENCE
    Why are you crying? He's not worth one of your tears. Would you rather it
    had been me? Do you love him?
            (no answer)
    Do you love him?
            (no answer)
    Do you love him?

She looks at Clarence, having a hard time getting a word out.

                    ALABAMA
    I think what you did was...

                    CLARENCE
    What?

                    ALABAMA
    I think what you did...

                    CLARENCE
    What?

                    ALABAMA
    ... was so romantic.

Clarence is completely taken back. They meet in a long, passionate lovers' kiss.
Their kiss breaks and slowly the world comes back to normal.

                    CLARENCE
    I gotta get outta these clothes.

He picks up the suitcase and drops it on the table in front of them.

                    ALABAMA
            (comically)
    Clean clothes. There is a god,

Clarence flips open the suitcase. Alabama's and her husband's jaws drop.

                    ALABAMA
Clarence. Those aren't my clothes.

CUT TO:


EXT. HOLLYWOOD HOLIDAY INN - DAY

We see the Hollywood Holiday Inn sign. Pan to the parking lot where Clarence's
empty red Mustang is parked.


INT. HOLLYWOOD HOLIDAY INN - CALRENCE'S ROOM - DAY

CLOSEUP - Dick's jaw drops. His hand reaches out of shot.

CLOSEUP - The reason for all the jaw dropping... the suitcase is full of
cocaine!

Clarence smiles, holding a bottle of wine.

Alabama's watching the cable TV.

                    DICK
    Holy Mary, Mother of God.

                    ALABAMA
    This is great, we got cable.

                    CLARENCE
            (to Alabama)
    Bama, you got your blade?

Keeping her eyes on the TV, she pulls out from her purse a Swiss army knife with
a tiny dinosaur on it and tosses it to Clarence. Clarence takes off the
corkscrew and opens the wine.

He pours some wine into a couple of hotel plastic cups, a big glass for Dick, a
little one for himself. He hands it to Dick. Dick takes it and drinks.

                    DICK
    This shit can't be real.

                    CLARENCE
    It'll get ya high.

He tosses the knife.

                    CLARENCE
    Do you want some wine, sweetheart?

                    ALABAMA
    Nope. I'm not really a wine gal.

Using the knife, Dick snorts some of the cocaine. He jumps back.

                    DICK
    It's fuckin' real!
            (to Clarence)
    It's fuckin' real!

                    CLARENCE
    I certainly hope so.

                    DICK
    You've got a helluva lotta coke there, man!

                    CLARENCE
    I know.

                    DICK
Do you have any idea how much fuckin' coke you got?

                    CLARENCE
    Tell me.

                    DICK
    I don't know! A fuckin' lot!

He downs his wine. Clarence fills his glass.

                    DICK
    This is Drexl's coke?

                    CLARENCE
    Drexl's dead. This is Clarence's coke and Clarence can do whatever he wants
    with it. And what Clarence wants to do is sell it. Then me and Bama are
    gonna leave on a jet plane and spend the rest of our lives spendin'. So,
    you got my letter, have you lined up any buyers?

                    DICK
    Look, Clarence, I'm not Joe Cocaine.

Dick gulps half of his wine. Clarence fills up.

                    CLARENCE
    But you're an actor. I hear these Hollywood guys have it delivered to the
    set.

                    DICK
    Yeah, they do. And maybe when I start being a successful actor I'll know
    those guys. But most of the people I know are like me. They ain't got a pot
    to piss in or a window to throw it out of. Now, if you want to sell a
    little bit at a time -

                    CLARENCE
    No way! The whole enchilada in one shot.

                    DICK
    Do you have any idea how difficult that's gonna be?

                    CLARENCE
    I'm offering a half a million dollars worth of white for two hundred
    thousand. How difficult can that be?

                    DICK
    It's difficult because you're sellin' it to a particular group. Big shots.
    Fat cats. Guys who can use that kind of quantity. Guys who can afford two
    hundred thousand. Basically, guys I don't know. You don't know. And, more
    important, they don't know you. I did talk with one guy who could possibly
    help you.

                    CLARENCE
    Is he big league?

                    DICK
    He's nothing. He's in my acting class. But he works as an assistant to a
    very powerful movie producer named Lee Donowitz. I thought Donowitz could
    be interested in a deal like this. He could use it. He could afford it.

                    CLARENCE
    What'd'ya tell 'em?

                    DICK
    Hardly anything. I wasn't sure from your letter what was bullshit, and what
    wasn't.

                    CLARENCE
    What's this acting class guy's name?

                    DICK
    Elliot.

                    CLARENCE
    Elliot what?

                    DICK
    Elliot Blitzer.

                    CLARENCE
    OK, call 'im up and arrange a meeting, so we can get through all the
    getting to know you stuff.

                    DICK
    Where?

                    CLARENCE
            (to Alabama)
    The zoo.

                    CLARENCE
            (to Dick)
    The zoo.
            (pause)
    What are you waiting for?

                    DICK
    Would you just shut up a minute and let me think?

                    CLARENCE
    What's to think about?

                    DICK
    Shut up! First you come waltzing into my life after two years. You're
    married. You killed a guy.

                    CLARENCE
    Two guys.

                    DICK
    Two guys. Now you want me to help you with some big drug deal. Fuck,
    Clarence, you killed somebody and you're blowin' it off like it don't mean
    shit.

                    CLARENCE
    Don't expect me to be all broken up over poor Drexl. I think he was a
    fuckin', freeloadin', parasitic scumbag, and he got exactly what he
    deserved. I got no pity for a mad dog like that. I think I should get a
    merit badge or somethin'.

Dick rests his head in his hands.

                    CLARENCE
    Look, buddy, I realize I'm layin' some pretty heavy shit on ya, but I need
    you to rise to the occasion. So, drink some more wine. Get used to the
    idea, and get your friend to the phone.


EXT. LOS ANGELES ZOO - DAY

CLOSEUP - A black panther, the four-legged kind, paces back and forth.

Clarence, Alabama, Dick and Elliot Blitzer are walking through the zoo. One look
at Elliot and you can see what type of actor he is, a real GQ, blow-dry boy. As
they walk and talk, Clarence is eating a box of animal crackers and Alabama is
blowing soap bubbles.

                    ELLIOT
    So you guys got five hundred thousand dollars worth of cola that you're
    unloading -

                    CLARENCE
    Want an animal cracker?

                    ELLIOT
    Yeah, OK.

He takes one.

                    CLARENCE
    Leave the gorillas.

                    ELLIOT
    - that you're unloading for two hundred thousand dollars -

                    CLARENCE
    Unloading? That's a helluva way to describe the bargain of a lifetime.

                    DICK
            (trying to chill him out)
    Clarence...

                    ELLIOT
    Where did you get it?

                    CLARENCE
    I grow it on my window-sill. The lights really great there and I'm up high
    enough so you can't see it from the street.

                    ELLIOT
            (forcing a laugh)
    Ha ha ha. No really, where does it come from?

                    CLARENCE
    Coco leaves. You see, they take the leaves and mash it down until it's kind
    of a paste -

                    ELLIOT
            (turning to Dick)
    Look, Dick, I don't -

                    CLARENCE
            (laughing)
    No problem, Elliot. I'm just fuckin' wit ya, that's all. Actually, I'll
    tell you but you gotta keep it quiet. Understand, if Dick didn't assure me
    you're good people I'd just tell ya, none of your fuckin' business. But, as
    a sign of good faith, here it goes: I gotta friend in the department.

                    ELLIOT
    What department?

                    CLARENCE
    What do you think, eightball?

                    ELLIOT
    The police department?

                    CLARENCE
    Duh. What else would I be talking about? Now stop askin' stupid doorknob
    questions. Well, a year and a half ago, this friend of mine got access to
    the evidence room for an hour. He snagged this coke. But, he's a good cop
    with a wife and a kid, so he sat on it for a year and a half until he found
    a guy he could trust.

                    ELLIOT
    He trusts you?

                    CLARENCE
    We were in Four H together. We've known each other since childhood. So, I'm
    handling the sales part. He's my silent partner and he knows if I get
    fucked up, I won't drop dime on him. I didn't tell you nothin' and you
    didn't hear nothin'.

                    ELLIOT
    Sure. I didn't hear anything.

Elliot is more than satisfied. Clarence makes a comical face at Dick when
Elliot's not looking. Dick is wearing I-don't-believe-this-guy expresion.
Alabama is forever blowing bubbles.

CUT TO:


EXT. LOS ANGELES ZOO - SNACK BAR - DAY

We're in the snack bar area of the zoo. Alabama, Dick, and Elliot are sitting
around a plastic outdoor table. Clarence is pacing around the table as he talks.
Alabama is still blowing bubbles.

                    CLARENCE
            (to Elliot)
    Do I look like a beautiful blond with big tits and an ass that tastes like
    French vanilla ice-cream?

Elliot hasn't the slightest idea what that is supposed to mean.

                    ELLIOT
    What?

                    CLARENCE
    Do I look like a beautiful blond with big tits and an ass that tastes like
    French vanilla ice-cream?

                    ELLIOT
            (with conviction)
    No. No, you don't.

                    CLARENCE
    Then why are you telling me all this bullshit just so you can fuck me?

                    DICK
    Clarence...

                    CLARENCE
            (to Dick)
    Let me handle this.

                    ELLIOT
    Get it straight, Lee isn't into taking risks. He deals with a couple of
    guys, and he's been dealing with them for years. They're reliable. They're
    dependable. And, they're safe.

                    CLARENCE
    Riddle me this, Batman. If you're all so much in love with each other, what
    the fuck are you doing here? I'm sure you got better things to do with your
    time than walk around in circles starin' up a panther's ass. Your guy's
    interested because with that much shit at his fingertips he can play Joe
    fuckin' Hollywood till the wheels come off. He can sell it, he can snort
    it, he can play Santa Claus with it. At the price he's payin', he'll be
    everybody's best friend. And, you know, that's what we're talkin' about
    here. I'm not puttin' him down. Hey, let him run wild. Have a ball, it's
    his money. But, don't expect me to hang around forever waitin' for you guys
    to grow some guts.

Elliot has been silenced. He nods his head in agreement.


INT. PORSCHE - MOVING - MULHOLLAND DRIVE - DAY

Movie producer, Lee Donowitz, is driving his Porsche through the winding
Hollywood hills, just enjoying being rich and powerful. His cellular car phone
rings, he answers.

                    LEE
    Hello.
            (pause)
    Elliot, it's Sunday. Why am I talkin' to you on Sunday? I don't see enough
    of you during the week I gotta talk to you on Sunday? Why is it you always
    call me when I'm on the windiest street in L.A.?


BACK TO:


ELLIOT

Elliot is on the zoo payphone. Clarence is next to him. Dick is next to
Clarence. Alabama is next to Dick, blowing bubbles.

                    ELLIOT
            (on phone)
    I'm with that party you wanted me to get together with. Do you know what
    I'm talking about, Lee?

BACK TO:

LEE

Store-fronts whiz by in the background.

                    LEE
    Why the hell are you calling my phone to talk about that?

BACK TO:

ELLIOT

                    ELLIOT
    Well, he'd here right now, and he insists on talking to you.

BACK TO:


LEE

In the 7th street tunnel. Lee's voice echoes.

                    LEE
    Are you outta your fuckin' mind?

BACK TO:

ELLIOT

                    ELLIOT
    You said if I didn't get you on the -

Clarence takes the receiverout of Elliot's hand.

                    CLARENCE
            (into phone)
Hello, Lee, it's Clarence. At last we meet.


EXT. DICK'S APARTMENT - DAY

Virgil's knocking on Dick's door. Floyd (Dick's room-mate) answers.

                    VIRGIL
    Hello, is Dick Ritchie here?

                    FLOYD
    Naw, he ain't home right now.

                    VIRGIL
    Do you live here?

                    FLOYD
    Yeah, I live here.

                    VIRGIL
    Sorta room-mates?

                    FLOYD
    Exactly room-mates.

                    VIRGIL
    Maybe you can help me. Actually, who I'm looking for is a friend of ours
    from Detroit. Clarence Worley? I heard he was in town. Might be travelling
    with a pretty girl named Alabama. Have you seen him? Are they stayin' here?

                    FLOYD
    Naw, they ain't stayin' here. But, I know who you're talkin' about. They're
    stayin' at the Hollywood Holiday Inn.

                    VIRGIL
    How do you know? You been there?

                    FLOYD
    No, I ain't been there. But I heard him say. Hollywood Holiday Inn. Kinda
    easy to remember.

                    VIRGIL
    You're right. It is.


EXT. LOS ANGELES ZOO - PAYPHONE - DAY

Clarence is still on the phone with Lee.

                    CLARENCE
    Lee, the reason I'm talkin' with you is I want to open "Doctor Zhivago" in
    L.A. And I want you to distribute it.

BACK TO:


LEE

Stopped in the traffic on Sunset Boulevard.

                    LEE
    I don't know, Clarence, "Doctor Zhivago" is a pretty big movie.

BACK TO:

                    CLARENCE
    The biggest. The biggest movie you've ever dealt with, Lee. We're talkin' a
    lot of film. A man'd have ta be an idiot not to be a little cautious about
    a movie like that. And Lee, you're no idiot.

BACK TO:


LEE

He's still on Sunset Boulevard, the traffic's moving better now.

                    LEE
    I'm not sayin' I'm not interested. But being a distributer's not what I'm
    all about. I'm a film producer, I'm on this world to make good movies.
    Nothing more. Now, having my big toe dipped into the distribution end helps
    me on many levels.

Traffic breaks and Lee speeds along. The background whizzes past him.

                    LEE
            (continuing)
    But the bottom line is: I'm not Paramount. I have a select group of
    distributers I deal with. I buy their little movies. Accomplish what I
    wanna accomplish, end of story. Easy, business-like, very little risk.

BACK TO:

CLARENCE

                    CLARENCE
    Now that's bullshit, Lee. Every time you buy one of those little movies
    it's a risk. I'm not sellin' you something that's gonna play two weeks, six
    weeks, then go straight to cable. This is "Doctor Zhivago". This'll be
    packin' 'em in for a year and a half. Two years! That's two years you don't
    have to work with anybody's movie but mine.

BACK TO:


LEE

Speeding down a benchside road.

                    LEE
    Well, then, what's the hurry? Is it true the rights to "Doctor Zhivago" are
    in arbitration?

BACK TO:


                    CLARENCE
    I wanna be able to announce this deal at Cannes. If I had time for a
    courtship, Lee, I would. I'd take ya out, I'd hold your hand, I'd kiss you
    on the cheek at the door. But, I'm not in that position. I need to know if
    we're in bed together, or not. If you want my movie, Lee, you're just gonna
    have to come to terms with your Fear and Desire.

Pause. Clarence hands the phone to Elliot.

                    CLARENCE
            (to Elliot)
    He wants to talk ya.

                    ELLIOT
            (into phone)
    Mr. Donowitz?
            (pause)
    I told you, through Dick.
            (pause)
    He's in my acting class.
            (pause)
    About a year.
            (pause)
    Yeah, he's good.
            (pause)
    They grew up together.
            (pause)
    Sure thing.

Elliot hangs up the phone.

                    ELLIOT
    He says Wednesday at three o'clock at the Beverly Wilshire. He wants
    everybody there.
            (pointing to Clarence)
    He'll talk to you. If after talkin' to you he's convinced you're OK, he'll
    do business. If not, he'll say fuck it and walk out the door. He also wants
    a sample bag.

                    CLARENCE
    No problems on both counts.

He offers Elliot the animal crackers.

                    CLARENCE
    Have a cookie.

Elliot takes one.

                    ELLIOT
    Thanks.

He puts it in the mouth.

                    CLARENCE
    That wasn't a gorilla, was it?


EXT. HOLIDAY INN - DAY

The red Mustang with Clarence and Alabama pulls up to the hotel. Alabama hops
out. Clarence stays in.

                    ALABAMA
    You did it, Quickdraw. I'm so proud of you. You were like a ninja. Did I do
    my part OK?

                    CLARENCE
    Babalouey, you were perfect, I could hardly keep from busting up.

                    ALABAMA
    I felt so stupid just blowing those bubbles.

                    CLARENCE
    You were chillin', kind of creepy even. You totally fucked with his head.
    I'm gonna go grab dinner.

                    ALABAMA
    I'm gonna hop in the tub and get all wet, and slippery, and soapy. Then I'm
    gonna lie in the waterbed, not even both to dry off, and watch X-rated
    movies till you get your ass back to my lovin' arms.

They kiss.

                    CLARENCE
    We now return to "Bullit" already in progress.

He slams the Mustang in reverse and peels out of the hotel. Alabama walks her
little walk from the parking lot to the pool area. Somebody whistles at her, she
turns to them.

                    ALABAMA
    Thank you.

She gets to her door, takes out the key, and opens the door.


INT. HOLLYWOOD HOLIDAY INN - CALRENCE'S ROOM - DAY

She steps in only to find Virgil sitting on a chair placed in front of the door
with a sawed-off shotgun aimed right at her.

                    VIRGIL
            (calmly)
    Step inside and shut the door.

She doesn't move, she's frozen. Virgil leans forward.

                    VIRGIL
            (calmly)
    Lady. I'm gonna shoot you in the face.

She does exactly as he says. Virgil rises, still aiming the sawed-off.

                    VIRGIL
    Step away from the door, move into the bathroom.

She does. He puts the shotgun down on the chair, then steps closer to her.

                    VIRGIL
    OK, Alabama, where's our coke, where's Clarence, and when's he coming back.

                    ALABAMA
    I think you got the wrong room, my name is Sadie. I don't have any Coke,
    but there's a Pepsi machine downstairs. I don't know any Clarence, but
    maybe my husband does. You might have heard of him, he plays football. Al
    Lylezado. He'll be home any minute, you can ask him.

Virgil can't help but smile.

                    VIRGIL
    You're cute.

Virgil jumps up and does a mid-air kung fu kick which catches Alabama square in
the face, lifting her off the ground and dropping her flat on her back.


INT. MOVING RED MUSTANG - DAY

Clarence, in his car, driving to get something to eat, singing to himself.

                    CLARENCE
            (singing)
    "Land of stardust, land of glamour,
    Vistavision and Cinema,
    Everything about it is a must,
    To get to Hollywood, or bust..."


INT. HOLLYWOOD HOLIDAY INN - CLARENCE'S ROOM - DAY

Alabama's laying flat. She actually blacks out for a moment, but the salty taste
of the blood in her mouth wakes her up. She opens her eyes and sees Virgil
standing there, smiling. She closes them, hoping it's a dream. They open again
to the same sight. She has never felt more helpless in her life.

                    VIRGIL
    Hurts, don't it? It better. Took me a long time to kick like that. I'm
    third-degree blackbelt, you know? At home I got trophies. Tournaments I was
    in. Kicked all kinds of ass. I got great technique. You ain't hurt that
    bad. Get on your feet, Fruitloop.

Alabama wobbily complies.

                    VIRGIL
    Where's our coke? Where's Clarence? And when he's comin' back?

Alabama looks in Virgil's eyes and realizes that without a doubt she's going to
die, because this man is going to kill her.

                    ALABAMA
    Go take a flying fuck and a rolling donut.

Virgil doesn't waste a second. He gives her a sidekick straight to the stomach.
The air is sucked out of her lungs. She falls to her knees. She's on all fours
gasping for air that's just not there.

Virgil whips out a pack of Lucky Strikes. He lights one up with a Zippo lighter.
He takes a long, deep drag.

                    VIRGIL
    Whatsamatta? Can't breathe? Get used to it.


INT. HAMBURGER STAND - DAY

Clarence walks through the door of some mom and pop fast-food restaurant.

                    CLARENCE
    Woah! Smells like hamburgers in here! What's the biggest, fattest hamburger
    you guys got?

The Iranian Guy at the counter says:

                    IRANIAN GUY
    That would be Steve's double chili cheeseburger.

                    CLARENCE
    Well, I want two of them bad boys. Two large orders of chili fries. Two
    large Diet Cokes.
            (looking at a menu at the wall)
    And I'll tell you what, why don't you give me a combination burrito as
    well.


INT. HOLLYWOOD HOLIDAY INN -                 CLARENCE'S ROOM - DAY

Alabama is violently thrown into a corner of the room. She braces herself
against the wall. She is very punchy. Virgil steps in front of her.

                    VIRGIL
    You think your boyfriend would go through this kind of shit for you? Dream
    on, cunt. You're nothin' but a fuckin' fool. And your pretty face is gonna
    turn awful goddamn ugly in about two seconds. Now, where's my fuckin' coke?

She doesn't answer. He delivers a spinning roundhouse kick on the head. Her head
slams into the left side of the wall.

                    VIRGIL
    Where's Clarence?!

Nothing. He gives her another kick to the head, this time from the other side.
Her legs start to give way. He catches her and throws her back. He slaps her
lightly in the face to revive her, she looks at him.

                    VIRGIL
    When's Clarence getting back?

She can barely raise her arm, but she somehow manages, and she gives him the
middle finger. Virgil can't help but smile.

                    VIRGIL
    You gotta lot of heart, kid.

He gives her a spinning roadhouse kick to the head that sends her to the floor.


INT. HAMBURGER STAND - DAY

CLOSEUP - Burgers sizzling on a griddle, Chili and cheese is put on them.

Clarence is waiting for his order. He notices a CUSTOMER reading a copy of
"Newsweek" with Elvis on the cover.

                    CLARENCE
    That's a great issue.

The Customer lowers his magazine a little bit.

                    CUSTOMER
    Yeah, I subscribe. It's a pretty decent one.

                    CLARENCE
    Have you read the story on Elvis?

                    CUSTOMER
    No. Not yet.

                    CLARENCE
    You know, I saw it on the stands, my first inclination was to buy it. But,
    I look at the price and say forget it, it's just gonna be the same old
    shit. I ended up breaking down and buying it a few days later. Man, I was
    ever wrong.

                    CUSTOMER
    That good, huh?

He takes the magazine from the Customer's hands and starts flipping to the Elvis
article.

                    CLARENCE
    It tried to pin down what the attraction is after all these years. It
    covers the whole spectrum of fans, the people who love his music, the
    people who grew up with him, the artists he inspired - Bob Dylan, Bruce
    Springsteen, and the fanatics, like these guys. I don't know about you, but
    they give me the creeps.

                    CUSTOMER
    I can see what you mean.

                    CLARENCE
    Like, look at her. She looks like she fell off an ugly tree and hit every
    branch on the way down. Elvis wouldn't fuck her with Pat Boone's dick.

Clarence and the Customer laugh.


INT. HOLLYWOOD HOLIDAY INN - CLARENCE'S ROOM - DAY

Alabama's pretty beat up. She has a fat lip and her face is black and blue.
She's crawling around on the floor. Virgil is tearing the place apart looking
for the cocaine. He's also carrying on a running commentary.

                    VIRGIL
    Now the first guy you kill is always the hardest. I don't care if you're
    the Boston Strangler or Wyatt Earp. You can bet that Texas boy, Charles
    Whitman, the fella who shot all them guys from that tower, I'll bet you
    green money that that first little black dot that he took a bead on, was
    the bitch of the bunch. No foolin' the first one's a tough row to hoe. Now,
    the second one, while it ain't no Mardi Gras, it ain't half as tough row to
    hoe. You still feel somethin' but it's just so deluted this time around.
    Then you completely level off on the third one. The third one's easy. It's
    gotten to the point now I'll do it just to watch their expressions change.

He's tearing the motel room up in general. Then he flips the matress up off the
bed, and the black suitcase is right there.

Alabama's crawling, unnoticed to where her purse is lying. Virgil flips open the
black case and almost goes snow blind.

                    VIRGIL
    Well, well, well, looky here. I guess I just reached journey's end. Great.
    One less thing I gotta worry about.

Virgil closes the case. Alabama sifts through her purse.

She pulls out her Swiss army knife, opens it up. Virgil turns toward her.

                    VIRGIL
    OK, Sugarpop, we've come to what I like to call the moment of truth -

Alabama slowly rises clutching the thrust-out knife in both hands. Mr. Karate-
man smiles.

                    VIRGIL
    Kid, you got a lotta heart.

He moves toward her.

Alabama's hands are shaking.

                    VIRGIL
    Tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna give you a free swing. Now, I only do
    that for people I like.

He moves close.

Alabama's eyes study him. He grabs the front of his shirt and rips it open.
Buttons fly everywhere.

                    VIRGIL
    Go ahead, girl, take a stab at it.
            (giggling)
    You don't have anything to lose.

CLOSEUP - Alabama's face. Virgil's right, she doesn't have anything to lose.
Virgil's also right about his being the moment of truth. The ferocity in women
that comes out at certain times, and is just here under the surface in many
women all of the time, is unleashed. The absolute feeling of helplessness she
felt only a moment ago has taken a one hundred and eighty degree turn into "I'll
take this motherfucker with me if it's the last thing I do" seething hatred.

Letting out a bloodcurling yell, she raises the knfe high above her head, then
drops to her knees and plunges it deep into Virgil's right foot.


CLOSEUP - VIRGIL'S FACE

Talk about bloodcurling yells.

Virgil bends down and carefully pulls the knife from his foot, tears running
down his face.

While Virgil's bent down, Alabama smashes an Elvis Presley whiskey decanter that
Clarence bought her in Oklahoma over his head. It's only made of plaster, so it
doesn't kill him.

Virgil's moving toward Alabama, limping on his bad foot.

                    VIRGIL
    OK, no more Mr. Nice-guy.

Alabama picks up the hotel TV and tosses it to him. He instinctively catches it
and, with his arms full of television, Alabama cold-cocks him with her fist in
the nose, breaking it.

Her eyes go straight to the door, then to the sawed-off shotgun by it. She runs
to it, bends over the chair for the gun. Virgil's left foot kicks her in the
back, sending her flying over the chair and smashing into the door.

Virgil furiously throws the chair out of the way and stands over Alabama.
Alabama's lying on the ground laughing. Virgil has killed a lot of people, but
not one of them has ever laughed before he did it.

                    VIRGIL
    What's so fuckin' funny?!!

                    ALABAMA
            (laughing)
    You look so ridiculous.

She laughs louder. Virgil's insane. He picks her off the floor, then lifts her
off the ground and throws her through the glass shower door in the bathroom.

                    VIRGIL
    Laugh it up, cunt. You were in hysterics a minute ago. Why ain't you
    laughing now?

Alabama, lying in the bathtub, grabs a small bottle of hotel shampoo and
squeezes it out in her hand.

Virgil reaches in the shower and grabs hold of her hair.

Alabama rubs the shampoo in his face. He lets go of her and his hands go to his
eyes.

                    VIRGIL
    Oh Jesus!

She grabs hold of a hefty piece of broken glass and plunges it into his face.

                    VIRGIL
    Oh Mary, help me!

The battered and bruised and bloody Alabama emerges from the shower. She's
clutching a big, bloody piece of broken glass. She's vaguely reminiscent of a
Tasmanian devil. Poor Virgil can't see very well, but he sees her figure coming
toward him. He lets out a wild haymaker that catches her in the jaw and knocks
her into the toilet.

He recovers almost immediately and takes the porcelain lid off the back of the
toilet tank.

Virgil whips out a .45 automatic from his shoulder holster, just as Alabama
brings the lid down on his head. He's pressed up against the wall with this
toilet lid hitting him. He can't get a good shot in this tight environment, but
he fires anyway, hitting the floor, the all, the toilet, and the sink.

The toilet lid finally shatters against Virgil's head. He falls to the ground.

Alabama goes to the medicine cabinet and whips out a big can of Final Net
hairspray. She pulls a Bic lighter out of her pocket, and, just as Virgil raises
his gun at her, she flicks the Bic and sends a stream of hairspray through the
flame, which results in a big ball of fire that hits Virgil right in the face.

He fires off two shots. One hits the wall, another hits the sink pipe, sending
water spraying.

Upon getting his face fried Virgil screams and jumps up, knocking Alabama down,
and runs out of the bathroom.

Virgil collapses on the floor of the living room. Then, he sees the sawed-off
laying on the ground. He crawls toward it.

Alabama, in the bathroom, sees where he's heading. She picks up the .45
automatic and fires at him. It's empty. She's on her feet and into the room.

He reaches the shotgun, his hands grasp it.

Alabama spots and picks up the bloody Swiss army knife. She takes a knife-first-
running-dive at Virgil's back. She hits him.

He arches up, firing the sawed-off into the ceiling, dropping the gun, and
sending a cloud of plaster and stucco all over the room.

Alabama snatches the shotgun.

Arched over on his back Virgil and Alabama make eye contact.

The first blast hits him in the shoulder, almost tearing his arm off. The second
hits him in the knee. The third plays hell with his chest.

Alabama then runs at him, hitting him in the head with the butt of the shotgun.

Ever since he's been firing it's as if some other part of her brain has been
functioning independently. She's been absent-mindedly saying the prayer of Saint
Francis of Assisi.

                    ALABAMA
    Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
    where there is hatred, let me sow love;
    where there is injury, pardon;
    where there is doubt, faith;
    where there is despair, hope;
    where there is darkness, light;
    and where there is sadness, joy.
    O Divine Master, grant that I may not
    so much seek to be consoled as to console;
    to be understood as to understand;
    to be loved as to love;
    for it is in giving that we receive,
    it is pardoning that we are pardoned,
    and it is in dying that we are born
    to eternal life.

Clarence, who's been hearing gunshots, bursts through the door, gun drawn, only
to see Alabama, hitting a dead guy on the head, with a shotgun.

                    CLARENCE
    Honey?

She continues. He puts his gun away.

                    CLARENCE
    Sweetheart? Cops are gonna be here any minute,

She continues. He takes the gun away from her, and she falls to the ground. She
lies on the floor trembling, continuing with the downward swings of her arms.

Clarence grabs the shotgun and the cocaine, and tosses Alabama over his
shoulder.

CUT TO:


EXT. HOLLYWOOD HOLIDAY INN - DAY

Everybody is outside their rooms watching as Clarence walks through the pool
area with his bundle. Sirens can be heard.


EXT. MOVING RED MUSTANG - DAY

Clarence is driving like mad. Alabama's passed out in the passenger seat. She's
muttering to herself. Clarence has one hand on the steering wheel and the other
strokes Alabama's hair.

                    CLARENCE
    Sleep baby. Don't dream. Don't worry. Just sleep. You deserve better than
    this. I'm so sorry. Sleep my angel. Sleep peacefully.


EXT. MOTEL 6 - NIGHT

A new motel. Clarence's red Mustang is parked outside.


INT. MOTEL 6 - CLARENCE'S ROOM - NIGHT

Alabama, with a fat lip and a black and blue face, is asleep in bed.


INT. NOWHERE

Clarence is in a nondescript room speaking directly to the camera. He's in a
headshot.

                    CLARENCE
    I feel so horrible about what she went through. That fucker really beat the
    shit out of her. She never told him where I was. It's like I always felt
    that the way she felt about me was a mistake. She couldn't really care that
    much. I always felt in the back of my mind, I don't know, she was jokin'.
    But, to go through that and remain loyal, it's very easy to be unraptured
    with words, but to remain loyal when it's easier, even excusable, not to -
    that's a test of oneself. That's a true romance. I swear to God, I'll cut
    off my hands and gouge out my eyes before I'll every let anything happen to
    that lady again.

CUT TO:


EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS - NIGHT

A wonderful, gracefully flowing shot of the Hollywood Hills. Off in the distance
we hear the roar of a car engine.


EXT. MULLHOLLAND DRIVE - NIGHT

Vaaarrroooooommmm!!! A silver Porsche is driving hells bells, taking quick
corners, pushing it to the edge.


INT. MOVING PORSCHE - NIGHT

Elliot Blitzer is the driver, standing on it. A blond, glitzy Coke Whore is
sitting next to him. They're having a ball. Then they're seeing a red and blue
light flashing in the rear-view window. It's the cops.

                    ELLIOT
    Fuck! I knew it! I fucking knew it! I should have my head examined, driving
    like this!
            (he pulls over)
    Kandi, you gotta help me.

                    KANDI
    What can I do?

He pulls out the sample bag of cocaine that Clarence gave him earlier.

                    ELLIOT
    You gotta hold this for me.

                    KANDI
    You must be high. Uh-huh. No way.

                    ELLIOT
            (frantically)
    Just put it in your purse.

                    KANDI
    I'm not gonna put that shit in my purse.

                    ELLIOT
    They won't search you. I promise. You haven't done anything.

                    KANDI
    No way, Josď.

                    ELLIOT
    Please, they'll be here any minute. Just put it in your bra.

                    KANDI
    I'm not wearing a bra.

                    ELLIOT
            (pleading)
    Put it in your pants.

                    KANDI
    No.

                    ELLIOT
    You're the one who wanted to drive fast.

                    KANDI
    Read my lips.

She mouths the word "no".

                    ELLIOT
    After all I've done for you, you fuckin' whore!!

She goes to slap him, she hits the bag of cocaine instead. It rips open. Cocaine
completely covers his blue suit. At that moment Elliot turns to face a flashing
beam. Tears fill his eyes.


INT. POLICE STATION - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY

Elliot is sitting in a chair at the table. Two young, good-looking, casually
dressed, Starsky and Hutch-type POLICE DETECTIVES are questioning him. They're
known in the department as Nicholson and Dimes. The dark-haired one is Cody
Nicholson, and the blond is Nicky Dimes.

                    NICHOLSON
    Look, sunshine, we found a sandwich bag of uncut cocaine -

                    DIMES
    Not a tiny little vial -

                    NICHOLSON
    But a fuckin' baggie.

                    DIMES
    No don't sit here and feed us some shit.

                    NICHOLSON
    You got caught. It's all fun and fuckin' games till you get caught. But now
    we gotcha. OK, Mr. Elliot actor, you've just made the big time -

                    DIMES
    You're no longer an extra -

                    NICHOLSON
    Or a bit player -

                    DIMES
    Or a supporting actor -

                    NICHOLSON
    You're a fuckin' star! And you're gonna be playin' your little one-man show
    nightly for the next two fuckin' years for a captive audience -

                    DIMES
    But there is a bright side though. If you ever have to play a part of a guy
    who gets fucked in the ass on a daily basis by throat-slitting niggers,
    you'll have so much experience to draw on -

                    NICHOLSON
    And just think, when you get out in a few years, you'll meet some girl, get
    married, and you'll be so understanding to your wife's needs, because
    you'll know what it's like to be a woman.

                    DIMES
    'Course you'll wanna fuck her in the ass. Pussy just won't feed right
    anymore -

                    NICHOLSON
    That is, of course, if you don't catch Aids from all your anal intrusions.

Elliot starts crying. Nicholson and Dimes exchange looks and smile. Mission
accomplished.


INT. POLICE STATION - CAPTAIN KRINKLE'S OFFICE - DAY

CAPTAIN BUFFORD KRINKLE is sitting behind his desk, where he spends about
seventy-five percent of his day. He's you standard rough, gruff, no-nonsense, by-
the-book-type police captain.

                    KRINKLE
    Nicholson! Dimes! Het in here!

The two casually dressed, sneaker-wearing cops rush in, both shouting at once.


                    DIMES
    Krinkle, this is it. We got it, man. And it's all ours. I mean talk about
    fallin' into somethin'. You shoulda seen it, it was beautiful. Dimes is
    hittin' him from the left about being fucked in the ass by niggers, I'm
    hittin' him form the right about not likin' pussy anymore, finally he
    starts  cryin', and then it was all over -

                    NICHOLSON
    Krinkle, you're lookin' at the two future cops of the month. We have it,
    and if I say we, I don't mean me and him, I'm referring to the whole
    department. Haven't had a decent bust this whole month. Well, we mighta
    come in like a lamb, but we're goin' out like a lion -

                    KRINKLE
    Both you, idiots shut up, I can't understand shit! Now, what's happened,
    what's going on, and what are you talking about?

                    DIMES
    Okee-dokee. It's like this, Krinkle; a patrol car stops this dork for
    speeding, they walk up to window and the guy's covered in coke. So they
    bring his ass in and me an' Nicholson go to work on him.

                    NICHOLSON
    Nicholson and I.

                    DIMES
    Nicholson and I go to work on him. Now er know somthing's rotten in
    Denmark, 'cause this dickhead had a big bag, and it's uncut, too, so we're
    sweatin' him, trying to find out where he got it. Scarin' the shit outta
    him.

                    NICHOLSON
    Which wasn't too hard, the guy was a real squid.

                    DIMES
    So we got this guy scared shitless and he starts talkin'. And, Krinkle, you
    ain't gonna fuckin' believe it.

CUT TO:


INT. RESTAURANT - DAY

Detroit. Very fancy restaurant. Four wise-guy Hoods, one older, the other three,
youngsters, are seated at the table with Mr. Coccotti.

                    COCCOTTI
    - And so, tomorrow morning comes, and no Virgil. I check with Nick
    Cardella, who Virgil was supposed to leave my narcotics with, he never
    shows. Now, children, somebody is stickin' a red-hot poker up my asshole
    and what I don't know is whose hand's on the handle.

                    YOUNG WISE-GUY #1 (FRANKIE)
    You think Virgil started gettin' big ideas?

                    COCCOTTI
    It's possible. Anybody can be carried away with delusions of grandeur. But
    after that incident in Ann Arbor, I trust Virgil.

                    YOUNG WISE-GUY #2 (DARIO)
    What happened?

                    OLD WISE-GUY(LENNY)
    Virgil got picked up in a warehouse shakedown. He got five years, he served
    three.

                    COCCOTTI
    Anybody who clams up and does hid time, I don't care how I feel about him
    personally, he's OK.

BACK TO:


KRINKLE'S OFFICE

                    NICHOLSON
    It seems a cop from some department, we don't know where, stole a half a
    million dollars of coke from the property cage and he's been sittin' on it
    for a year and a half. Now the cops got this weirdo -

                    DIMES
    Suspect's words -

                    NICHOLSON
    To front for him. So Elliot is workin' out the deal between them and his
    boss, a big movie producer named Lee Donowitz.

                    DIMES
    He produced "Coming Home in a Body Bag".

                    KRINKLE
    That Vietnam movie?

                    DIMES
    Uh-huh.

                    KRINKLE
    That was a good fuckin' movie.

                    DIMES
    Sure was.

                    KRINKLE
    Do you believe him?

                    DIMES
    I believe he believes him.

                    NICHOLSON
    He's so spooked he'd turn over his momma, his daddy, his two-panny granny,
    and Anna and the King of Siam if he had anything on him.

                    DIMES
    This rabbit'll do anything not to do time, including wearing a wire.

                    KRINKLE
    He'll wear a wire?

                    DIMES
    We talked him into it.

                    KRINKLE
    Dirty cops. We'll have to bring in internal affairs on this.

                    DIMES
    Look, we don't care if you bring in the state milita, the volunteer fire
    department, the L.A. Thunderbirds, the ghost of Steve McQueen, and the
    twelve Roman gladiators, so long as we get credit for the bust.

                    NICHOLSON
    Cocaine. Dirty cops. Hollywood. This is Crocket and Tubbs all the way. And
    we found it, so we want the fuckin' collar.

BACK TO:


INT. RESTAURANT - DAY

                    YOUNG WISE-GUY #3 (MARVIN)
    Maybe Virgil dropped it off at Cardella's. Cardella turns Virgil's switch
    off, and Cardella decides to open up his own fruit stand.

                    LENNY
    Excuse me, Mr. Coccotti.
            (to Marvin)
    Do you know Nick Cardella?

                    MARVIN
    No.

                    LENNY
    Then where the hell do you get off talkin' that kind of talk?

                    MARVIN
    I didn't mean -

                    LENNY
    Shut your mouth. Nick Cardella was provin' what his words was worth before
    you were in your daddy's nutsack. What sun do you walk under you can throw
    a shadow on Nick Cardella? Nick Cardella's a stand-up guy.

                    COCCOTTI
    Children, we're digressing. Another possibility is that rat-fuck whore and
    her wack-a-doo cowboy boyfriend out-aped Virgil. Knowing Virgil, I find
    that hard to believe. But they sent Drexl to hell, and Drexl was no faggot.
    So you see, children, I got a lot of questions and no answers. Find out who
    this wing-and-a-prayer artist is and take him off at the neck.

TITLE CARD: "THE BIG DAY"


EXT. IMPERIAL HIGHWAY - SUNRISE

Clarence's red Mustang is parked on top of a hill just off of Imperial Highway.
As luck would have it, somebody has abandoned a ratty old sofa on the side of
the road. Clarence and Alabama sit on the sofa, sharing a Jumbo Java, and
enjoying the sunrise and wonderful view of the LAX Airport runways, where planes
are taking off and landing. A plane takes off, and they stop and watch.

                    CLARENCE
    Ya know, I used to fuckin' hate airports.

                    ALABAMA
    Really?

                    CLARENCE
    With a vengeance, I hated them.

                    ALABAMA
    How come?

                    CLARENCE
    I used to live by one back in Dearborn. It's real frustratin' to be
    surrounded by airplanes when you ain't got shit. I hated where I was, but I
    couldn't do anythin' about it. I didn't have enough money. It was tough
    enough just tryin' to pay my rent every month, an' here I was livin' next
    to an airport. Whenever I went outside, I saw fuckin' planes take off
    drownin' out my show. All day long I'm seein', hearin' people doin' what I
    wanted to do most, but couldn't.

                    ALABAMA
    What?

                    CLARENCE
    Leavin' Detroit. Goin' off on vacations, startin' new lives, business
    trips. Fun, fun, fun, fun.

Another plane takes off.

                    CLARENCE
    But knowin' me and you gonna be nigger-rich gives me a whole new outlook. I
    love airports now. Me 'n' you can get on any one of those planes out there,
    and go anywhere we ant.

                    ALABAMA
    You ain't kiddin', we got lives to start over, we should go somewhere where
    we can really start from scatch.

                    CLARENCE
    I been in America all my life. I'm due for a change. I wanna see what TV in
    other countries is like. Besides, it's more dramatic. Where should we fly
    off to, my little turtledove?

                    ALABAMA
    Cancoon.

                    CLARENCE
    Why Cancoon?

                    ALABAMA
    It's got a nice ring to it. It sounds like a movie. "Clarence and Alabama
    Go to Cancoon". Don't 'cha think?

                    CLARENCE
    But in my movie, baby, you get the top billing.

They kiss.

                    CLARENCE
    Don't you worry 'bout anything. It's all gonna work out for us. We deserve
    it.


INT. DICK'S APARTMENT    - DAY

Dick, Clarence and Alabama are just getting ready to leave for the drug deal.
Floyd lays on the couch watching TV. Alabama's wearing dark glasses because of
the black eye she has.

                    CLARENCE
            (to Floyd)
    You sure that's how you get to the Beverly Wilshire?

                    FLOYD
    I've partied there twice. Yeah, I'm sure.

                    DICK
    Yeah, well if we got lost, it's your ass.
            (to Clarence)
    Come on, Clarence, lets go. Elliot's going to meet us in the lobby.

                    CLARENCE
    I'm just makin' sure we got everything.
            (pointing to Alabama)
    You got yours?

She holds up the suitcase. The phone rings. The three pile out the door. Floyd
picks up the phone.

                    FLOYD
    Hello?

He puts his hand over the receiver.

                    FLOYD
    Dick, it's for you. You here?

                    DICK
    No. I left.

He starts to close the door then opens it again.

                    DICK
    I'll take it.
            (he takes the receiver)
    Hello.
            (pause)
    Hi, Catherine, I was just walkin' out the -
            (pause)
    Really?
            (pause)
    I don't believe it.
            (pause)
    She really said that?
            (pause)
    I'll be by first thing.
            (pause)
    No, thank you for sending me out.
            (pause)
    Bye-bye.

He hangs up and looks to Clarence.

                    DICK
            (stunned)
    I got the part on "T.J. Hooker".

                    CLARENCE
    No shit? Dick, that's great!

Clarence and Alabama are jumping around. Floyd even smiles.

                    DICK
            (still stunned)
    They didn't even want a callback. They just hired me like that. Me and
    Peter Breck are the two heavies. We start shooting Monday. My call is for
    seven o'clock in the morning.

                    CLARENCE
    Ah, Dick, let's talk about it in the car. We can't be late.

Dick looks at Clarence. He doesn't want to go.

                    DICK
    Clarence.

                    CLARENCE
    Yeah?

                    DICK
    Um, nothing, let's go?

They exit.


EXT. LAX AIRPORT - HOTEL - DAY

We see the airport and move in closer on a hotel on a landscape.


INT. LAX AIRPORT - HOTEL ROOM - DAY

Lenny can be seen putting a shotgun together. He is sitting on a bed.

Dario enters the frame with his own shotgun. He goes over to Lenny and gives him
some shells.

Marvin walks through the frame cocking his own shotgun.

The bathroom door opens behind Lenny and Frankie walks out twirling a couple of
.45 automatics in his hands.


INT. BEVERLY WILSHIRE - COP S' HOTEL ROOM - DAY

Nicholson and Dimes and FOUR DETECTIVES from internal affairs are in a room on
the same floor as Donowitz. They have just put a wire on Elliot.

                    DIMES
    OK, say something.

                    ELLIOT
            (talking loud into the wire)
    Hello! Hello! Hello! How now brown cow!

                    NICHOLSON
    Just talk regular.

                    ELLIOT
            (normal tone)
    "But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
    It is the east and Juliet is the sun.
    Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
    Who is already sick and pale with grief -"

                    DIMES
    Are you gettin' this shit?

                    DETECTIVE BY TAPE MACHINE
    Clear as a bell.

Nicholson, Dime, and the head IA Officer, Wurlitzer, huddle by Elliot.

                    DIMES
    Now, remember, we'll be monitoring just down the hall.

                    ELLIOT
    And if there's any sign of trouble you'll come in.

                    NICHOLSON
    Like gang-busters. Now, remember, if you don't want to go to jail, we gotta
    put your boss in jail.

                    DIMES
We have to show in court that, without a doubt, a successful man, an important
figure in the Hollywood community, is also dealing cocaine.

                    NICHOLSON
    So you gotta get him to admit on tape that he's buying this coke.

                    WURLITZER
    And this fellow Clarence?

                    ELLIOT
    Yeah, Clarence.

                    WURLITZER
    You gotta get him name the police officer behind all this.

                    ELLIOT
    I'll try.

                    DIMES
    You do more than try.

                    NICHOLSON
    You do.

                    DIMES
    Hope you're a good actor, Elliot.


INT. MOVING RED MUSTANG - DAY

Clarence, Dick and Alabama en route.

                    DICK
    You got that playing basketball?

                    ALABAMA
    Yeah. I got elbowed right in the eye. And if that wasn't enough, I got
    hurled the ball when I'm not looking. Wam! Right in my face.

They stop at a red light. Clarence looks at Alabama.

                    CLARENCE
    Red light means love, baby.

He and Alabama start kissing.


INT. MOVING CADILLAC - DAY

Marvin, Frankie, Lenny and Dario in a rented Caddy.


INT. BEVERLY WILSHIRE PARKING LOT - DAY

Clarence, Alabama, and Dick get out of the red Mustang. Dick takes the suitcase.

                    CLARENCE
    I'll take that. Now, remember, both of you, let me do the talking.

Clarence takes out his .38. Dick reacts. They walk and talk.

                    DICK
    What the fuck did you bring that for.

                    CLARENCE
    In case.

                    DICK
    In case of what?

                    CLARENCE
    In case they try to kill us. I don't know, what do you want me to say?

                    DICK
    Look, Dillinger, Lee Donowitz is not a pimp -

                    CLARENCE
    I know that Richard. I don't think I'll need it. But something this last
    week has taught me, it's better to have a gun and not to need it than to
    need a gun and not to have it.

Pause. Clarence stops walking.

                    CLARENCE
    Hold it, guys. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm pretty scared.
    What say we forget the whole thing.

Dick and Alabama are both surprised and relieved.

                    DICK
    Do you really mean it?

                    CLARENCE
    No, I don't really mean it. Well, I mean, this is our last chance to think
    about it. How 'bout you, Bama?

                    ALABAMA
    I thought it was what you wanted, Clarence.

                    CLARENCE
    It is what I want. But I don't want to spend the next ten years in jail. I
    don't want you guys to go to jail. We don't know what could be waiting for
    us up there. It'll probably be just what it's supposed to be. The only
    thing that's waiting for us is two hundred thousand dollars. I'm just
    looking at the downside.

                    DICK
    Now's a helluva time to play "what if".

                    CLARENCE
    This is our last chance to play "what if". I want to do it. I'm just scared
    of getting caught.

                    ALABAMA
    It's been fun thinking about the money but I can walk away from it, honey.

                    CLARENCE
    That rhymes.

He kisses her.

                    DICK
    Well, if we're not gonna do it, let's just get in the car and get the fuck
    outta here.

                    CLARENCE
    Yeah, let's just get outta here.

The three walk back to the car. Clarence gets behind the wheel. The other two
climb in. Clarence hops back out.

                    CLARENCE
    I'm sorry guys, I gotta do it. As petrified as I am, I just can't walk
    away. I'm gonna be kicking myself in the ass for the rest of my life if I
    don't go in there. Lee Donowitz isn't a gangster lookin' to skin us, and
    he's not a cop, he's a famous movie producer lookin' to get high. And I'm
    just the man who can get him there. So what say we throw caution to the
    wind and let the chips fall where they may.

Clarence grabs the suitcase and makes a beeline for the hotel. Dick and Alabama
exchange looks and follow.


INT. BEVERLY WILSHIRE - LOBBY - DAY

Elliot's walking around the lobby. He's very nervous, so he's singing to
himself.

                    ELLIOT
            (singing)
    There's a man who leads a life of danger,
    To everyone he meets
    he stays a stranger.
    Be careful what you say,
    you'll give yourself away...


INT. BEVERLY WILSHIRE - COPS' HOTEL ROOM - DAY

Nicholson, Dimes, Wurlitzer, and the three other Detectives surround the tape
machine. Coming from the machine:

                    ELLIOT'S VOICE
            (off)
    ... odds are you won't live
    to see tomorrow,
    secret agent man,
    secret agent man....

Nicholson looks at Dimes.

                    DIMES
    Why, all of the sudden, have I got a bad feeling?

BACK TO:


LOBBY

Clarence enters the lobby alone, he's carrying the suitcase. He spots Elliot and
goes in his direction. Elliot sees Clarence approaching him. He says to himself,
quietly:

                    ELLIOT
    Elliot, your motivation is to stay out of jail.

Clarence walks up to Elliot, they shake hands.

                    ELLIOT
    Where's everybody else?

                    CLARENCE
    They'll be along.

Alabama and Dick enter the lobby, they join up with Clarence and Elliot.

                    ELLIOT
    Hi, Dick.

                    DICK
    How you doin', Elliot?

                    CLARENCE
    Well, I guess it's about that time.

                    ELLIOT
    I guess so. Follow me.


INT. BEVERLY WILSHIRE - ELEVATOR - DAY

The four of them are riding in the elevator. As luck would have it, they have
the car to themselves. Rinky-drink elevator Muzak is playing. They are all
silent.

                    CLARENCE
    Elliot.

                    ELLIOT
    Yeah?

                    CLARENCE
    Get on your knees.

Not sure he heard him right.

                    ELLIOT
    What?

Clarence hits the stop button on the elevator panel and whips out his .38.

                    CLARENCE
    I said get on your fuckin' knees.

Elliot does it immediately. Dick and Alabama react.

                    CLARENCE
    Shut up, both of you, I know what I'm doin'.

BACK TO:


COPS' ROOM

Pandemonium.

                    DIMES
    He knows.

                    NICHOLSON
    How the fuck could he know?

                    DIMES
    He saw the wire.

                    NICHOLSON
    How's he supposed to see the wire?

                    DIMES
    He knows something's up.

BACK TO:


ELEVATOR

Clarence puts the .38 against Elliot's forehead.

                    CLARENCE
    You must think I'm pretty stupid, don't you?

No answer.

                    CLARENCE
    Don't you?

                    ELLIOT
            (petrified)
    No.

                    CLARENCE
            (yelling)
    Don't lie to me, motherfucker. You apparently think I'm the dumbest
    motherfucker in the world! Don't you? Say: Clarence, you are without a
    doubt, the dumbest motherfucker in the whole wide world. Say it!

BACK TO:


COPS' ROOM

                    NICHOLSON
    We gotta get him outta there.

                    DIMES
    Whatta we gonna do? He's in an elevator.

BACK TO:


ELEVATOR

                    CLARENCE
    Say it, goddamn it!

                    ELLIOT
    You are the dumbest person in the world.

                    CLARENCE
    Apparently I'm not as dumb as you thought I am.

                    ELLIOT
    No. No you're not.

                    CLARENCE
    What's waiting for us up there. Tell me or I'll pump two right in your
    face.

BACK TO:


COPS

                    NICHOLSON
    He's bluffin ya, Elliot. Can't you see that? You're an actor, remember, the
    show must go on.

                    DIMES
    This guy's gonna kill him.

BACK TO:


ELEVATOR

                    CLARENCE
    Stand up.

Elliot does. The .38 is still pressed against his forehead.

                    CLARENCE
    Like Nick Carter used to say: I I'm wrong, I'll apologize. I want you to
    tell me what's waiting for us up there. Something's amiss. I can feel it.
    If anything out of the ordinary goes down, believe this, you're gonna be
    the first one shot. Trust me, I am AIDS, you fuck with me, you die. Now
    quit making me mad and tell me why I'm so fucking nervous.

BACK TO:


COPS' ROOM

                    DIMES
    He's bluffin', I knew it. He doesn't know shit.

                    NICHOLSON
    Don't blow it, Elliot. He's bluffin'. He just told you so himself.

                    DIMES
    You're an actor, so act, motherfucker.

BACK TO:


ELEVATOR

Elliot still hasn't answered.

                    CLARENCE
    OK.

With the .38 up against Elliot's head Clarence puts his palm over the top of the
gun to shield himself from the splatter. Alabama and Dick can't believe what
he's gonna do.

Elliot, tears running down, starts talking for the benefit of the people at the
other end of the wire. He sounds like a little boy.

                    ELLIOT
    I don't wanna be here. I wanna go home. I wish somebody would just come and
    get me 'cause I don't like this. This is not what I thought it would be.
    And I wish somebody would just take me away. Just take me away Come and get
    me. 'Cause I don't like this anymore. I can't take this. I'm sorry but I
    just can't. So, if somebody would just come to my rescue, everything would
    be alright.

BACK TO:


COPS' ROOM

Nicholson and Dimes shake their hands, They have a "well, that's that"
expression an their faces.

BACK TO:


ELEVATOR

Clarence puts down the gun and hugs Elliot.

                    CLARENCE
    Sorry, Elliot. Nothing personal. I just hadda make sure you're all right.
    I'm sure. I really apologize for scaring you so bad, but believe me, I'm
    just as scared as you. Friends?

Elliot, in a state of shock, takes Clarence's hand. Dick and Alabama are
relieved.

BACK TO:


COPS' ROOM

Nicholson and Dimes listen open-mouthed, not believing what they're hearing.


INT. DICK'S APARTMENT - DAY

Floyd still lying on the couch watching TV. He hasn't moved since we last saw
him.

There is a knock from the door.

                    FLOYD
            (not turning away from TV)
    It's open.

The front door flies open and the four Wise-guys rapidly enter the room. The
door slams shut. All have their sawed-offs drawn and pointing at Floyd.

                    FLOYD
    Yes.

                    LENNY
    Are you Dick Ritchie?

                    FLOYD
    No.

                    LENNY
    Do you know a Clarence Worley?

                    FLOYD
    Yes.

                    LENNY
    Do you know where we can find him?

                    FLOYD
    He's at the Beverly Wilshire.

                    LENNY
    Where's that?

                    FLOYD
    Well, you go down Beechwood...


INT. BEVERLY WILSHIRE  - LEE'S HOTEL ROOM - DAY

The door opens and reveals an extremely muscular guy with an Uzi strapped to his
shoulder standing in the doorway, his name is Monty.

                    MONTY
    Hi, Elliot. Are these your friends?

                    ELLIOT
    You could say that. Everybody, this is Monty.

                    MONTY
    C'mon in. Lee's in the can. He'll be out in a quick.

They all move into the room, it is very luxurious.

Another incredibly muscular GUY, Boris, is sitting on the sofa, he too has an
Uzi. Monty begins patting everybody down.

                    MONTY
    Sorry, nothin personal.

He starts to search Clarence. Clarence back away.

                    CLARENCE
    No need to search me, daredevil. All you'll find is a .38 calibre.

Boris gets up from the couch.

                    BORIS
    What compelled you to bring that along?

                    CLARENCE
The same thing that compelled you, Beastmaster, to bring rapid-fire weaponry to
a business meeting.

                    BORIS
    I'll take that.

                    CLARENCE
    You'll have to.

The toilet flushes in the bathroom. The door swings open and Lee Donowitz
emerges.

                    LEE
    They're here. Who's who?

                    ELLIOT
    Lee, this is my friend Dick, and these are his friends, Clarence and
    Alabama.

                    BORIS
            (pointing at Clarence)
    This guy's packin'.

                    LEE
    Really?

                    CLARENCE
    Well, I have to admit, walkin' through the door and seein' these "Soldier
    of Fortune" poster boys made me a bit nervous. But, Lee, I'm fairly
    confident that you came here to do business, not to be a wise-guy. So, if
    you want, I'll put the gun on the table.

                    LEE
    I don't think that'll be necessary. Let's all have a seat. Boris, why don't
    you be nice and get coffee for everybody.

They all sit around a fancy glass table except for Boris, who's getting the
coffee, and Monty, who's standing behind Lee's chair.

                    CLARENCE
    Oh, Mr. Donowitz -

                    LEE
    Lee, Clarence . Please don't insult me. Call me Lee.

                    CLARENCE
    OK, sorry, Lee. I just wanna tell you "Coming Home in a Body Bag" is one of
    my favorite movies. After "Apocalypse Now" I think it's the best Vietnam
    movie ever.

                    LEE
    Thank you very much, Clarence.

                    CLARENCE
    You know, most movies that win a lot of Oscars, I can't stand. "Sophie's
    Choice", "Ordinary People", "Kramer vs. Kramer", "Gandhi". All that stuff
    is safe, geriatric, coffee-table dog shit.

                    LEE
    I hear you talkin' Clarence. We park our cars in the same garage.

                    CLARENCE
    Like that Merchant-Ivory clap-trap. All those assholes make are unwatchable
    movies from unreadable books.

Boris starts placing clear-glass coffee cups in front of everybody and fills
everybody's cup from a fancy coffee pot that he handles like an expert.

                    LEE
    Clarence, there might be somebody somewhere that agrees with you more than
    I do, but I wouldn't count on it.

Clarence is on a roll and he knows it.

                    CLARENCE
    They ain't plays, they ain't books, they certainly ain't movies, they're
    films. And do you know what films are? They're for people who don't like
    movies. "Mad Max", that's a movie. "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly",
    that's a movie. "Rio Bravo", that's a movie. "Rumble Fish", that's a
    fuckin' movie. And, "Coming Home in a Body Bag", that's a movie. It was the
    first movie with balls to win a lot of Oscars since the "The Deer Hunter".

BACK TO:


COPS' ROOM

They're all listening to this.

                    DIMES
    What's this guy doin'? Makin' a drug deal or gettin' a job on the "New
    Yorker"?

BACK TO:


LEE'S ROOM

                    CLARENCE
    My uncle Roger and uncle Cliff, both of which were in Nam, saw "Coming Home
    in a Body Bag" and thought it was the most accurate Vietnam film they'd
    ever seen.

                    LEE
    You know, Clarence, when a veteran of that bullshit wars says that, it
    makes the whole project worthwhile. Clarence, my friend, and I call you my
    friend because we have similar interests, let's take a look at what you
    have for me.

BACK TO:


COPS' ROOM

                    DIMES
    Thank God.

BACK TO:


LEE'S ROOM

Clarence puts the suitcase on the table.

                    CLARENCE
    Lee, when you see this you're gonna shit.

BACK TO:


LOBBY

The four Wise-guys are at the desk.

                    LENNY
            (quietly to the others)
    What was the Jew-boy's name?

                    MARVIN
    Donowitz, he said.

                    FRONT-DESK GUY
    How can I help you, Gentlemen?

                    LENNY
    Yeah, we're from Warner Bros. What room is Mr. Donowitz in?

BACK TO:


LEE'S ROOM

Lee's looking over the cocaine and sampling it.

                    CLARENCE
    Now, that's practically uncut. You could, if you so desire, cut it a
    helluva lot more.

                    LEE
    Don't worry, I'll desire. Boris, could I have some more coffee.

                    CLARENCE
    Me too, Boris.

Boris fills both of their cups. They both, calm as a lake, take cream and sugar.
All eyes are on them. Lee uses light cream and sugar, he begins stirring this
cup. Clarence uses very heavy cream and sugar.

                    LEE
            (stirring loudly)
    You like a little coffee with your cream and sugar?

                    CLARENCE
    I'm not satisfied till the spoon stands straight up.

Both are cool as cucumbers.

                    LEE
    I have to hand it to you, this is not nose garbage, this is quality. Can
    Boris make anybody a sandwich? I got all kinds of sandwich shit from
    Canters in there.

                    ALABAMA
    No thank you.

                    DICK
    No. But thanks.

                    CLARENCE
    No thanks, my stomach's a little upset. I ate somethin' at a restaurant
    that made me a little sick.

                    LEE
    Where'd you go?

                    CLARENCE
    A Norms in Van Nuys.

                    LEE
    Bastards. That's why I always eat at Lawreys.

Lee continues looking at the merchandise.

Alabama writes something in her napkin with a pencil. She slides the napkin over
to Clarence. It says: "You're so cool" with a tiny heart drawn on the bottom of
it. Clarence takes the pencil and draws an arrow through the heart. She takes
the napkin and puts it in her pocket.

Lee looks up.

                    LEE
    OK, Clarence, the merchandise is perfect. But, whenever I'm offered a deal
    that's too good to be true, it's because it's a lie. Convince me you're on
    the level.

BACK TO:


COPS' ROOM

                    DIMES
    If he don't bite, we ain't got shit except posession.

                    NICHOLSON
    Convince him.

BACK TO:


LEE'S ROOM

                    CLARENCE
    Well, Lee, it's like this. You're getting the bargain of a lifetime because
    I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. You're used to dealin' with
    professionals. I'm not a professional. I'm a rank amateur. I could take
    that, and I could cut it, and I could sell it a little bit at a time, and
    make a helluva lot more money. But, in order to do that, I'd have to become
    a drug dealer. Deal with cut-throat junkies, killers, worry about getting
    busted all of the time. Just meeting you here today scares the shit outta
    me, and you're not a junkie, a killer or a cop, you're a fucking
    movie-maker. I like you, and I'm still scared. I'm a punk kid who picked up
    a rock in the street, only to find out it's the Hope Diamond. It's worth a
    million dollars, but I can't get the million dollars for it. But, you can.
    So, I'll sell it to you for a couple a hundred thousand. You go to make a
    million. It's all found money to me anyway. Me and my wife are minimum wage
    kids, two hundred thousand is the world.

                    LEE
    Elliot tells me you're fronting for a dirty cop.

                    CLARENCE
    Well, Elliot wasn't supposed to tell you anythin'.
            (to Elliot)
    Thanks a lot, bigmouth. I knew you were a squid the moment I laid eyes on
    you. In my book, buddy, you're a piece of shit.
            (to Lee)
    He's not a dirty cop, he's a good cop. He just saw his chance and he took
    it.

                    LEE
    Why does he trust you?

                    CLARENCE
    We grew up together.

                    LEE
    If you don't know shit, why does he think you can sell it?

                    CLARENCE
    I bullshitted him.

Lee starts laughing.

                    LEE
    That's wild. This fucking guy's a madman. I love it. Monty, go in the other
    room and get the money.

Clarence, Alabama and Dick exchange looks.

BACK TO:


COPS' ROOM

Nicholson and Dimes exchange looks.

                    DIMES & NICHOLSON
    Bingo!

BACK TO:


ELEVATOR

The four Wise-guys are coming up.

BACK TO:


LEE'S ROOM

                    LEE
            (pointing to Alabama)
    What's your part in this?

                    ALABAMA
    I'm his wife.

                    LEE
            (referring to Dick)
    How 'bout you?

                    DICK
    I know Elliot.

                    LEE
    And Elliot knows me. Tell me, Clarence, what department does you friend
    work in?

Dick and Alabama panic.

                    CLARENCE
            (without missing a beat)
    Carson County Sheriffs.

BACK TO:


COPS' ROOM

The internal affairs officers high five.

BACK TO:


LEE'S ROOM

Monty brings in a briefcase of money and puts it down on the table.

                    LEE
    Wanna count your money?

                    CLARENCE
    Actually, they can count it. I'd like to use the little boy's room.

BACK TO:


COPS' ROOM

They all stand.

                    DIMES
    OK, boys. Let's go get 'em.


INT. BEVERLY WILSHIRE - LEE'S HOTEL ROOM - BATHROOM - DAY

Clarence steps inside the bathroom and shuts the door. As soon as it's shut he
starts doing the twist. He can't believe he's pulled it off. He goes to the
toilet and starts taking a piss. He turns and sees Elvis sitting on the sink.

                    ELVIS
    Clarence, I gotta hand it to ya. You were cooler than cool.

                    CLARENCE
    I was dying. I thought for sure everyone could see it on my face.

                    ELVIS
    All anybody saw was Clint Eastwood drinkin' coffee.

                    CLARENCE
    Can you develop an ulcer in two minutes? Being cool is hard on your body.

                    ELVIS
    Oh, and your line to Charles Atlas in there: "I'll take that gun", "You'll
    have to".

                    CLARENCE
    That was cool, wasn't it? You know, I don't even know where that came from.
    I just opened my mouth and it came out. After I said it I thought, that's a
    cool line, I gotta remember that.

BACK TO:


LEE'S ROOM

Everything's just as it was.

Sudenly, Nicholson, Dimes and the four Detectives break into the room with guns
drawn.

                    DIMES & NICHOLSON
    Police! Freeze, you're all under arrest!

Everybody at the table stands up. Boris and Monty stand ready with the Uzis.

                    DIMES
    You two! Put the guns on the floor and back away.

                    MONTY
    Fuck you! All you pigs put your guns on the floor and back away.

                    LEE
    Monty, what are you talking about? So what they say.

                    DIMES
    This is your last warning! Drop those fuckin' guns!

                    BORIS
    This is your last warning! We could kill all six of ya and ya fuckin' know
    it! Now get on the floor!

                    DICK
    What the fuck am I doing here?

                    LEE
    Boris! Everybody's gonna get killed! They're cops!

                    MONTY
    So they're cops. Who gives a shit?

                    BORIS
    Lee, something I never told you about me. I don't like cops.

                    NICHOLSON
    OK, let's everybody calm down and get nice. Nobody has to die. We don't
    want it, and you don't want it.

                    LEE
    We don't want it.

The four Wise-guys burst through the door, shotguns drawn, except for Frankie,
who has two .45 automatics, one in each hand.

Half of the cops spin around.

                    WURLITZER
    Freeze!

                    LENNY
    Who are you guys?

                    WURLITZER
    Police.

                    DARIO
            (to Lenny)
    Do we get any extra if we have to kill cops?

BACK TO:


BATHROOM

Clarence and Elvis.

                    CLARENCE
    How do you think I'm doin' with Lee?

                    ELVIS
    Are you kiddin'? He loves you.

                    CLARENCE
    You don't think I'm kissin' his ass, do you?

                    ELVIS
    You're tellin' him what he wants to hear, but that ain't the same thing as
    kissin' his ass.

                    CLARENCE
    I'm not lyin' to him. I mean it. I loved "Coming Home in a Body Bag".

                    ELVIS
    That's why it doesn't come across as ass-kissin', because it's genuine, and
    he can see that.

Elvis fixes Clarence's collar.

                    ELVIS
    I like ya, Clarence. Always have.

BACK TO:


LEE'S ROOM

This is a Mexican stand-off if there ever was one. Gangsters on one end with
shotguns. Bodyguards with machine guns on the other. And cops with handguns in
the middle.

Dick's ready to pass out.

Alabama's so scared she pees on herself.

For Elliot, this has been the worst day of his life, and he's just about had it.

                    ELLIOT
    Officer Dimes? Officer Dimes.

Dimes looks at Elliot.

                    ELLIOT
    This has nothing to do with me anymore. Can I just leave and you guys just
    settle it by yourselves?

                    DIMES
    Elliot, shut the fuck up and stay put!

                    LEE
            (to Elliot)
    How did you know his name? How the fuck did he know your name? Why, you
    fuckin' little piece of shit!

                    ELLIOT
    Lee, understand, I didn't want to -

                    DIMES
    Shut the fuck up!

                    LEE
    Well, I hope you're not planning on acting any time in the next twenty
    years 'cause your career is over as of now! You might as weel burn your SAG
    card! To think I treated you as a son! And you stabbed me in the heart!

Lee can't control his anger any more. He grabs the coffee pot off the table and
flings hot coffee into Elliot's face. Elliot screams and falls to his knees,

Instinctively, Nicholson shoots Lee twice.

Alabama screams.

Boris lets loose with his Uzi, pinting Nicholson red with bullets.

                    DIMES
            (screaming)
    Cody!!!

Nicholson flies backwards.

Marvin fires his shotgun, hits Nicholson in the back, Nicholson's body jerks
back and forth then on the floor.

Clarence opens the bathroom door.

Dimes hits the ground firing.

A shot catches Clarence in the forehead.

Alabama screams.

Dario fires his sawed-off. It catches Clarence in the chest, hurling him on the
bathroom sink, smashing the mirror.

It might have been a stand-off before, but once the firing starts everybody
either hits the ground or runs for cover.

Dimes, Alabama, Dick, Lenny, an IA Officer and Wurtlitzer hit the ground.

Boris dives into the kitchen area.

Monty tips the table over.

Marvin dives behind the sofa.

Dario runs out of the door and down the hall.

With bullets flying this way and that, some don't have time to anything. Two IA
Officers are shot right away.

Frankie takes an Uzi hit. He goes down firing both automatics.

Elliot gets it from both sides.

Alabama is crawling across the floor, like a soldier in war, towards the
bathroom.

Clarence, still barely alive, lays on the sink, twitching. He moves and falls
off.

Alabama continues crawling.

Marvin brings his sawed-off from behind the sofa and fires. The shotgun blast
hits the glass table and Monty. Monty stands up screaming.

The Cops on the ground let loose, firing into Monty.

As Monty gets hit, his finger hits the trigger of the Uzi, spreading fire all
over the apartment.


EXT. BEVERLY WILSHIRE - DAY

Cop cars start arriving in twos in front of the hotel.

BACK TO:


GUNFIGHT

Alabama crawling.

The suitcase full of cocaine is by Dick. Dick grabs it and tosses it in the air.
Marvin comes from behind the sofa and fires. The suitcase is hit in mid-air.
White powder goes everywhere. The room is enveloped in cocaine.

Dick takes this cue and makes a dash out the door.

An IA Officer goes after him.

Lenny makes a break for it.

Wurlitzer goes after him but is pinned down by Marvin.

Alabama reaches the bathroom and finds Clarence.

                    ALABAMA
    Sweety?

Clarence's face is awash with blood.

                    CLARENCE
    I... I can't see you... I've got blood in my eyes...

He dies.

Alabama tries to give him outh-to-mouth resuscitation.


INT. BEVERLY WILSHIRE - HALLWAY - DAY

Dario runs down the hall, right into a cluster of uniformed police.

He fires his shotgun, hitting two, just before the others chop him to ribbons.


INT. BEVERLY WILSHIRE - ANOTHER HALLWAY

The hallway's empty but we hear footsteps approaching fast. Dick comes around
the corner, running as if on fire. Then we see the IA Officer turn the same
corner.

                    IA OFFICER
            (aiming gun)
    Freeze!

Dick does.

                    DICK
    I'm unarmed!

                    IA OFFICER
    Put your hands on your head, you son-of-a-bitch!

He does. Then, from off screen, a shotgun blast tears into the IA Officer,
sending him to the wall.

                    DICK
    Oh shit.

He starts running again and runs out of frame, then Lenny turns around the
corner and runs down the hall.

Dick runs into the elevator area, he hits the buttons, he's trapped, it's like a
box.

Lenny catches up. Dick raises his hands. Lenny aimes his sawed-off.

                    DICK
    Look, I don't know who you are, but whatever it was that I did to you, I'm
    sorry.

Two elevator doors on either side of them open.

Lenny looks at Dick. He drops his aim and says:

                    LENNY
    Lotsa luck.

Lenny dives into one elevator car. Dick jumps into the other, just as the doors
close.

BACK TO:


HOTEL ROOM

The Mexican stand-off has become two different groups of two pinning each other
down.

Wurlitzer has Marvin pinned down behind the sofa and Dimes has Boris pinned down
in the kitchen.

In the bathroom, Alabama's pounding on Clarence's bloody chest, trying to get
his heart started. It's not working. She slaps him hard in the face a couple of
times.

                    ALABAMA
    Wake up, goddamn it!

Dimes discards his handgun and pulls one of the sawed-off shotguns from the grip
of a dead Wise-guy.

Boris peeks around the wall to fire.

Dimes lets loose with a blast. A scream is heard.

                    BORIS
            (off)
    I'm shot! Stop!

                    DIMES
    Throw out your gun, asshole!

The Uzi's tossed out.

Dimes goes to where Wurlitzer is.

                    DIMES
            (to Marvin)
    OK, black jacket! It's two against one now! Toss the gun and lie face down
    on the floor or die like all you friends.

The shotgun's tossed out from behind the sofa.


INT. BEVERLY WILSHIRE - ELEVATOR - DAY

Dick's sitting on the ground, he can't believe any of this. The doors open on
the fourth floor. He runs out into the hallway.


HALLWAY

He starts trying the room doors for an open one.

                    DICK
    Oh, God, if you just get me outta this I swear to God I'll never fuck up
    again. Please, just let me get to "T.J. Hooker" on Monday.


STEWARDESS'S ROOM - DAY

Dick steps in. Three gorgeous girls are doing a killer aerobics workout to a
video on TV. The music is so loud they're so into their exercises, they don't
hear Dick tiptoe behind them and crawl underneath the bed.


LEE'S ROOM

Boris has caught a lot of buckshots, but he'll live. He's lying on the kitchen
floor. Dimes stands over him. He has the sawed-off in his hand.

                    DIMES
    Don't even give me an excuse, motherfucker.

Dimes pats him down for other weapons, there are none.

Wurlitzer puts the cuffs on Marvin and sits him down on the couch.

Dimes looks in the bathroom and sees the dead Clarence with Alabama crying over
him.

Dimes walks over to Wurlitzer.

                    DIMES
    Everything's under control here.

                    WURLITZER
    Sorry about Nicholson.

                    DIMES
    Me too.

                    WURLITZER
    I'm gonna go see what's goin' on outside.

                    DIMES
    You do that.

Wurlitzer exits. Dimes grabs the phone.


LOBBY

Shotgun in hand, Lenny moves hurriedly down the lobby.

A Cop yells out.

                    COP
    You! Stop!

Lenny brings up his sawed-off and lets him have it. Other cops rush forward.
Lenny grabs a woman standing by.

                    LENNY
    Get back or I'll blow this bitch's brains to kingdom come!


LEE'S ROOM

Dimes on the phone talking with the department. Boris is still moving on the
floor. Marvin is sitting on the couch with his hands cuffed behind his back.
Alabama is crying over Clarence, then she feels something in his jacket. She
reaches in and pulls out his .38. She wipes her eyes. She holds the gun in her
hand and remembers Clarence saying:

                    CLARENCE
            (off)
    She's a sixteen-calibre kitten, equally equipped for killin' an' lovin'!
    She carried a sawed-off shotgun in her purse, a black belt around her
    waist, and the white-hot fire of hate in her eyes! Alabama Whitman is Pam
    Grier! Pray for forgiveness, Rated R... for Ruthless Revenge!

Alabama steps out of the bathroom, gun in hand.

Marvin turns his head toward her. She shoots him twice.

Dimes, still on the phone, spins around in time to see her raise her gun. She
fires. He's hit in the head and flung to the floor.

She sees Boris on the kitchen floor.

                    ALABAMA
    Bye-bye, Boris. Good luck.

                    BORIS
    You too, cutie.

She starts to leave and then spots the briefcase full of money. She takes it and
walks out the door.


HALLWAY

The elevator opens and Wurlitzer steps out.

Alabama comes around the corner.

                    WURLITZER
    Hey, you!

Alabama shoots him three times in the belly. She steps into the elevator, the
doors close.


LOBBY

Alabama enters the lobby and proceeds to walk out. In the background, cops are
all over the place and Lenny is still yelling with the woman hostage.

                    LENNY
    I wanna car here, takin' me to the airport, with a plane full of gas ready
    to take me to Kilimanjaro and... and a million bucks!
            (pause)
    Small bills!


EXT. BEVERLY WILSHIRE - PARKING LOT - DAY

Alabama puts the briefcase in the trunk. She gets into the Mustang and drives
away.


INT. MUSTANG - MOVING - DAY

Alabama's driving fast down the freeway. The DJ on the radio is trying to be
funny. She's muttering to herself.

                    ALABAMA
    I could have walked away. I told you that. I told you I could have walked
    away. This is not my fault. I did not do this. You did this one hundred
    percent to yourself. I'm not gonna give you the satisfaction of feeling
    bad. I should laugh 'cause you don't deserve any better. I could get
    another guy like that. I'm hot lookin'. What are you? Dead! Dumb jerk.
    Asshole. You're a asshole, you're a asshole, you're a asshole. You wanted
    it all, didn't ya? Didn't ya? Well watcha got now? You ain't got the money.
    You ain't got me. You ain't even got your body anymore. You got nothin'.
    Nada. Zip. Goose egg. Nil. Donut.

The song "Little Arrows" by Leapy Lee comes on the radio. Alabama breaks down
and starts crying. She pulls the car over to the side. The song continues. She
wipes her eyes with a napkin that she pulls out her jacket. She tosses it on the
dashboard. She picks up the .38 and sticks it in her mouth.

She pulls back hammer. She looks up and sees her reflection in the rear-view
mirror. She turns it the other way. She looks straight ahead. Her finger
tightens on the trigger. She sees the napkin on the dashboard. She opens it up
and reads it: "You're so cool".

She tosses the gun aside, opens up the trunk, and takes out the briefcase. She
looks around for, and finally finds, the "Sgt. Fury" comic book Clarence bought
her.

And with comic book in one hand, and briefcase in the other, Bama walks away
from the Mustang forever.

FADE OUT



THE END