Home   |   View Comments   |   Download Screenplay   |   Print it   |   Community
  Navigation
 
 
 
 
 
 
                     10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU

      written by Karen McCullah Lutz & Kirsten Smith
      transcription by GarethGarethGareth@yahoo.com

    based loosely on ďTaming of the Shrew", by William Shakespeare

Well, here it is:  The complete transcription of 10 Things I Hate About You
from the movie itself.  The original script available on the web is about
as similar to the final movie as Rocky Balboa is to Rocky the Squirrel.
So, by gum, somebody had to get it right.  Text found in [brackets]
indicates moments where Iíve guessed what the characters are saying, due to
mumbling, or my own lack of hearing, or both.

- Gareth



EXT. PADUA HIGH SCHOOL - DAY

Welcome to Padua High, your typical upper-middle-class high school in
Seattle, Washington.

EXT. PADUA HIGH SCHOOL, THE STREET OUTSIDE - DAY

Two cookie-cutter-cute girls sing along in their car to a bit of popular
fluff music.

KAT STRATFORD, eighteen, pretty -- but trying hard not to be (and failing)
-- pulls her rundown car up next to theirs and scowls with indignation at
their choice of music.


EXT. PADUA HIGH SCHOOL, FRONT STEPS- DAY

Kat hurries toward the front door of what appears to be the Wayne Manor version
of an ordinary high school.  She approaches another cookie-cutter-cutie pasting
an advert for prom on the wall, and tears it down in passing.

                    PROM POSTER GIRL
          Hey!


INT. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR'S OFFICE - DAY

CAMERON JAMES, a clean-cut, easy-going new kid at school with an optimistic,
innocent face, sits facing MISS PERKY, a conservative spinster stereotype
turned on its head. Sheís in the middle of composing some racy
lines from her pulp romance-novel-in-progress on her laptop.

                       MISS PERKY
          So, Cameron.  Here you go.  (reviews his transcript)
          9 schools in 10 years, my my...  Army brat?

                    CAMERON
          Yeah.  My dadís a...

                    MISS PERKY
          Thatís enough.
          I'm sure you won't find Padua any
          different than your old school.  Same
          little asswipe shit-for-brains
          everywhere.

                    CAMERON
          Excuse me.  Did you just say...  Am I in
          the right office?

                    MISS PERKY
          Not anymore youíre not.  Iíve got deviants to see
          and a novel to finish.  Now scoot.  Scoot!

                    CAMERON
          Okay.  Thanks.

Cameron rises to leave and passes PATRICK VERONA, a smug, longhaired
Australian, whoís on his way in.

Miss Perky looks down at her file and up at Patrick

                       MISS PERKY
                 (continuing)
          Patrick Verona.  I see we're making our
          visits a weekly ritual.

She gives him a disapproving glance. He answers with a charming
smile.

                       PATRICK
          Only so we can have these moments together.
          Should I, uh, get the lights?

                    MISS PERKY
          Oh very clever, kangaroo boy.  Says here you exposed yourself
          in the cafeteria?

                       PATRICK
          I was joking with the lunch lady.  It was a bratwurst.

                       MISS PERKY
          Bratwurst?
          (glances at his loins suspiciously)
          Arenít we the optimist?  Next time keep it in your
          pouch, okay?  Scoot!

After he leaves, she goes back to writing her novel, adding the word
ďbratwurstĒ to the sentence she's working on.


INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY

MICHAEL ECKMAN, a typical, overachieving, brainy senior with a young
republicanís sense of style, introduces himself to Cameron among the
bustle of the hall.

                       MICHAEL
          Michael Eckman.  Iím supposed to show you around.

                       CAMERON
          Oh hi.
          (seems relieved)
          Thank God!  You know, normally
          they send down one of those audio/video geeks.

                       MICHAEL
          (flustered)
          You know, I do.  I know what you mean, yeah.

An audio/video geek pushing a cart full of film equipment rolls along
side them.

                    A/V GEEK
          Hey Michael, where should I put those slides?

                       MICHAEL
          (brushes off the A/V Geek)
          Michael?!
          (Turns back to Cameron)
          So, uh,
          (checks a piece of paper)
          ...Cameron.  Hereís the breakdown:

They begin to walk down the hallway.

                    MICHAEL
          (Continuing)
          Over there youíve got your basic beautiful people.
          Now listen.  Unless they talk to you first, donít bother.

                       CAMERON
          But wait.  Is that your rule or theirs?

                       MICHAEL
          Watch.
          (To an ironically not very good looking jock as they pass)
          Hey there.

                    JOCK
          Geek.

                       MICHAEL
          (To Cameron)
          See that?

The Jock and his friends glare as if offended as the two walk away.


EXT.  SCHOOL COURTYARD - DAY

Groups of students stand around.  Michael and Cameron continue their walk.


                       MICHAEL
          (Continuing)
          To the left we have the coffee kids.

                    COFFEE KID 1
          Whoa!
          (spills his coffee)

                    COFFEE KID 2
          That was Costa Rican, butthead!

                       MICHAEL
          Very edgy.  Donít make any sudden moves around them.

They step down and pass a table full of white boys with dreadlocks and
prerequisite Jamaican berets.

                       MICHAEL
          And these delusionals are the White Rasta.
          Uh, theyíre big Marley fans.  They think they're black.
          Semi-political, but mostly...

                    CAMERON
          Smoke a lot of weed?

                    MICHAEL
          Yeah.

They now approach a few kids dressed as urban cowboys.

                    MICHAEL
          (continuing)
          These guys...

                    CAMERON
          Wait wait.  Let me guess.  Cowboys?

                    MICHAEL
          Yeah but, the closest theyíve come to a cow is
          Macdonaldís.
          (laughs at his own lame joke)
          Hah hah...Macdonalds!

They approach a group of studious-looking teens who are bent over
textbooks at a table.

                       MICHAEL
          These are your future MBAs-  We're all Ivy League accepted.
          Yuppie greed is back, my friend.
          (to the group)
          Hey guys.  How ya doiní?

One of them looks annoyed and mutters something about ďBogieĒ.  It is, in fact
BOGIE LEVENSTEIN himself, leader of the academic geeks.  Why does he mutter his
own name?  Maybe he just likes to speak in the third person...

                       MICHAEL
          (continuing as they walk away)
          Yesterday I was their god.

                    CAMERON
          What happened?

                    MICHAEL
          Bogie Levenstein started a rumor that I...that I buy
          my Izods at an outlet mall.

                    CAMERON
          So they kicked you out?

                    MICHAEL
          Hostile takeover.  But donít worry.  Theyíll pay.
          Now over here...

                    CAMERON
          (Suddenly distracted)
          Oh my god!

BIANCA, a young cream puff of a blonde girl, walks by in slow motion.
Cameron is in deep smit.

                    CAMERON
          (Continues)
          What group is she in?

                    MICHAEL
          The ďdonít even think about itĒ group.
          Thatís Bianca Stratford.  A sophomore.

                    CAMERON
          I burn!  I pine!  I perish!

                       MICHAEL
          Of course you do.  You know, sheís beautiful and deep.  Pure.

Bianca walks with her friend, CHASTITY, a cute and seemingly less loquacious
version of herself.

                    BIANCA
          Yup, see, thereís a difference between ďlikeĒ
          and ďloveĒ.  Because I like my Sketchers, but I love my Prada
          backpack.

                    BIANCAíS FRIEND
          But I love my Sketchers.

                    BIANCA
          Thatís because you donít have a Prada backpack.

                    BIANCAíS FRIEND
          (Enamored of Biancaís wisdom)
          Ohhh!

                       MICHAEL
          (To Cameron)
          Listen.  Forget her.  Incredibly uptight father,
          and itís a widely known fact that the Stratford sisters arenít
          allowed to date.

                       CAMERON
          Uh huh...yeah.  [What if?]


INT. ENGLISH CLASS - DAY

A room full of bored seniors doodle and stare off into space.
MR. MORGAN, an educated, no-nonsense man in his early thirties
presides.

                       MR. MORGAN
          Okay then.  What did everyone think of The Sun Also Rises?

A girl raises her hand and offers her appraisal.

                    ROMANTIC GIRL
          I loved it.
          (She sighs)
          It was sooo romantic.

Kat, the girl we saw as we entered the school, is wearing a camo top in
preparation for her daily war against high school ignorance.

                       KAT
          (disgusted)
          Romantic?  Hemingway?!  He was an abusive alcoholic
          misogynist who squandered half his life hanging around Picasso
          trying to nail his leftovers.

The other students roll their eyes.

JOEY DONNER, a slicked-back knock-off of Slater from Saved By The Bell
makes fun of her from his row.

                       JOEY
          As opposed to a bitter self-righteous
          hag who has no friends?

A few giggles.  Kat fumes from her seat without looking back.

                       MR. MORGAN
          Pipe down, Chachie.

                       KAT
          I guess in this society being male and an asshole
          makes you worthy of our time.
          What about Sylvia Platt or Charlotte Bronte or
          Simone de Beauvoir?

Patrick suddenly steps into the classroom, late.

                       PATRICK
          Whatíd I miss?

                    KAT
          The oppressive patriarchal values that dictate our education.

                    PATRICK
          Good.
          (immediately turns and leaves)

                    MR. MORGAN
          (Shouting after him)
          Hey, hey!

                    JOEY
          Uh, Mr. Morgan.  Is there any chance we could get Kat to
          take her Mydol before she comes to class?

More snickers from the class.

                    MR. MORGAN
          Some day youíre gonna get bitch-slapped and Iím not gonna do
          a thing to stop it.  And Kat.  I want to thank you for your
          point of view.

She smiles to herself, her social indignation justified.

                    MR. MORGAN
          (continuing)
          I know how difficult it must be for you to overcome all those
          years of upper middle class suburban oppression.  It must be tough.

She deflates and becomes bitter again.

                    MR. MORGAN
          (continuing)
          But the next time you storm around the PTA crusading for better
          lunch meat, or whatever it is you white girls complain about,
          ask them why they canít buy a book written by a black man!

Two of the White Rasta kids from earlier take up his cry of inequality.

                    WHITE RASTA CHORUS
          Thatís right mon!

                    MR. MORGAN
          Donít even get me started on you two!

They grumble apologetically and quickly shut up.
Kat is fuming again.

                    KAT
          Anything else?

                    MR. MORGAN
          Yeah.  Go to the office.  Youíre pissing me off.

                    KAT
          What?!  Mr. Morgan!

                    MR. MORGAN
          Later!

Kat gets up in a tiff and on her way out hits Joey in the face with her books.


INT. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR'S OFFICE - DAY

Miss Perky sits in front of her laptop, composing her sleazy novel.

                       MISS PERKY
          Undulating with desire, Adrienne removes her crimson cape...
          ...excitable, stiff and...
          (frustrated, calls to attendant)
          Judith!

Judith appears at the door.

                    MISS PERKY
          Whatís another word for...engorged?

                    JUDITH
          Iíll look it up.

                    MISS PERKY
          Okay.
          (returns to composing)

Kat approaches the office and overhears Miss Perky searching for the
right word.

                    MISS PERKY
          (continuing)
          ...swollen...turgid...

                    KAT
          Tumescent?

                    MISS PERKY
          Perfect!  So I hear you were terrorizing Mr. MorganĎs class.
          Again.

                       KAT
          Expressing my opinion is not a
          terrorist action.

                       MISS PERKY
          The way you expressed your opinion to Bobby Ridgeway?
          By the way, his testicle retrieval operation
          went quite well, in case you're
          interested.

                       KAT
          I still maintain that he kicked himself
          in the balls.

                       MISS PERKY
          The point is Kat...

She suddenly makes the connection between Katís name and the picture
of a cat on her coffee mug.  She finds it amusing and points to the mug.

                    MISS PERKY
          Cat!
          (She giggles, then turns back to Kat)
          People perceive you as somewhat ...

                       KAT
          Tempestuous?

                       MISS PERKY
          "Heinous bitch" is the term used most often.

Kat is unflattered.

                       MISS PERKY
          (continuing)
          You might want to work on that.  Thank you.

Kat rises from her chair.

                       KAT
          (sarcastic)
          As always, thank you for your excellent
          guidance.  Iíll let you get back to Reginaldís
          quivering member.

Kat leaves the office.

                    MISS PERKY
          (to herself)
          Quivering member... I like that.


EXT. SCHOOL COURTYARD - DAY

Joey and his COHORT, a tough-looking kid, are standing around people
watching.  His Cohort notices Bianca and Chastity entering the courtyard
and calls Joeyís attention to Bianca.

                    COHORT
          Virgin alert.  [Favorite].

Joey turns to look at Bianca.  The girls pass by, noticing Joey.

                    JOEY
          Looking good, ladies.

                    COHORT
          Theyíre outta reach, even for you.

                    JOEY
          No oneís out of reach for me.

                    COHORT
          You wanna put money on that?

                    JOEY
          Money Iíve got.  This Iím going to do for fun.

Across the way, Cameron and Michael have been watching Bianca and Cameron
notices Joeyís admiration.

                    CAMERON
          Whoís that guy?

                    MICHAEL
          Itís Joey Donner.  Heís a jerkoff.  And a model.

                    CAMERON
          Heís a model?

                    MICHAEL
          A model.  Mostly regional stuff.  But heís rumored to have
          a tube sock ad coming out.

                    CAMERON
          Really?

                    MICHAEL
          Really.

They have a laugh at Joeyís expense.  Cameron turns back to watching Bianca.

                    CAMERON
          Man, look at her.

                    MICHAEL
          (not impressed)
          Is she always so...vapid?

                    CAMERON
          How can you say that?  Sheís totally...

                    MICHAEL
          Conceited?

                    CAMERON
          What are you talking about?  Thereís more to her than you think.
          I mean, look... look at the way she smiles.
          And look at her eyes, man.  Sheís totally pure.  I mean,
          youíre missing whatís there.

                    MICHAEL
          (unconvinced)
          No, Cameron.  No.
          Whatís there is a snotty little Princess wearing a strategically
          planned sun dress to make guys like us realize we can never touch
          her, and guys like, uh...

He looks around and notices Joey making his way toward the girls.

                    MICHAEL
          (continuing)
          ...Joey, realize they want to.
          She, my friend, is what weíll spend the rest of our lives
          not having.  Put her in the Spank Bank.  Move on.

                    CAMERON
          No.

                    MICHAEL
          Move on.

                    CAMERON
          No!
          Youíre wrong about her.  I mean, you know, uh,
          not about the spanking part.  But the rest.  Youíre wrong.

                    MICHAEL
          Alright.  Iím wrong?  You wanna take a shot?  Be my guest.
          Sheís actually looking for a French tutor.

                    CAMERON
          Are you serious?  Thatís perfect!

                    MICHAEL
          Do you speak French?

                    CAMERON
          Well no.  But I will.



EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT - DAY

Kat and MANDELLA, her best friend--beautiful and attired in quasi-Renaissance
clothes--walk toward Kat's car.  Joey pulls up
beside them in his red sports car.

                       JOEY
          (referring to KatĎs camouflage top)
          Hey.  Your little Rambo look is out, Kat.
          Didnít you read last monthís Cosmo?

                       KAT
          (barely notices him)
          Run along.

She and Mandella continue walking.
Further along, Bianca and Chastity are walking, embroiled in meaningful
conversation.

                    CHASTITY
          I know you can be overwhelmed.
          You can be underwhelmed.
          But can you ever just be whelmed?

                    BIANCA
          I think you can in Europe.

Joey pulls up alongside them.

                    JOEY
          Hi ladies.  Would you sweet young things
          like a ride?

They look at each other and immediately hop in, climbing over his
upholstery.

                    JOEY
          Careful on the leather.

Across the lot, Kat and Mandella watch this display from inside Katís
clunker.

                    MANDELLA
          (sarcastic)
          Thatís a charming new development.

                    KAT
          Itís disgusting.

Meanwhile, Michael has mounted an old motorcycle equipped with a plastic
dork basket on the handles.  He jets a bit out of control and kills the engine
in front of Katís car.  Pissed off, she shouts out the window.

                    KAT
          Remove head from sphincter, then drive!

Michael regains control and pulls out of the way to where Cameron has
been watching.

                       CAMERON
          You all right?

                       MICHAEL
          Yeah, yeah.  Just a minor encounter with the
          shrew.  Your girlfriendís sister.

                       CAMERON
          What?  That's Bianca's sister?

                       MICHAEL
          Mmm hmm.  The mewling, rampalian wretch herself.
          Stay cool, bro.

He jets off once again, risks another near collision, and ends up
flying right off the road and sliding halfway down a grassy hill.
Recovering his composure, he realizes half the school is watching
from the top of the hill.  He raises his hands in the air and
gives a victory yell, drawing cheers from the crowd.


INT.  STRATFORD HOUSE - DAY

WALTER STRATFORD, Kat and Biancaís overly-protective father--an
obstetrician--enters through the front door rifling through the mail.

                       WALTER
          (to Kat)
          Hello Katarina.  Make anyone cry today?

                       KAT
          Sadly, no.  But it's only four-thirty.

Walter smiles proudly as Bianca walks in and kisses him on the cheek.

                       BIANCA
          Hi Daddy.

                       WALTER
          Hello, precious.

                       KAT
          And where've you been?

                    BIANCA
          (gives Kat a sour look)
          Nowhere.

Walter, who hasnít raised his eyes from the mail, is inspecting a letter.

                       WALTER
          What's this?  It says Sarah Lawrence?

Kat snatches it away from him and runs across the room in a flurry of
excitement, tearing it open and reading the contents silently.

                       KAT
          I got in! I got in!

                       WALTER
          Uh, honey thatís great.  But isnít Sarah Lawrence on the
          other side of the country?

                       KAT
          Thus the basis of its appeal.

                       WALTER
          Yeah.  I thought we decided you were gonna stay here and
          go to U Dub like me.  Be a husky.

He makes some inspiring growling noises.

                       KAT
          No, you decided.

                    WALTER
          Oh okay.  So you just pick up and leave, is that it?

                       BIANCA
          (brimming at the idea)
          Letís hope so.

Kat gives Bianca a spiteful look then smiles sweetly.

                       KAT
          Ask Bianca who drove her home.

                       WALTER
          Kat, donít change the...drove?
          (to Bianca)
          Who drove you home?

Bianca glares at Kat then turns to Walter

                       BIANCA
          Now don't get upset, daddy, but there's
          this boy...

                    KAT
          Whoís a flaming imbecile.

                    WALTER
          Please...

                    BIANCA
          (continuing)
          and I think he might ask me...

                       WALTER
          Please.  I think I know what heís going to ask you.
          And I think I know the answer: No.  Itís always no.
          What are the house rules?  #1: no dating till you graduate.
          #2: no dating till you graduate.  Thatís it.

                    BIANCA
          Daddy, thatís so unfair.

                    WALTER
          Alright.  You wanna know whatís unfair?
          (to Kat)
          This is for you too.
          (continues)
          This morning I delivered a set of twins to
          a 15 year old girl.  Do you know what she said to me?

                    BIANCA
          Iím a crack-whore who should have made my sleazy
          boyfriend wear a condom?

Walter pauses and thinks for a moment.

                    WALTER
          Close.  But no.  She said: I should have listened
          to my father.

                    BIANCA
          She did not.

                    WALTER
          Well, thatís what she wouldíve said if she wasnít
          so doped up.

                    BIANCA
          Can we focus on me for a second please?  I am
          the only girl in school whoís not dating.

                    WALTER
          Oh no youíre not.  Your sister doesnít date.

                    KAT
          And I donít intend to.

                    WALTER
          And why is that again?

Walter is pleased and points to Bianca, expecting Kat to justify him.

                    KAT
          Have you seen the unwashed miscreants that go to that school?

                    BIANCA
          Where did you come from?  Planet Loser?

                    KAT
          As opposed to planet ďlook at me!  look at me!Ē?

                    WALTER
          Okay, hereís how we solve this one.  Old rule out.
          New rule: Bianca can date...

Bianca lights up and Kat looks upset.

                    WALTER
          (continuing)
          ...when she does.
          (points at Kat)

                       BIANCA
          But she's a mutant!  What if she never dates?

                       WALTER
          (very pleased with his new rule)
          Then youĎll never date.  Oh, I like that.  And I'll get to
          sleep at night.  The deep slumber of a father whoís
          daughters arenít out being impregnated.

His beeper goes off and he heads for the door.  Kat heads for the
stairs.

                    WALTER
          (to Kat)
          Weíll talk about Sarah Lawrence later.

                    KAT
          Fine.

                       BIANCA
          Wait!  Daddy!

                    WALTER
          I gotta go.

He leaves.

                       BIANCA
          Canít you find [a sad enough] retard to take you
          to the movies so I can have just one date?

                    KAT
          Iím sorry.  Looks like youíll just have to miss out
          on the witty repartee of Joey ďeat meĒ Donner.

                    BIANCA
          You suck.

                    KAT
          (imitating Bianca)
          You suck.


INT. TUTORING ROOM - DAY

Cameron sits at a table prepping for the French lesson he has scheduled
with Bianca.  Bianca arrives and plops down across from him.

                       BIANCA
          Can we make this quick?  Roxanne,
          Korrine and Andrew Barrett are having an
          incredibly horrendous public break- up
          on the quad.  Again.

                       CAMERON
          Oh, yeah, um, okay.  I thought we'd start with
          pronunciation, if that's alright with you.

                    BIANCA
          Not the hacking and gagging and spitting part.  Please.

                       CAMERON
          Well, there is an alternative.
          French food.  We could eat some together.  Saturday night?

                       BIANCA
          You're asking me out?  That's so cute.
          What's your name again?

                       CAMERON
          Cameron.  Listen.  I know that your dad doesnít let you
          date.  But I thought that if it was for French class it...

                       BIANCA
          Oh, wait a minute.  Curtis...

                       CAMERON
          Cameron.

                       BIANCA
          My dad just came up with a new rule.  I can date
          when my sister does.

                    CAMERON
          Youíre kidding!  Well let me ask you, do you like sailing?
          ĎCause I read about this place that rents out boats...

                    BIANCA
          A beaucoup problemo, Calvin.  In case you havenít heard,
          my sisterís a particularly hideous breed of
          loser.

                       CAMERON
          Yeah yeah.  I noticed sheís a little anti-social.
          Why is that?

                       BIANCA
          Unsolved mystery.  She used to be
          really popular, and then it was like...she got
          sick of it.  Or something.  There is a [bet] as
          to why, but Iím pretty sure sheís just incapable
          of human interaction.  Plus, sheís a bitch.

                       CAMERON
          Well yeah, but Iím sure, you know, that thereís lots of
          guys who wouldnít mind going out with a...difficult woman.
          I mean, you know, people jump out of airplanes, ski off
          cliffs.  It would be like extreme dating.

                    BIANCA
          You think you could find someone that extreme?

                    CAMERON
          Yeah sure, why not?

She reaches out and touches his arm

                       BIANCA
          Would you do that, for me?

                       CAMERON
          Oh yes!  I mean, you know, I could look into it.


EXT. A STAIRWELL ON CAMPUS - DAY

Michael leads Cameron down a set of concrete steps to a secret gathering
of dating candidates for Kat.

                    MICHAEL
          Now, I have gathered a group of guys.  Couldnít be more
          perfect.  Paduaís finest.

They enter a dank room, wherein waits a very motly crew of the most
unlikely specimens one would expect.  Cameron shoots Michael an
unsatsfied grimace.

                    CAMERON
          Hi.  How ya doiní?  Would any of you be interested
          in dating Katarina Stratford?

What follows is a truncated interview process, where each candidate
in turn sits in the interview chair and gives his response.

                    CANDIDATE 1
          (laughs histerically)

                    CANDIDATE 2
          (stares blankly)

                    CANDIDATE 3
          Ho, Iíve never been that ripped.

                    CANDIDATE 4
          Maybe if we were the last 2 people alive, and
          there were no sheep... Are there sheep?



INT. BIOLOGY CLASS - DAY

Several dissection charts of frog anatomy hang on the walls.
The class is busy dissecting frogs.  Michael and Cameron, naturally,
are lab partners.  Patrick and his punk rock friend, SCURVY, are
hacking away at their own specimen behind them.

                       MICHAEL
          Did I, or did I not, tell you it was pointless?  No
          one will go out with her.

Patrick pulls out a butterfly knife and impales his frog violently
with it.  Cameron has noticed the display.

                       CAMERON
          Hey, what about him?

                       MICHAEL
          Him?  No no.  Donít look at him, okay?
          He's a criminal.  I heard
          he lit a state trooper on fire.  He just
          did a year in San Quentin.

                       CAMERON
          Yeah, well, then at least heís horny.

                       MICHAEL
          I'm serious, man, he's whacked.  He
          sold his own liver on the black market
          for a new set of speakers.

Patrick has taken out a cigarette, but just as he lights
it on the Bunsen burner, Scurvy seizes it and snuffs it out.
Frustrated, Patrick plays with the Bunsen burner instead.

                       CAMERON
          Heís our guy.

Patrick notices them watching him and they quickly turn away.



INT. WOODSHOP - DAY

Boys and a few stray girls nail their pieces of wood.  Cameron
and Michael enter, and Cameron approaches Patrick optimistically.

                       CAMERON
          Hi.  How ya doiní?  Listen, I...

In response, Patrick brandishes a loud power tool and drills
a hole in the middle of Cameronís beloved French book.

                       CAMERON
          (continuing)
          Okay... later then.


INT. A HALLWAY - DAY

Michael is staring through the new window in Cameronís French book.

                    MICHAEL
          How do we get him to date Kat?

                    CAMERON
          I donít know.  I mean, uh, we could pay him.
          But we donít have any money.

                    MICHAEL
          Yeah, well, what we need is a backer.

                    CAMERON
          Whatís that?

                    MICHAEL
          Someone with money whoís stupid.

They both look pensive.


INT. CAFETERIA - DAY

Joey and his pals sit at a table while Joey draws a pair of boobs
on a cafeteria tray with a magic marker.

                    JOEY
          Oh yeah!

Michael walks up and sits at the table, casual as can be.

                       MICHAEL
          Is that a peach Fruit Roll-Up?  ĎCause you
          donít see many...

Joeyís friend grabs his wrist as he reaches for the Roll-Up.

                    MICHAEL
          (continues)
          ...oh, okay.  Yeah, Alright.

His wrist is released as he withdraws his hand.

                       JOEY
          Are you lost?

                       MICHAEL
          No, actually, I just came by to chat.

                       JOEY
          We don't chat.

                       MICHAEL
          Well, actually, I thought that I'd run an
          idea by you.  Just to see if you're interested.

                       JOEY
          Iím not.

                       MICHAEL
          Well, hear me out.  Now...

Joey grabs Michael by the side of the head and proceeds to
draw a penis on his cheek with the magic marker.   Michael
suffers the indignity and speaks undaunted.

                    MICHAEL
          (continues)
          ...you want Bianca, right?
          But she can't go out with you because
          her sister is this insane head case and
          no one will go out with her, right?

                       JOEY
          Does this conversation have a purpose?

                       MICHAEL
          What I think you need to do is, you need to hire
          a guy who'll go out with her.  Someone who
          doesnít scare so easy.

Michael points to Patrick, who sits with Scurvy.  Patrick spits
a stone from a piece of fruit at his tray.

                       JOEY

          That guy?  I heard he ate a live duck once.

                       MICHAEL
          Everything but the beak and the feet.
          Clearly heís a solid investment.


Joey turns to look at Michael.

                       JOEY

          What's in it for you?

                       MICHAEL
          Hey.  Iím walkiní down the hall and say hello
          to you.  You say hello to me.

                    JOEY
          Yeah yeah.  I get it.  Youíre cool by association.
          Iíll think about it.

Michael looks pleased and bobs his head as if grooving to music.

                    JOEY
          (continuing)
          Weíre done now.

                    MICHAEL
          Yeah.

He gets up and walks to the back of the room where Cameron waits
anxiously.

                       CAMERON
          (upset)
          What are you doing getting him involved?

                    MICHAEL
          Relax now, relax.  We let him pretend heís
          calling the shots.  While heís setting things
          up, you have time with Bianca.

                    CAMERON
          That is a good idea.

Cameron leaves.


EXT. A HILL OVERLOOKING THE STADIUM - DAY

Bogie Levenstein has gathered his club of future yuppies for
a golf lesson.

                    BOGIE
          Now remember guys.  Grip it, and rip it.

He hits the golf ball down into the stadium field, where it is
collected by a kid holding a basket of balls.
The field is filled with students exercising.  The womenís soccer
team is practicing.
Joey makes his way toward Patrick, who is sitting with Scurvy and
smoking.

                    JOEY
          Hey, how ya doiní?

Patrick ignores him completely.

                    JOEY
          (tries to break the ice)
          I had some great duck last night...

                    PATRICK
          Do I know you?

                    JOEY
          See that girl?

He turns to see Kat playing soccer on the field.

                    PATRICK
          Yeah.

                    JOEY
          Thatís Kat Stratford.  I want you to go
          out with her.

                    PATRICK
          (sarcastic)
          Yeah sure, Sparky.

He and Scurvy laugh at the idea.

                    JOEY
          Look.  I canít take out her sister until Kat
          starts dating.  You see, their dadís whacked
          out.  Heís got this rule where the girls...

                    PATRICK
          Thatís a touching story.  It really is.
          Not my problem.

                    JOEY
          Would you be willing to make it your problem
          if I provide generous compensation?

                    PATRICK
          Youíre going to pay me to take out some chick?

                    JOEY
          (pleased)
          Mmm hmm.

                    PATRICK
          How much?

                    JOEY
          Twenty bucks.

Patrick turns to have another look at Kat.  She violently body checks
another girl and knocks her down.

                    JOEY
          (continuing)
          Fine.  30.

                    PATRICK
          Well letís think about this.  We go to the movies.
          Thatís, uh, 15 bucks.  We get popcorn.  Thatís, uh,
          53.  And, uh, sheíll want Raisonettes, right?  So,
          uh, weíre lookiní at 75 bucks.

                    JOEY
          This ainít a negotiation.  Take it or leave it,
          trailer park.

                    PATRICK
          50 bucks and weíve got a deal, Fabio.

Joey hands him 50 dollars.


EXT. SOCCER FIELD - DAY

Kat and the rest of the team complete their practice
session.  MR. CHAPIN, the coach, calls the girls in over his
megaphone.

                    MR. CHAPIN
          Great practice, everybody.

Patrick snuffs out a cigarette and approaches Kat.

                       PATRICK
          Hey there, girlie.  How ya doin'?

                       KAT
          Sweating like a pig, actually.  And
          yourself?

                       PATRICK
          Now there's a way to get a guy's attention, huh?

                       KAT
          My mission in life.

She stands there undaunted, hand on hip.

                       KAT
          (continuing)
          But obviously I've struck your fancy. So,
          you see, it worked.  The world makes
          sense again.

She walks away.  He follows.

                       PATRICK
          Pick you up Friday, then

                       KAT
          Oh, right.  Friday.  Uh huh.

                       PATRICK
          The night I take you to places you've
          never been before.

                       KAT
          Like where?  The 7-Eleven on Broadway?
          Do you even know my name, screwboy?

                       PATRICK
          I know a lot more than you think.

                       KAT
          Doubtful.  Very doubtful.

She walks away quickly, leaving him standing alone.


ACROSS THE FIELD Cameron and Michael watch.

                    CAMERON
          We are screwed.

                       MICHAEL
          Hey, no, hey.  I donít want to hear that defeatist
          attitude.  I want to hear you upbeat.

                    CAMERON
          We are screwed!

                    MICHAEL
          There you go.

As they watch, the coach gets hit with a golf ball and falls to the
ground.  We cut back to Bogie and his group of MBA nerds.

                    MBA KID
          Run Bogie!

Bogie is motionless, a super-cheese smile glued to his face.



INT. STRATFORD HOUSE/BATHROOM - NIGHT

Kat washes her face at the sink.  Bianca enters behind her.

                       BIANCA
          Have you ever considered a new look? I
          mean, seriously, you could have some
          definite potential buried under all this
          hostility.

                       KAT
          Iím not hostile.  Iím annoyed.

                       BIANCA
          Why donít you try being nice?  People wouldnít know
          what to think.

                    KAT
          You forget.  I donít care what people think.

                    BIANCA
          Yes you do.

                    KAT
          No I donít.  You donít always have to be who they want
          you to be, you know.

                    BIANCA
          I happen to like being adored, thank you.

                    KAT
          Whereíd you get the pearls?

                    BIANCA
          Theyíre momís

                    KAT
          (upset)
          And youíve been what?  Hiding them for 3 years?

                    BIANCA
          No.  Daddy found them in a drawer last week.

                    KAT
          So youíre just gonna start wearing them now?

                    BIANCA
          Itís not like sheís coming back to claim them.
          And besides, they look good on me.

                    KAT
          Trust me.  They donít.



EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET - DAY

Kat emerges from a store.  Patrick is waiting for her,
leaning casually against her front fender.

                       PATRICK
          Nice ride. Vintage fenders.

                       KAT
          Are you following me?

                       PATRICK
          I was in the laundromat. I saw your
          car. I came over to say hi.

                       KAT
          Hi.

She moves to open the door, but he slides over and blocks her way.

                       PATRICK
          Not a big talker, huh?

                       KAT
          Depends on the topic. My fenders don't
          really whip me into a verbal frenzy.

                    PATRICK
          (seems genuinely intrigued by her resistance)
          Youíre not afraid of me, are you?

                    KAT
          Afraid of you?  Why would I be afraid of you?

                    PATRICK
          Well, most people are.

                    KAT
          Well, Iím not.

                    PATRICK
          Well, maybe youíre not afraid of me.  But Iím
          sure youíve thought about me naked, huh?

He gives her a knowing wink.

                    KAT
          (sarcastic)
          Am I that transparent?  I want you, I need you,
          Oh baby, oh baby.

She opens the door and forces him out of the way.

She starts to pull out and is blocked by Joey's sports car,
which pulls up perpendicular to her rear and parks.

Joey emerges and heads for the stores.

                    KAT
          What is it?  Asshole day?
          (to Joey)
          Hey!  Do you mind?

                       JOEY
          Not at all.

He continues on into the store.  Kat stares at him in
disbelief... then backs up fast.

Her vintage fenders crash into the door of Joey's precious
ego-mobile.

Patrick watches with a delighted grin as Joey races back to
his car.

                       JOEY
          You bitch!

Kat watches with an innocent look of surprise.

                    KAT
          (sarcastic)
          Whoops.


INT. STRATFORD HOUSE - NIGHT

Walter paces as Kat sits calmly on the couch.

                       WALTER
          Whoops?!  My insurance does not cover PMS.

                       KAT
          Well, then tell them I had a seizure.

                       WALTER
          Is this about Sarah Lawrence? Are you
          punishing me because I want you to stay close to home?

                       KAT
          Arenít you punishing me because mom left?

                       WALTER
          You think you could leave her out of this?

                       KAT
          Fine.  Then stop making my decisions for me.

                       WALTER
          Iím your father.  That's my right.

                       KAT
          So what I want doesn't matter?

                       WALTER
          You're eighteen.  You don't know what
          you want.  And you won't know what you want until you're
          forty-five.  And if you get it, youíll be too old to use it.

                       KAT
          I want to go to an East Coast school! I
          want you to trust me to make my own
          choices.  And I want you to stop trying to control
          my life just because you canít control yours.

                       WALTER
          Oh yeah?  Well you know what I want...

Walter's BEEPER goes off.

                    WALTER
          (continuing)
          Weíll continue this later.

                    KAT
          Canít wait.

She heads out of the room and is intercepted by Bianca, whoís
just off the phone.

                    BIANCA
          (angry)
          Did you just maim Joeyís car?

                    KAT
          Yeah.  Looks like youíre gonna have to take the bus.

                    BIANCA
          Has the fact that youíre completely psycho
          managed to escape your attention?

Kat walks away.

                    BIANCA
          Daddy!



INT. HALLWAY - DAY

Patrick shuts his locker revealing
Joey's angry visage, glowering next to him.

                       JOEY
          When I shell out fifty, I expect
          results.

                       PATRICK
          Yeah, I'm on it.

                       JOEY
          Watching the bitch violate my car doesn't
          count as a date.

                    JOEY
          If you donít get any, I donít get any.
          Letís go get some.

Joey starts to walk off

                       PATRICK
          I just upped my price

                       JOEY
          (turning)
          What?

                       PATRICK
          A hundred bucks a date.  In advance.

                       JOEY
          Forget it.

                       PATRICK
          Forget her sister, then.

Joey thinks for a frustrated moment, then peels another
fifty out of his wallet.

                       JOEY
          You better hope you're as smooth as you
          think you are, Verona.

Patrick takes the money with a smile.



INT. SHOP CLASS - DAY

Michael and Cameron enter the class.  Scurvy brushes by them.

                    CAMERON
          Go.

                    MICHAEL
          No, you go.

                    CAMERON
          I went before.

Cameron makes his way to where Patrick is working at the buffer.

                    CAMERON
          (to Patrick)
          We know what youíre trying to do,
          with Kat Stratford.

                    PATRICK
          Is that right?  And what do you plan
          to do about it?

                    CAMERON
          Help you out.

                    PATRICK
          Whyís that?

                       MICHAEL
          The situation is, my man Cameron here
          has a major jones for Bianca Stratford.

                       PATRICK
          What is it with this chick?  She have
          beer flavored nipples?

                    CAMERON
          Hey!

                       MICHAEL
          I think I speak correctly when I say
          that Cameron's love is pure.  Purer than
          say -- Joey Donner's.

                       PATRICK
          Look.  I'm in on this for the cash.
          Donner can plow whoever he wants.

                    CAMERON
          Okay.  There will be no plowing!

                       MICHAEL
          Patrick, uh, Pat.  Let me explain something
          to you here.  We set this whole thing up so
          Cameron can get the girl.  Cameron.  Joey's just a pawn.

                       PATRICK
          So you two are gonna help me tame the wild
          beast?

                       MICHAEL
          (grinning)
          Weíll do some research.  Weíll find out what she
          likes.  We are your guys.

                       CAMERON
          And he means that in a strictly non-
          prison-movie type of way.

                    MICHAEL
          Letís start here.  Now, Friday night.
          Bogie Levenstein is having a party.  Itís the
          perfect opportunity.

                    PATRICK
          Opportunity for what?

                    MICHAEL
          For you to take out Kat.

                       PATRICK
          IĎll think about it.

He walks away, leaving Michael and Cameron grinning at each other.

                       MICHAEL
          (continuing)
          And for a little payback.  This is gonna be some party.

Close-Up on a party invitation Michael holds up.  It advertises
a ďwine and cheeseĒ party.  Transition.  The words ďwine and cheeseĒ
are replaced by ďfree beerĒ.  ďDonít callĒ and ďjust show upĒ are
printed at the bottom next to Bogieís address in Seattle.

                       MICHAEL
          Letís do this.

Slow motion shot of them dumping a pile of fliers down the school
stairwell.  Studentsí hands reach out and grab them as they fall.



INT. HALLWAY - DAY

Joey stands at his open locker with Bianca.


                       JOEY
          Okay now, this is important.
          Which do you like better?

He holds up two identical glamour model photos. In one, he's
wearing a white shirt.  In the other, he's in a black shirt.

                       BIANCA
          Um, I think I like the white shirt better.

Joey nods thoughtfully.

                       JOEY
          Yeah.  It's more...

                       BIANCA
          Pensive?


                       JOEY
          Damn.  I was going for thoughtful.
          So, you going to Bogey Lowenbrau's
          thing on Friday night?

                       BIANCA
          Yeah.  I might.

He gives her his best flirtatious smile

                       JOEY
          Good, 'cause, you know, I'm not gonna bother if
          you won't be there.

The class bell rings.

                    JOEY
          See you there.

                    BIANCA
          Okay.

                    JOEY
          Bye.

She walks away.  He turns to a mirror hanging in his locker
and winks at himself, then unhappily adjusts an out-of-place hair.


EXT. UNDER A BRIDGE - DAY

Bianca and Cameron are on a nice walk together.  No one else is around.

                       CAMERON
          So have you heard about Bogey Lowenstein's
          party?

                       BIANCA
          (pouting)
          Yes.  And I really, really, really wanna go, but
          I can't.  Not unless my sister goes.

                       CAMERON
          Yeah I know.  I'm workin' on that. But so far sheís
          not goiní for my guy.

He fishes for information.

                       CAMERON
          (continuing)
          She's not a...

                       BIANCA
          KD Lang fan?  No. I found a picture of
          Jared Leto in her drawer once, so I'm
          pretty sure she's not harboring same-sex
          tendencies.

                       CAMERON
          Okay.  So that's the kind of guy she likes?
          Pretty guys?

                       BIANCA
          I donít know.  All I've ever heard her say
          is that she'd die before dating a guy
          that smokes.

                       CAMERON
          Okay.  All right.  What else?

                    BIANCA
          Youíre asking me to investigate the inner workings
          of my sisterís twisted mind?  I donít think so.

                    CAMERON
          Well nothing else has worked.  I mean, we need to
          go behind enemy lines here.


INT. KATíS BEDROOM - DAY

Bianca rifles through Katís drawers while Cameron watches with
notable interest.

                    BIANCA
          Okay, here we go.

As she names off pertinent discoveries, she hands them to Cameron.

                    BIANCA
          (continuing)
          Class schedule, reading list, date book,
          coffee tickets, um, concert tickets.
          Ah ha!  Black panties!

                    CAMERON
          What does that tell us?

                    BIANCA
          She wants to have sex some day, thatís what.

                    CAMERON
          (flustered by this intimate detail)
          She could just like the color...

                    BIANCA
          You donít buy black lingerie unless you want
          someone to see it.

                    CAMERON
          (perhaps encouraged by this development)
          Oh.  So, uh, can I see your room?

                    BIANCA
          No.  A girlís room is very personal.

                    CAMERON
          Oh.


EXT. BIKER BAR - NIGHT

Michael and Cameron arrive on Michaelís dumpy motorbike and
park next to a hard-looking cat on a heavy bike.

                    BIKER
          Nice bike.

                    MICHAEL
          Yeah?  You think so?

The biker roars off without answering.


INT. BIKER BAR - NIGHT

Michael and Cameron make their way through the surly denizens
of the saloon, who watch them in wonder.

                    CAMERON
          Wow.  Is this what a bar looks like?

                    MICHAEL
          Donít touch anything.  You may get hepatitis.

They head toward Patrick, who plays pool by himself.  As they
pass another table, Michael picks up the eight ball, ruining the
game-winning shot a tough guy is making, and tosses it back onto
the table without realizing what heís done.

                       PATRICK
          So what've you got for me?

                       CAMERON
          A little insight into a very complicated girl.

                       MICHAEL
          (to Patrick)
          Just one question before we start: should you be
          drinking alcohol when you don't have a liver?

                       PATRICK
          What?!

                       MICHAEL
          Nothing.  Nothing.

                       CAMERON
          First thing: Kat hates smokers

Cameron plucks the cigarette out of Patrickís fingers and drops
it on the floor.  Patrick isnít pleased.

                       PATRICK
          Youíre telling me I'm a -
          (spits the word out)
          "non-smoker"?

                       MICHAEL
          Yeah.  But just for now.

                       CAMERON
          And thereís another problem.  Bianca said that
          Kat likes -- pretty guys.

This is met with silence.  Then:

                       PATRICK
          Are you telling me Iím not a pretty guy?

                       MICHAEL
          He's very pretty!  Heís a gorgeous guy.

                       CAMERON
          I wasn't sure.  I didnít know.

Cameron pulls out a list of information.

                       CAMERON
          (continuing)
          Alright.  Okay -- Likes:  Thai food, feminist
          prose, and "angry, girl music of
          the indie-rock persuasion".  Hereís a list of
          CDs that she has in her room.

                       PATRICK
          So I'm supposed to buy her some noodles and a
          book and sit around listening to chicks
          who can't play their instruments, right?

                       MICHAEL
          Have you ever been to Club Skunk?


                       CAMERON
          Her favorite band is playing there tomorrow
          night.

                       PATRICK
          I canít be seen at Club Skunk, alright?

                    CAMERON
          But sheíll be there.  Sheís got tickets.

                       MICHAEL
          Just assail your ears for one night.

                       CAMERON
          She has a pair of black underwear, if that helps.

                    MICHAEL
          (with a wink-wink-nudge-nudge voice)
          Couldnít hurt, right?


INT. CLUB SKUNK - NIGHT

Patrick walks down the hallway toward the stage and is eyed
suspiciously by various girls in the hall.  He enters, searches
the crowd, and finds Kat dancing with Mandella.  He sits at the bar.

                    BARTENDER
          Verona!  What are you doing here tonight?

Kat stops dancing and shouts at her friends.

                    KAT
          I need agua!

She heads for the bar.

                    KAT
          (to the bartender)
          Two waters.

She spots Patrick ignoring her and looks disgusted.

                    KAT
          (to Patrick)
          If youíre planning on asking me out again, you
          might as well just get it over with.

                    PATRICK
          (pretending to be absorbed by the music)
          Would you mind?  Youíre kind of ruining this for me.

                    KAT
          Youíre not surrounded by your usual cloud of smoke.

                    PATRICK
          I know.  I quit.  Apparently theyíre bad for you.

                    KAT
          (too surprised to be sarcastic)
          You did?

                    PATRICK
          You know, these guys are no Bikini Kill or Raincoats,
          but theyíre not bad.

He stands and heads into the crowd.  Stunned for a moment, Kat
rushes after him.

                    KAT
          You know who the Raincoats are?

                    PATRICK
          Why?  Donít you?  I was watching you out there before...

The song ends and there is a moment of silence in the club as he
continues to use his loud-club-volume voice.

                    PATRICK
          (continuing)
          Iíve never seen you look so sexy.

The crowd hears him clearly and laughs.  He grins with embarrassment.

                    PATRICK
          (continuing)
          Come to Bogieís party with me.

                    KAT
          You never give up, do you?

She begins to walk away through the crowd.

                    PATRICK
          Was that a yes?

                    KAT
          (shouting over her shoulder)
          No.

                    PATRICK
          Well, was that a no?

                    KAT
          No.

                    PATRICK
          (shouting after her)
          Iíll see you at 9:30 then.



INT. STRATFORD LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Bianca and Chastity are dolled-up in party clothes and are
attempting to sneak down the stairs and out the door.
Walter is reading the paper, facing the opposite direction.

                    WALTER
          You should have used the window.

She pretends everything is normal.

                       BIANCA
          Hi Daddy.

                       WALTER
          Hi. Where are we going?

                       BIANCA
          Well, if you must know, a small study
          group of friends.

                       WALTER
          Otherwise known as an orgy?

                    CHASTITY
          Mr. Stratford, itís just a party.

                    WALTER
          And Hell is just a sauna.

Kat comes walking down the stairs, oblivious of whatís going on.
Walter directs his attention toward Kat.

                       WALTER
          You know about any party?

Kat shrugs and shakes her head.

                       BIANCA
          People expect me to be there!

                       WALTER
          If Kat's not going, you're not going.

Bianca turns to Kat.

                       BIANCA
          Why canít you be normal?

                       KAT
          Define normal.

                       BIANCA
          Bogey Lowenstein's party is normal.


                       WALTER
          What's a Bogey Lowenstein?

                    KAT
          Bogieís party is just a lame excuse for all the
          idiots at our school to drink beer and rub up
          against each other in hopes of distracting
          themselves from the pathetic emptiness of their...

Chastity and Bianca are familiar with this old rant and chime in
to finish her sentence for her.

                    BIANCA/CHASTITY
          ...meaningless, consumer-driven lives.

Kat stops short.  Surprised sheís become so predictable.

                    BIANCA
          Can you, for just one night, forget that youíre
          completely wretched and be my sister?  Please?
          Please?!  Címon, Kat, please do this for me.

Sheís very sincere.  Kat is swayed.

                    KAT
          Fine.  Iíll make an appearance.

Bianca and Chastity look at each other, thrilled, and burst
into gleeful screams, hugging Kat from either side.

                       WALTER
          It's starting.

                       BIANCA
          It's just a party. Daddy.

Walter looks dazed.

                       WALTER
          I want you to wear the belly.

                       BIANCA
          Daddy, no!

                       WALTER
          Not all night.  Just around the living room
          for a minute so you can understand the full
          weight of your decisions.

He rushes to a cupboard and pulls out a padded faux-
pregnancy jacket.  Bianca limply holds out her arms in defeat.
He hangs it on her.

                    BIANCA
          I am perfectly aware...

                    WALTER
          Listen to me.  Every time you even think about
          kissing a boy, I want you to picture wearing
          this under your halter top.

                       BIANCA
          You are so completely unbalanced.

                    WALTER
          Uh huh.

                       KAT
          Weíre going now.

                       WALTER
          (to Kat)
          Alright, wait a minute. No drinking.  No drugs. No kissing.
          No tattoos. No piercings.  No ritual animal slaughter of
          any kind.
          (to himself)
          Oh god, Iím giving them ideas...

Kat opens the door, and there stands Patrick.

                    KAT
          What are you doing here?

                       PATRICK
          Nine-thirty right?

Kat's in shock

                       PATRICK
          (continuing)
          I'm early.

                       KAT
          Whatever.  I'm driving.

He peeks in behind her.

                       PATRICK
          Who knocked up your sister?




INT. MICHAELíS HOUSE - NIGHT
Cameron and Michael are preparing to go to the party.  Michael
employs a variety of questionable beautification techniques.

                       CAMERON
          So, then Bianca says that I was right.  That
          she didn't wear the Kenneth Coles with that
          dress because she thought it was
          mixing genres. Right?  And the fact
          that I noticed -- and this is a direct quote -
          "really meant something."

Cameron looks At Michael expectantly

                       MICHAEL
          You told me that part already.

                       CAMERON
          I've been thinking about it all the time...

                       MICHAEL
          Stop being so self-involved for one minute.
          How do I look?

                       CAMERON
          You look like my great uncle, Milton.

                       MICHAEL
          You think I should lose the tie?

                       CAMERON
          (obviously)
          Yeah.

                       MICHAEL
          Maybe youíre right.
          (very flustered and nervous)
          Iím just so nervous.  You know?  And Iím also very
          excited.  Iím nervous and Iím excited.  Itís all
          very mixed up.  I donít know...

                    CAMERON
          Okay, alright.  Just calm down.  Alright.

                    MICHAEL
          The last party I went to was at Chuck-E-Cheeze. You
          wanna talk about some fun?
          (he snorts happily)
          Thatís a good time.



EXT. BOGEY LOWENSTEIN'S HOUSE - NIGHT

A huge pack of party-goers, carrying kegs and ready to have some
fun, charge through the night like hungry wolves, descending on
Bogeyís well-lit, upscale, suburban home.





INT. BOGEY LOWENSTEIN'S HOUSE - NIGHT

BOGEY, the leader of the Future MBAís, plays the host to some stiff-looking
kids arranged on some flowery sofas in a very expensive-looking den.
He hands out cigars proudly.

                       BOGEY
          Now remember guys.  Donít touch anything.

He spots one of his guests fondling a crystal vase and seizes it.

                    BOGEY
          (continuing)
          Oh...what did I tell you?

He puts it back where it came from as the doorbell rings.  He
lights up and heads for the door.

                    BOGEY
          That must be Nigel with the Brie.

Before he gets to the door, the room is stampeded with partiers.
Within second the house is filled to capacity.  A DJ is suddenly
spinning and booze is everywhere.


INT. UPSTAIRS BALCONY, BOGIEíS - NIGHT

Michael drifts through an archway with a beer in his hand and
bee-lines for a busty blonde.

                    MICHAEL
          (to girl)
          You know, Iím thinking about getting a Tercel.
          Yeah, thatís a Toyota.

She winces and she and her friend start to walk away.

                    MICHAEL
          (shouting after her)
          It has dual-side airbags and a spacious back seat.

Across the way, Kat and Patrick come up the stairs to the
balcony.  Patrick encounters a very drunk and happy girl.

                    DRUNK GIRL
          (to Patrick)
          Kiss me!

She embraces him and he turns her around and nudges her into
the arms of a lonely guy on a chair.

                    PATRICK
          Kiss him.

She immediately falls upon the lucky guyís lips.  He manages
to tear himself away for a moment as Patrick passes.

                    LUCKY GUY
          (to Patrick)
          Hey, thanks man!

In doing so, he forgets about the girl and drops her on the ground.
Meanwhile, Kat has made her way into the next room, where she is
met by Joey.

                       JOEY
          Sweet!  Lookin' fresh tonight, Pussy-Kat.

Kat gives him a dark look and then stops and points at his
forehead.

                       KAT
          Wait -- was that?-- Did your hairline
          just recede?

Heís flustered for a moment.  When he recovers she's already walking away.

                       JOEY
          Hey, where ya goin?

                       KAT
          Away.

                       JOEY
          Your sister here?

                       KAT
          Stay away from my sister.

                       JOEY
          (smirking)
          Oh Iíll stay away from your sister.  But
          I canít guarantee sheíll stay away from me.

A ruckus sounds from the next room and a jock jumps in next to them.

                       JOCK
          Fight!

                    JOEY
          Ooo!  Fight!

He and the Jock run off to watch.  Two guys are slugging it out in the den.
Bogie watches in horror.

                    BOGIE
          You guys, please!  Take it outside!

They wrestle and crash through the bay window onto the grass outside.

                    BOGIE
          Thank you.

Kat pushes through the gathered crowd to get away and encounters Joey
with Bianca on his arm.

                       JOEY
          Hey Kat.  Look who found me.

Joey and Bianca walk away.  She ignores Kat.

                       KAT
          Bianca, wait!

                    BIANCA
          (annoyed)
          Please donít address me in public.

                    KAT
          No wait.  Thereís something I need to tell you.

                    BIANCA
          Look.  I am busy enjoying my adolescence, so
          scamper off and do the same.

                    JOEY
          (loving this)
          Bye bye.

They leave a dejected Kat behind.  A guy with a tray of shots
sidles up next to Kat.

                    SHOTS GUY
          Want one?

Patrick appears behind her as she snatches a shot and downs it with
a grimace of intense discomfort.

                    PATRICK
          Whatís this?

                    SHOTS GUY
          Right on, sister!

                       PATRICK
          (to Kat)
          Iíve been looking all over the place for you.

                       KAT
          (mocking)
          "I'm getting trashed, man." Isn't that
          what you're supposed to do at a party?

                       PATRICK
          I dunno.  I say, do what you wanna do.

                       KAT
          Funny, you're the only one.  Later.

She pushes away into the crowd.


INT. BOGEY'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Michael spots another pair of girls and tries his luck again.
He does a weak impression of an Irish jig.

                       MICHAEL
          Lord of the Dance.  Hi Heather.

                    HEATHER
          Bite me.

She walks away.

                    MICHAEL
          (undaunted and still quite cheery)
          Should have kept the tie.

Cameron comes up behind him.

                    CAMERON
          Hey.  Have you seen her around anywhere?

Michael spots Bianca and Chastity coming down the stairs
and points Cameron in her direction.

                       MICHAEL
          Relax.  Relax.  Iím telling you,
          follow the love, man.

Cameron walks over to the girls.

                    CAMERON
          Hi Bianca.

                       BIANCA
          Oh, hi Cameron.

                       BIANCA
          Um, you know Chastity?

A bit uncomfortable, she pushes Chastity between them.

                       CAMERON
          (to Chastity)
          Yeah.  I think we have art together, right?

                       CHASTITY
          (not amused)
          Great.

                       CAMERON
          (to Bianca)
          So, uh, you really look amazing.

Chastity shows pitiable disdain at his obvious pass.

                       BIANCA
          (uncomfortable)
          Thanks.

Joey comes down the stairs and has overheard Cameronís
compliment.  Chastity looks him up and down approvingly.

                    JOEY
          We all know I look amazing.

The girls both giggle.

                    JOEY
          Bianca, letís go.  Weíre all congregating
          around Mr. Cuervo.

                    BIANCA
          (to Cameron)
          Um, Iíll see you around, okay?

Joey and the girls walk away as Cameron stares in disbelief.
Joey looks back just long enough to flash him a thumbís up.
Cameron is crushed.


INT. A ROOM, BOGEY'S HOUSE - NIGHT


Bianca walks next to Joey as he blathers about modeling.

                       JOEY
          So I've got the Sears catalog
          thing going -- and the tube sock gig.
          That is gonna be huge!

He pauses as someone screams and falls off the roof outside
the window.

                    JOEY
          (continuing)
          And Iím up for a hemorrhoid cream ad next week.

Bianca looks truly offended.

                       JOEY
          (continuing)
          I know it sounds kind of bogus, but...I get getta
          do some acting.

He pauses again, this time to place his empty can of Budweiser
atop a large beer-can pyramid.  He then strikes a pose.  Bianca
isnít watching.

                    JOEY
          You see what I did there?

                    BIANCA
          Um... uh huh.

                       JOEY
          That was underwear.  Iíll show you the bathing suit
          one next.

Itís exactly the same.

                    JOEY
          (continuing)
          You see the difference?

She turns away looking disgusted again.  He notices her lack of
interest and takes it in stride, turning immediately to someone
behind him.

                    JOEY
          (to other person)
          Okay, Iíll show you.

Bianca uses the opportunity to slip away.


INT. BOGEY'S DEN - NIGHT


A cowboy sits with another kid chewing tobacco.  He unloads a mouthful
of it into a nice crystal vase.  Bogie takes the vase from them and
moans woefully.

Bianca passes, searching the crowd, and spots Joey through an archway
striking poses for a crowd.  She turns away and faces Cameron, who is
obviously not happy with the eveningís turn of events.

Bianca decided to avoid the inevitable conflict and pulls Chastity in
the opposite direction.

                    BIANCA
          (to Chastity)
          Is it just me, or does this party all of a
          sudden suck?

They walk away.  Cameron looks sour.



INT. BOGEY'S KITCHEN - NIGHT

Patrick is searching for Kat.  He passes the Drunk Girl and Lucky
Guy from earlier, and the guy grabs his shirt.

                    LUCKY GUY
          Really.  Really!  Thank you!

Patrick gives him a pat on the shoulder and moves on.  He spots Kat,
who is already very drunk, standing with a fresh shot in her hand.
Patrick tries to remove a shot glass from Kat's hand.

                       PATRICK

          Hey hey hey!  Why donít you let me have this one, huh?

Kat is fierce in her refusal and pulls the shot away.

                       KAT
          No!  This oneís mine.

She rushes off.
Joey enters, grabbing Patrick by the shoulder, distracting
him from following Kat.

                       JOEY
          My man!  How did you get her to do it?

                       PATRICK
          Do what?

                       JOEY
          Act like a human.

They both notice Kat has climbed up on a table in the next
room and is dancing.  Joey is very pleased and rushes to watch.

                    JOEY
          Yeah!  Alright!

Others form a crowd, clapping and cheering her on.  Bianca
sees her from the balcony and rushes off.  Kat completes her
dance by falling off the table. Patrick catches her.


                       PATRICK
          Are you okay?

                       KAT
          I'm fine.

She tries to sit up, but falls back again.

                       PATRICK
          You're not fine.  Címon.

He helps her to walk away from the table and down the hall.

                       KAT
          I just need to lie down somewhere.

                       PATRICK
          Uh, uh. You lie down and you'll go to
          sleep

                       KAT
          Sleep is good.

                       PATRICK
          Yeah.  Not if you have a concussion.



EXT. BOGIEíS HOUSE - NIGHT

A few partygoers stand around as Patrick guides her toward a
stone bench.

                       PATRICK
          C'mon.  Here, sit down.  Sit.

As Patrick sits Kat down, Cameron comes up next to him.


                    CAMERON
          (to Patrick)
          Hey, hey.  We need to talk.

                       PATRICK
          I'm a little busy right now.

                       CAMERON
          Can you give me a second?

Patrick steps aside with him.

                    CAMERON
          (continuing)
          It's off, okay?  The whole thingís off.

                       PATRICK
          Whatíre you talking about?

                       CAMERON
          She never wanted me.  She wanted Joey the
          whole time.

Patrick doesn't have time for this.

                       PATRICK
          Cameron -- do you like the girl?

                       CAMERON
          Yeah.

                       PATRICK
          (impatient)
          Yeah.  And is she worth all this trouble?

                    CAMERON
          Well, I thought she was.  But, you know, I...

                    PATRICK
          Well she is or she isnít.  See, first of all, Joey
          is not half the man you are.  Secondly, donít let
          anyone ever make you feel like you donít deserve
          what you want.  Go for it!

Kat begins to fall off the bench and Patrick catches her again.
He stands her up and they walk away.

                    PATRICK
          (to Kat)
          Címon.

Patrick continues walking an oblivious Kat away from the party.
Cameron stands there, unsure how to make use of this advice.



EXT. THE STREET OUTSIDE BOGIEíS HOUSE - NIGHT

Patrick marches Kat down the street, holding her up.  They head
up a hill.

                       KAT
          (annoyed at being held up)
          Youíre so patronizing.

                       PATRICK
          Leave it to you to use big words when
          you're smashed.

She pushes his arm off and tries to walk on her own.

                    KAT
          I donít think so.

She falls down and stands back up again.

                    PATRICK
          Okay...

                       KAT
          Why are you doing this?

                       PATRICK
          I told you.  You may have a concussion.

                       KAT
          You don't care if I never wake up.

                       PATRICK
          (he grins)
          Sure, I do.

                       KAT
          Why?

They reach a set of two swings hedged by ivy and stop.

                       PATRICK
          Well then, because then I'd have to start taking
          out girls who actually like me.

                       KAT
          Like you could find one.

                       PATRICK
          See that, there?  Who needs affection when
          I have blind hatred?

                       KAT
          Let me sit down for a while.

She walks over to the swings and plops down,
moving her hands to hang onto the ropes.

She sits and looks at him for a moment with a smile. Then
falls over backward, just in time to be caught--again.

                       PATRICK
          Jesus.

Patrick sits on the other swing.

                       PATRICK
          (continuing)
          So why'd you let him get to you?

                       KAT
          Who?

                       PATRICK
          Joey.

                       KAT
          I hate him.

                       PATRICK
          Well, youíve chosen the perfect revenge:
          mainlining tequila.

They both laugh.

                       KAT
          Well, you know what they say...

He stops the swing

                       PATRICK
          No. What do they say?

Kat is asleep, her head resting against the swing's rope.  Heís
concerned about her falling asleep with a possible concussion.

                       PATRICK
          (continuing)
          No no no no!  Kat!  Címon, wake up!  Look at me!
          Listen to me, Kat.  Open your eyes!

He slaps her and she slowly opens her eyes.

                       KAT
          (waking)
          Hey.  Youíre eyes have a little green in them.

He sighs with relief and smiles.  They make meaningful eye
contact, and she then vomits at his feet.



EXT. BOGEY LOWENSTEIN'S DRIVEWAY - NIGHT

Kids loiter outside.  Bianca and Chastity are waiting.

                    BIANCA
          I donít know if we should go...

Joey comes up to them.

                       JOEY
          Hey.  A bunch of us are going to Jaret's
          house.  Ready?

                       BIANCA
          Uh, I have to be home in twenty minutes.

                       CHASTITY
          (eagerly, to Joey)
          You know, I don't have to be home 'til two. So...

                       JOEY
          (to Bianca)
          One more chance...

                    BIANCA
          (not interested)
          Oh, man.  I canít.  Damn.

                    CHASTITY
          Thatís a shame.
          (to Joey)
          Well?

                    JOEY
          (to Chastity)
          You wanna go?

                    CHASTITY
          Sure.

                    BIANCA
          Chastity!

                    CHASTITY
          Hey, you passed.

Chastity leaves with Joey.

                    BIANCA
          (to herself)
          Bitch.

Cameron exits the party and stops when he sees Bianca
standing alone.

                       CAMERON
          (slightly accusatory)
          Hey.  Have fun tonight?

                       BIANCA
          (unenthused)
          Tons.

He starts to walk on.

                       BIANCA
          (continuing)
          Cameron?

He stops. She gives him a helpless smile.

                       BIANCA
          (continuing)
          Do you think you could give me a ride home?

He stops, facing away from her.  He looks very put-out.



INT. KAT'S CAR - NIGHT

Patrick drives as Kat sits in the passenger seat.  She listens
to the stereo.

                       KAT
          I should do this.

                       PATRICK
          Do what?

                       KAT
          This.

She points to the radio.

                       PATRICK
          Start a band?

                       KAT
          (sarcastically)
          No, install car stereos.  Yeah, start a band.
          My father would love that.

Patrick pulls up to her house and stops the car.

                       PATRICK
          You don't strike me as the type that
          would ask your fatherís permission.

She turns to look at him.

                       KAT
          Oh, so now you think you know me?

                       PATRICK
          I'm gettin' there

Her voice loses it's venom

                       KAT
          The only thing people know about me is
          that I'm "scary".

                       PATRICK
          Yeah, well, I'm no picnic myself.

They eye each other, sharing a moment of connection.

                       PATRICK
          (avoiding the tension)
          So what ' s up with your dad?  Is he a
          pain in the ass?

                       KAT
          No.  He just wants me to be someone I'm not.

                       PATRICK
          Who?

                       KAT
          Bianca.

                       PATRICK
          Ah... Bianca.  No offense or anything, I mean,
          I know everyone digs you're sister.  But, um...
          Sheís without.

Kat stares at him with new admiration.

                       KAT
          You know, you're not as vile as I
          thought you were.

She leans drunkenly toward him.

Their faces grow closer as if they're about to kiss And then
Patrick pulls away.

                       PATRICK
          Maybe we should do this another time.

Kat stares at him, pissed.  Then gets out of the car
and stomps off.


CAMERON'S CAR - NIGHT

Bianca and Cameron ride in silence.
He pulls up in front of her house and finally breaks it.

                       CAMERON
          You never wanted to go sailing with me,
          did you?

                       BIANCA
          (lying to be nice)
          Yes I did.

                    CAMERON
          No.  You didnít.

                    BIANCA
          Well, okay.  No.  Not actually.

                       CAMERON
          (upset and disappointed)
          Well, then that's all you had to say.
          You always been this selfish?

BIANCA thinks for a few seconds.

                    BIANCA
          (meekly)
          Yes.

                       CAMERON
          You know, just because you're beautiful, doesn't
          mean you can treat people like they don't matter.
          I mean, I really like you.  Okay?  I defended you
          when people called you conceited.  I helped you
          when you asked me to.  I learned French for you!
          And then you just blow me off...

She looks at him for a moment, then grabs his face and
gives him a kiss on the lips.  He is stunned.  She smiles, then
gets out of the car without another word.

Cameron looks as though heís just been told heís inherited a
billion dollars as she turns, smiles, and walks away.

                       CAMERON
          (regaining his composure)
          And I'm back in the game!


INT. ENGLISH CLASS - DAY

Kat enters the class.  DEREK, a White Rasta, pokes fun at her for
dancing at the party the night before.

                       DEREK
          Kat, me lady, you sway to the rhythm of
          me heart.

CLEM, a cowboy, chimes in as she makes her way to her seat.

                       CLEM
          Dance for me, cowgirl.

                       JOEY
          Kat, babe, what do we owe you for the table dance?

                       MR. MORGAN
          (to the class)
          Allright, not that I care, but how was everybodyís
          weekend?

                       JOEY
          Oh, I donít know.
          Maybe we should ask Kat.

                       MR. MORGAN
          Unless she kicked the crap out of your dumb butt,
          I donít wanna hear about it.  Okay, letís open up
          our books to page 73, sonnet 141.  And listen up:

He quotes from Shakespeareís sonnet with a modern rapper lilt.

                    MR. MORGAN
          (reciting)
          ďIn faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes.
           For they and thee a thousand errors note.
           But Ďtis my heart loves what they despise,
           who in despite of view is pleasíd to dote.Ē
          (continuing as normal)
          Now, I know Shakespeareís a dead white guy.
          But he knows his shit, so we can overlook that.
          I want you all to write your own
          version of this Sonnet.

The class groans in disapproval.
Kat raises her hand.  Mr. Morgan is unpleased.  Heís obviously
accustomed to her opposition.

                    MR. MORGAN
          Yes, Miss I-have-an-opinion-about-everything?

                    KAT
          Do you want this in iambic pentameter?

                    MR. MORGAN
          Youíre not going to fight me on this?

                    KAT
          No.  I think itís a really good assignment.

                    MR. MORGAN
          (laughs)
          Youíre just messiní with me, arenít you?

                    KAT
          No.  Iím really looking forward to writing it.

                    MR. MORGAN
          (thinks sheís mocking him)
          Get out of my class.

                    KAT
          What?

                    MR. MORGAN
          Out.  Get out!

She looks confused, slowly rises and leaves.

                    JOEY
          Thanks Mr. Morgan.

                    MR. MORGAN
          Shut up.



INT. HALLWAY - DAY

Mandella is at her locker.  Drawings of William Shakespeare
adorn the door.  Michael walks up.

                       MICHAEL
          Hey.  Thatís a cool picture.  Whatís the collar for?
          Is it to keep him from licking his stitches?

He laughs at his own joke, then notices her lack of amusement.

                       MICHAEL
          (continuing)
          Kidding.  No, because I know youíre a fan of Shakespeare.

                       MANDELLA
          More than a fan.  Weíre involved.

                       MICHAEL
          Okay.

She continues to ignore him.

                       MICHAEL
          (quoting from Shakespeare)
          ďWho could refrain that had a heart to
          love and in that heart...ď

                    MANDELLA
          (finishing the quote for him)
          ...courage to make love known?

Michael thinks for a minute.

                       MICHAEL
          Macbeth, right?

                       MANDELLA
          (happily stunned)
          Right.

                       MICHAEL
          So, listen... I have this friend...



EXT. SOCCER FIELD - DAY

Cameron sits next to Patrick on the bleachers as they watch
the girls practice.


                       CAMERON
          What'd you do to her?

                       PATRICK
          I didnít do anything.
          Wouldíve been too drunk to remember.

                    CAMERON
          But the plan was working.

                    PATRICK
          What do you care?  I thought you wanted out.

                    CAMERON
          Yeah, well I did, but, uh, that was until she
          kissed me.

                       PATRICK
          (grins)
          Where?

                    CAMERON
          In the car.

Michael is jogging up to them from across the jogging track.  As he
crosses it, he is nearly run over by two joggers.

                    MICHAEL
          Sorry.

                    JOGGERS
          Dweeb!  Putz!

                    MICHAEL
          Iím Sorry!

He sits with Cameron and Patrick.

                    MICHAEL
          Alright.  I talked to her.  I got the scoop.

                    CAMERON
          What did she say?

                       MICHAEL
          Hates him with the fire of a
          thousand suns.  That's a direct quote.

                    PATRICK
          Thanks, Malcolm.  Thatís very comforting of you.

                       CAMERON
          We donít know.  She could just need a day to cool
          off.

A soccer ball flies past them from the field, narrowly missing their
heads.  Kat stands menacingly glaring at them.

                       PATRICK
          (continuing)
          Maybe two.


INT. SCHOOL COURTYARD - DAY

Kat and Mandella walk.  Kat sees a prom flyer and tears it down as the
flier posting girl watches.

                    PROM POSTER GIRL
          Hey!

Kat doesnít hear her and just keeps walking.

                       KAT
          Can you imagine who would go to that antiquated
          mating ritual?

                       MANDELLA
          (raises her hand)
          I would.  But I donít have a date.

                       KAT
          Do you really want to get all dressed up so
          some Drakkar Noir-wearing Dexter with a boner
          can feel you up while youíre forced to listen
          to a band that by definition sucks?

                       MANDELLA
          Alright, alright.  We won't go.  It's not like
          Iíve got a dress anyway.


                       KAT
          You ' re looking at this from entirely the wrong
          perspective.  We're making a statement.

                       MANDELLA
          (unconvinced and sarcastic)
          Oh, goody.  Something new and different
          for us.


EXT. ARCHERY FIELD - DAY

Mr. Chapin instructs as boys and girls shoot arrows at targets.
Joey swaggers up to Bianca, who is taking careful aim.

                       JOEY
          Hey there, Cupid.

                       BIANCA
          (not looking at him)
          Hi, Joey.

                       JOEY
          You're concentrating awfully hard
          considering it's gym class.

She turns to look at him and releases the arrow at an angle.  A cry
is heard off-camera.  Bianca clearly isnít interested in talking to Joey.

                    BIANCA
          Can I help you?

                       JOEY
          I want to talk to you about prom.

                       BIANCA
          Look, you know the deal.  I can't go if Kat
          doesn't go.

In the background, Mr. Chapin crumples to the ground with an arrow
sticking out of his rear end.  Chastity scurries over to help him.

                       JOEY
          Your sister is going.

Bianca looks at him, surprised

                       BIANCA
          Since when?

                       JOEY
          Oh, letís just say I'm taking care of it.

Joey takes an arrow and hands it to her as he walks away.



INT. HALLWAY - DAY

Joey hands 2 $100 bills to Patrick.

                       JOEY
          Here.  This should take care of the flowers, the limo,
          the tux, everything.  Just make sure she gets to the prom.

Patrickís conscience seems to be bothering him.

                       PATRICK
          You know what?  Iím sick of playing your little game.

He hands back the cash.  Joey reaches into his pocket again and looks around.

                    JOEY
          You sick of, letís say, 300?

Patrick looks a bit tortured, but eventually takes the money.


INT. GUITAR STORE - DAY

Kat is playing a guitar with headphones on.  Patrick comes up behind her,
then decides to leave her alone.


INT. BOOK STORE - DAY

Patrick scans the store for Kat, sees her, and follows her from the next
row of books.  When the reach the end of the aisle, he confronts her.

                       PATRICK
          Excuse me, have you seen The Feminine
          Mystique?  Iíve lost my copy.

                       KAT
          (not pleased)
          What are you doing here?

                       PATRICK
          I heard there was a poetry reading.

                       KAT
          You're so...

                       PATRICK
          Charming?

She turns and begins to walk away.

                       PATRICK
          (continuing)
          Wholesome.

                       KAT
          (turning back)
          Unwelcome.

                       PATRICK
          Youíre not as mean as you think you are, you know that?

                    KAT
          And youíre not as badass as you think you are.

                    PATRICK
          Ooo, someone still has their panties in a twist.

                       KAT
          Don't for one minute think that you had
          any effect whatsoever on my panties.

                       PATRICK
          Then what did I have an effect on ?

                       KAT
          Other than my upchuck reflex? Nothing.

She heads for the door, handing him a copy of The Feminine Mystique as
she leaves.


INT. CAFETERIA - DAY

Cameron  and Michael flank Patrick as he piles food onto his tray.

                       PATRICK
          Youíre right. She's still pissed.

                       MICHAEL
          Sweet love, renew thy force!

                       PATRICK
          Hey, man!  Don't say shit like that to  me.
          People can hear you.

                       CAMERON
          Look.  You embarrassed the girl. Sacrifice
          yourself on the altar of dignity and
          even the score.

Patrick scowls and walks away.

                       MICHAEL
          Listen.  Donít say shit like that to him.  People
          can hear you.


INT. HALLWAY - DAY

Patrick hands a wad of cash to a pudgy kid and smiles.



INT. FIELD ANNOUNCERíS BOOTH - DAY

A pair of hands are scanning the controls for the school stadiumís audio
setup.  One hand holds a cordless microphone, the other turns up the volume
on a switch labeled ďField Mic AnnounceĒ.


EXT. THE BLEACHERS - DAY

Looking down on the field where the girls are practicing soccer, Patrick
stands atop the bleachers with the microphone in his hand and begins to
sing an old love song to Kat.

He completes the first verse, as everyone watches, then gives a
signal to the pudgy kid he met in the hall earlier.  The kid is the leader
of the school marching band, which then chimes in and begins playing the
music for the song.  Kat is thrilled.

Patrick continues singing and dancing around on the bleachers, until two
cops arrive.  They grab him as the soccer team applauds his performance.

He breaks free and continues hamming about, spanks an officerís bum as he
passes, then runs away.  Kat is obviously flattered.



INT. DETENTION HALL - DAY

Patrick and several other miscreants sit quietly, mulling
over their misfortune as Mr. Chapin presides.  Mr. Chapin tries to sit
on the edge of the desk, grimaces in pain from his arrow wound, and
someone in the classroom giggles.

                       MR. CHAPIN
          (to a stoner kid)
          You look pretty nervous.

                    STONER KID
          Yes sir.

                    MR. CHAPIN
          Youíre sweating like a pig.

                    STONER KID
          Yes sir.

                    MR. CHAPIN
          Your eyes are all...bloodshot.

                    STONER KID
          Yes sir.

                    MR. CHAPIN
          Youíve got pot, donít you?

Stoner Kid hands him a bag of weed.

                    MR. CHAPIN
          Iím confiscating this.

He turns around and sees a bag of Cheetos on another kidís desk, which
he also takes, revealing possible future plans for his contraband...

                    MR. CHAPIN
          This too.

Kat suddenly enters the room and approaches Mr. Chapin.  Patrick looks
up and sees her.

                       KAT
          Um, sir?  I have some ideas on how we can improve
          the girlís soccer team.

                    MR. CHAPIN
          Great!  Letís talk about it later.

He turns away and she uses the opportunity to motion to Patrick.

                    KAT
          (whispering to Patrick)
          The window.
          (he doesnít get it)
          Window!

Mr. Chapin turns back around and she laughs.

                    KAT
          (continuing to Mr. Chapin)
          As you know, we have a really big game with Hillcrest High...

Patrick runs for the side of the room as she distracts Mr. Chapin.
Mr. Chapin begins to turn, but she grabs his arm to stop him.

                    KAT
          (gasps)
          Youíre bicep is huge!  Oh my god.  The other
          oneís even bigger.  You donít take steroids, do you?
          Because Iíve heard steroids can severely disintegrate
          your...package.

The classroom murmers, including an inexplicable older, balding guy in the
back row, who seems to be a badly cast extra.

                    KAT
          (continuing)
          Thatís not the point.

                    MR. CHAPIN
          Letís hope not.

He hears Patrick make a creaking noise and tries to turn.  She stops him.

                       KAT
          The point is, they kick our butts every year.  I was
          thinking.  I devised a plan that will enable us to
          finally defeat them.

                       MR. CHAPIN
          Which is?

Patrick is sneaking toward the window behind him, next to
a big sign that reads: ďAllís Quiet on the Western FrontĒ.

                    KAT
          (continuing)
          That thing you taught us.

                    MR. CHAPIN
          What thing?

                    KAT
          Misdirection.

                    MR. CHAPIN
          I taught you that?

                    KAT
          Yeah.  You, or Siegfried, or Roy.  Anyway,
          thatís not important.  The...

He tries to turn again and she grabs his chin to stop him.

                    KAT
          Think about it!  Um, theyíre looking left, and
          weíre running right.  Bang!  We score.  We win.

Kat starts to panic, as Patrick has yet to make it out the window.

                    MR. CHAPIN
          Okay.  But how do we get Ďem to look left?

                       KAT
          (in desperation)
          Um, like this.

She lifts her shirt just long enough for Patrick to escape.

The miscreants cheer, for both the daring escape and the
flash of skin.

                    KAT
          Okay.  Well, now that youíve seen...The Plan,
          Iím gonna go and show The Plan to someone else.  Okay.

She walks away as the classroom applauds.



EXT. IN THE BAY - DAY

Patrick and Kat peddle a small, rented leisure boat.  They are
laughing together.

                       PATRICK
          I canít thank you enough for helping me sneak out of
          detention.  Very cool.

                       KAT
          No problem.

                       PATRICK
          I thought for sure I was busted when I was climbing
          out that window, I tell ya.  So how did you keep
          him distracted?

                       KAT
          I dazzled him with my... wits.

                       PATRICK
          (after a pause)
          So what's your excuse?

                    KAT
          For?

                       PATRICK
          Acting the way we do.

                       KAT
          I don't like to do what people expect.
          Why should I live up to other peopleís
          expectations instead of my own?

                       PATRICK
          So you disappoint them from the
          start and then you're covered, right?

                       KAT
          Something like that

                       PATRICK
          Then you screwed up

                       KAT
          How?

                       PATRICK
          You never disappointed me.

                       PATRICK
          (after a romantic pause)
          Are you up for it?

                       KAT
          Up for what?

He motions to the SIGN for a paint-ball game.


EXT. PAINTBALL PARK - DAY

They chase each other around and get covered in paint,
having a good time of it.  Eventually, they end up
falling down and literally rolling in the hay, caught
in an embrace and a short bit of lip action before the
game continues.


EXT. STRATFORD HOUSE - DAY

Patrick pulls up outside Kat's house and they get out.  Paint still
streaks their hair.

                    PATRICK
          No.  None of that stuff is true.

                       KAT
          State trooper?

                       PATRICK
          Fallacy.  Uh, dead guy in the parking lot?

                       KAT
          Rumor.  The duck?

                       PATRICK
          Hearsay.  Bobby Ridgewayís balls?

                       KAT
          Fact.  But he deserved it.  He tried to grope me
          in the lunch line.

                    PATRICK
          Fair enough.

                    KAT
          The accident?

                    PATRICK
          Itís real.  I lived in Australia until I was 10.

                    KAT
          With the Pygmies?

                    PATRICK
          Close.  With my mom.

                    KAT
          Where were you last year?
          I know the porn career's a lie.

                       PATRICK
          Do you?

They pause for a moment, then laugh.

                       KAT
          Tell me something true.

                       PATRICK
          Something true?  I hate peas.

                       KAT
          No.  Something real.  Something no one
          else knows.

                       PATRICK
          (in-between kissing her neck)
          Okay.  You're sweet.  And sexy.  And
          completely hot for me.

                       KAT
          You're amazingly self-assured. Has
          anyone ever told you that?

                    PATRICK
          I tell myself that every day, actually.

He kisses her.

                       PATRICK
          Go to the prom with me

                       KAT
          Is that a request or a command?

                       PATRICK
          Címon, go with me.

                       KAT
          No.

                       PATRICK
          No?  Why not?

                       KAT
          No, I won't go with you

                       PATRICK
          Why not?

                       KAT
          Because I don't want to. It's a stupid
          tradition.

                       PATRICK
          Címon.  People won't expect you to go.

Kat turns to him, getting angry.

                       KAT
          Why are you pushing this?
          What's in it for you?

He plays the role of the guilty, accused husband, answering with
an accusatory question.

                       PATRICK
          Oh, so I need to have a motive to want to be
          with you?

                       KAT
          You tell me.

                       PATRICK
          You need therapy, you know that?  Has anyone ever told
          you that?

                       KAT
          (suspicious and a little hurt)
          Answer the question, Patrick

                       PATRICK
          (angry)
          Nothing!  There is nothing in it for me.
          Just the pleasure of your company, okay?

He takes out a cigarette.  She throws it away before she
storms off and SLAMS the door to the house.


INT. STUDY HALL - DAY

Cameron and Bianca sit together at a table.  She stares at him.

                       CAMERON
          (speaking in French)
          May I offer you a parsnip?

                       BIANCA
          (in French)
          No, you may not.

                       CAMERON
          (in French)
          Where is my uncleís pencil?

                       BIANCA
          (in French, impatient)
          I donít know.  Perhaps itís up your ass?

                       CAMERON
          (flustered, in English)
          Wait.  Wait a minute.  That, thatís not on this page.

                       BIANCA
          (in French, angry)
          Let me ask you a question, Cameron.  When
          are you going to ask me out?

She gets up and storms off.  Cameron, perplexed at this development,
obviously didnít understand what she said.  He flips through his
French book for an explanation and evidently finds one.

                       CAMERON
          (in French)
          Shit.


INT. HALLWAY - DAY

Mandella opens her locker. Hanging inside is a beautiful period-style
green dress with a note.  Mandella holds the dress up to read the note.

The note reads: "0 Fair One.  Join me at the prom.  I will be
waiting.  Love, William S."

Mandella seems pleased.


EXT. STRATFORD HOUSE/PATIO - DAY

Walter does crunches on an abdominal machine.  He is struggling
magnificently.

                       WALTER
          (grunting)
          Seven!
          (He stops and catches his breath)
          Good.

He stands up as Bianca enters.

                       BIANCA
          Daddy?

                    WALTER
          Hi, honey.

                    BIANCA
          Um, I want to discuss tomorrow night. As you know,
          it's the prom...

He has been using a stretchy arm workout device, and it suddenly
flies away off the balcony.

                       WALTER
          The prom?  Kat has a date?

                       BIANCA
          Well, no.

                       WALTER
          Donít think youíre fooling me for a second.
          I know who you want to bend the rules for.
          It's that hot rod Joey.

                       BIANCA
          Whatís a "hot rod"?

                       WALTER
          Itís a... If your sisterís not going, you're not going.
          End of story.

                       BIANCA
          Okay, letís review.  Kat: not interested.
          Me: dying to go.

                       WALTER
          You know what happens at proms?

                       BIANCA
          Yes, daddy.  We'll dance, we'll kiss, we'll
          come home.  Itís not quite the crisis situation
          you imagine.

                       WALTER
          Kissing, huh?  Thatís what you think
          happens?  Got news for you.  Kissing isn't what keeps
          me up to my elbows in placenta all day long.

                    BIANCA
          Can we for 2 seconds ignore the fact that youíre
          severely unhinged and discuss my need for a night
          of teenage normalcy?

                    WALTER
          Whatís normal?  Those damn Dawsonís River kids
          sleeping in each otherís beds and whatnot?

                    BIANCA
          Daddy, that is so not...

                    WALTER
          Got news for ya.  Iím down.  Iíve got the 411.
          And you are not going out and getting jiggy
          with some boy.  I donít care how dope his ride is.

She groans and leaves.

                    WALTER
          (to himself)
          My mama didnít raise no fool.

The stretchy arm device now comes flying back onto the patio and lands
in the hot tub.

                    WALTER
          (shouting)
          Thanks, Bill.


INT. BIANCA'S ROOM - DAY

Bianca lies on her bed watching The Real World Seattle.  A knock sounds.

                    BIANCA
          (annoyed)
          Come in.

Kat enters.

                       KAT
          (kindly)
          Listen I know...

Bianca isnít listening.  Kat turns off the TV.

                    KAT
          (continuing)
          Listen, I know you hate having to sit at
          home because I'm not Susie High School.

                       BIANCA
          Like you care.

                       KAT
          I do care. But I'm a firm believer in
          doing something for your own reasons, and
          not someone else's.

                       BIANCA
          Well, I wish I had that luxury. You know, I'm the only
          sophomore that got asked to the prom and
          I can't go, because you donít feel like it.

                       KAT
          Joey never told you that we went out, did
          he?

                       BIANCA
          (doesnít believe her)
          Yeah, okay.

                       KAT
          In 9th.  For a month

                       BIANCA
          (can tell sheís serious and is confused)
          Why?

                       KAT
          (self-mocking)
          Because he was, like, such a babe.

                       BIANCA
          But you hate Joey

                       KAT
          Now I do.

                       BIANCA
          So what happened?

Kat indicates with a nod and a raised eyebrow that they
went all the way.

                    BIANCA
          Oh!  Please tell me youíre joking.

                       KAT
          Just once, right after mom left.  Everyone was doing
          it, so... I did it.  Afterwards, I told him I
          didn't want to anymore because I wasn't ready
          and he got pissed and dumped me.

Bianca stares at her, dumbfounded

                       KAT
          (continuing)
          After that I swore I'd never do
          anything just because "everyone else"
          was doing it.  And I haven't since.
          With the exception of Bogey's party and my
          stunning digestive pyrotechnics.

                    BIANCA
          (stunned)
          How is it possible that I did not know about this?

                    KAT
          I warned him that if he told anyone, the cheerleading
          squad would find out how small his dick is.

                       BIANCA
          Okay.  So why didn't you tell me?

                       KAT
          I wanted to let you make up your own
          mind about him.

                       BIANCA
          (angry)
          Then why did you help Daddy hold me hostage?

Bianca stands up slowly

                       BIANCA
          (continuing)
          Itís not like I'm stupid enough to repeat your
          mistakes.

                       KAT
          I guess I thought I was protecting you.

                       BIANCA
          By not letting me experience anything for myself?

                       KAT
          Not all experiences are good, Bianca.
          You can't always trust the people you
          want to.

                       BIANCA
          Well, I guess I'll never know, will I?

She rises and holds the door open for Kat, then slams it
behind her.


INT. KAT'S ROOM - DAY

Kat lies in bed, staring at the ceiling.  She rolls over and
looks out the window.  Bianca is looking pitiful in a tire swing.


INT.  LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Walter sits on the couch, transfixed by an ad for an aerosol product
that covers baldness.

                       WALTER
          Interesting...

Kat descends the stairs in an elegant blue prom dress and heads for the door.

                       KAT
          Bye, dad. I'm going to the prom.

                       WALTER
          (without looking up, thinks sheĎs joking)
          Funny, sweetie.

Kat shuts the door behind her.

Bianca walks into the living room.  She's wearing a prom
dress.  Walter sees and immediately crosses to where she stands.

                       WALTER
          Whatís that?

                       BIANCA
          A prom dress.

                       WALTER
          I seem to be hearing that word a lot lately.

The doorbell rings and Bianca opens it.  There stands
Cameron in a tuxedo.  He takes in Bianca's outfit.

                       BIANCA
          Hi.

                       CAMERON
          Wow.  I, um... wow.

                    BIANCA

          Bye, daddy.

                    WALTER
          Stop.  Turn.  Explain.

                    BIANCA
          Okay.  Remember how you said I could date if Kat
          dated?  Well, she found this guy whoís actually
          kind of perfect for her.  Which is actually kind
          of perfect for me, because Cameron asked me to go
          to the prom, and I really really really wanna go.
          And since Kat went, I guess Iím allowed to, based
          on the aforementioned rule, and itís previous
          stipulations, of course.

                    CAMERON
          (extends his hand to Walter)
          Nice to meet you.

                       BIANCA
          (intercepting his hand)
          Let's go.

They dash away down the walk.

                       WALTER
          (shouting after them)
          I know every cop in town, bucko!
          (to himself)
          This is not good.


INT. PROM/DANCE FLOOR - NIGHT

A band that does not exactly suck by definition plays to a very
responsive crowd.


INT. PROM/BALCONY - NIGHT

Kat ascends the grand staircase and stops.  Patrick notices and
comes up behind her.

                    PATRICK
          Wow.

                    KAT
          You too.

He hands her a rose.

                       KAT
          Where'd you get a tux at the last minute?

                       PATRICK
          Oh, just something I had.  You know, lying around.

                    KAT
          Oh...

                    PATRICK
          Where'd you get the dress?

                       KAT
          Oh, just something I had.  You know, lying around.

He smiles.

                       KAT
          Listen. I'm really sorry that I
          questioned your motives.  I was wrong.

Patrick sighs.

                       PATRICK
          Youíre forgiven.

                       KAT
          Okay.  Ready for the prom?

                    PATRICK
          Yes, maíam.


INT. STRATFORD DOORWAY - NIGHT

Joey arrives in a tux and knocks on the door. Walter opens it.

                       JOEY
          Hi, Mr. Stratford.  Iím Joey.
          I'm here to pick up Bianca.

Walter gives him an icy glare in silence and then slams the door
in his face without saying a word.



INT.  PROM/DANCE FLOOR - NIGHT

Patrick and Kat enter.
Kat steps forward, looking around and spots Cameron and
Bianca dancing cheek to cheek.

ACROSS THE ROOM

Mandella enters nervously, in the long Elizabethan gown,
hair piled on top of her head.  She spots Kat and hurries
over, distressed.

                       MANDELLA
          Have you seen him?

                       KAT
          Who?

                       MANDELLA
          William - he asked me to meet him here.

                       KAT
          Oh, Mandella.  Tell me you haven't
          progressed to full-on hallucinations.

Patrick looks toward the stage and nods.  Mandella turns to look.

Michael - in Shakespearean-like attire bows in their direction.
Mandella beams.

Michael makes his way through the crowd over to her.

                       MICHAEL
          Milady.

                    MANDELLA
          Good sir.

Michael kisses her hand in courtly manner.


INT. PROM/DANCE FLOOR - SHORTLY AFTER

Kat and Patrick clap as the band finishes a song.  A new
song begins and Kat recognizes it.  Itís by her favorite band.

                    KAT
          Oh me god!  Itís...

                    PATRICK
          I called in a favor.

Kat stares in honest appreciation as the lead singer of her favorite
band appears on stage and makes her way to the crowd to sing directly
to Kat.  She turns back toward the stage and Patrick kisses Kat.  The
music plays.


INT. PROM/LADIES ROOM - NIGHT

Bianca is at the mirror. Chastity emerges from a stall.

                       BIANCA
          (surprised)
          What are you doing here?

Chastity is aloof.

                       CHASTITY
          Oh, I know you didnít think you were the only sophomore
          at the prom?  Joey just picked me up.

                       BIANCA
          Well congratulations.  Heís all yours.

Chastity maintains her snooty tone.

                       CHASTITY
          Very generous, princess.
          And just so you know, Joey only liked you for
          one reason.  He even had a bet going with his
          friends.  He was gonna nail you tonight.

Bianca, very disturbed, runs away.


INT.  PROM/DANCE FLOOR - IMMEDIATELY AFTER

Patrick and Kat continue to slow dance in good spirits.

                       PATRICK
          Milwaukee.

                       KAT
          What?

                       PATRICK
          That's where I was last year.  I wasn't in
          jail, I don't know Marilyn Manson, and I
          didnít sleep with a Spice Girl--I donít think.
          You see, my grandpa, he was ill, so
          I spent most of the year on his
          couch watching Wheel of Fortune and making
          Spaghettios.  End of story.

                       KAT
          (laughs)
          No way!

He's interrupted by Joey pulling him aside.

                       JOEY
          (angry)
          Hey!  What's Bianca doing here with that
          cheese dick?  I didn't pay you to take out Kat
          so that some little punk could snake me with Bianca.

Kat has heard everything.  Patrick looks at her pleadingly.

                    KAT
          Nothing in it for you, huh?

She leaves.  Patrick follows.

ACROSS THE ROOM

Michael spots the altercation and dances Mandella over to
Cameron and Bianca.

                       MICHAEL
          (to Cameron)
          The shit has hiteth the fan...eth.

Michael and Cameron leave Mandella and Bianca and head for Joey.

ACROSS THE ROOM

Michael and Cameron approach Joey quickly.

                       MICHAEL
          Joey, pal, compadre.  Listen...

Joey pushes him roughly to the ground.  Cameron passes Joey to help
Michael.

                    JOEY
          You messed with the wrong guy, and
          now youíre gonna pay.  You, and
          that little bitch.

Cameron doesnít like the sound of that.  He turns and faces Joey.

                       CAMERON
          Alright, thatís enough!  Okay?
          You crossed the line.

Joey punches Cameron in the face, knocking him to the ground.

                       JOEY
          Oh come on!  Get up, you little punk!

He turns around, just in time to catch one in the nose from a
very pissed off Bianca.

                       JOEY
          Shit, Bianca!  Iím shooting a nose spray ad tomorrow!

                       BIANCA
          That's for making my date bleed...

She belts him again.

                       BIANCA
          (continuing)
          That's for my sister...

And again.

                       BIANCA
          (continuing)
          And that's for me.

She pushes him onto the ground with Michael and Cameron.  She
and Mandella help their dates off the floor.

                    BIANCA
          (to Cameron)
          Are you okay?

                    CAMERON
          (smiling big)
          Never been better.

She kisses him and they begin to dance.  Everyone slow dances as
Joey groans on the floor and holds his crotch.


INT. HOTEL STAIRWAY- NIGHT

KAT heads for the stairs and Patrick catches up to her as they reach
the top.

                       PATRICK
          Would you give me a chance...

                       KAT
          You were paid to take me out!  By
          the one person I truly hate.  I knew this
          was a set-up!

                       PATRICK
          Kat, it wasn't like that, okay?

                       KAT
          Really?  What was it like?  A down
          payment now and then a bonus for sleeping
          with me?

                       PATRICK
          No, I didn't care about the money, okay?
          I cared... I cared about you.

She turns to face him with a countenance of both sadness and anger.

                       KAT
          You are so not who I thought you were.

In desperation, he grabs her and kisses her.  After a second,
she jerks away and flees down the stairs and out of sight.

Bianca comes running from behind Patrick, sees what has happened,
and stops.  She seems guilty now for dragging Kat to the prom and
into this mess.


EXT. STRATFORD HOUSE - DAY

Kat is sitting on the balcony railing with a sketchbook in hand.
Bianca breezes in, bearing a cup of tea, and offers it to Kat.

                    BIANCA
          You want?

Kat takes the tea.

                    KAT
          Thanks.

                       BIANCA
          So, you sure you don't want to go sailing
          with us?  It'll be fun.

                       KAT
          No, I'm fine.

                       BIANCA
          Look.  I donít know if I ever thanked you for going
          last night, but it really meant a lot to me.

                       KAT
          Iím glad.

Cameron comes jogging up the steps to the balcony, looking very
chipper indeed.  He notices the seriousness of the situation.

                    CAMERON
          (to Bianca, quietly)
          Hey.

                    BIANCA
          (quietly)
          Hey.

                    CAMERON
          You ready?

                    BIANCA
          Mm hmm.

                    CAMERON
          (to Kat)
          See you later.

                    KAT
          (waves)
          Bye.

Bianca and Cameron walk away from Kat.

                       CAMERON
          (to Bianca, quietly)
          Is she okay?

                       BIANCA
          I hope so.

They leave and moments later Walter enters the balcony from the house.

                       WALTER
          Whereís your sister going?

                       KAT
          (sarcastic, as usual)
          Sheís meeting some bikers. Big
          ones.  Full of sperm.

                       WALTER
          (not amused)
          Funny.  So tell me about this dance.
          Was it.. hoppinĎ?

She smirks at his attempted use of hip, young lingo.

                       KAT
          Parts of it.

                       WALTER
          Which parts?

                       KAT
          The part where Bianca beat the hell out
          of some guy.

                       WALTER
          Bianca did what?

                       KAT
          What's the matter?  Upset that I rubbed
          off on her?

                       WALTER
          No.  Impressed.

Kat looks up, surprised at her fatherĎs approval.

                       WALTER
          (continuing)
          You know, fathers don't like to admit it
          when their daughters are capable of
          running their own lives.  It means we've
          become spectators.  Bianca still lets me
          play a few innings.  You've had me on
          the bench for years.  And when you go to
          Sarah Lawrence, I won't even be able to
          watch the game.

                       KAT
          (hopeful)
          When I go?

                       WALTER
          Oh, boy.  Don't tell me you've
          changed your mind.  I already sent 'em a
          check.

Kat, overjoyed, reaches over and gives him a hug.


ENGLISH CLASS - DAY

Mr. Morgan stands at a podium and faces the class with an open book
in front of him.

                       MR. MORGAN
          All right.  I assume everyone has found
          time to complete their poem. Except for
          Mr. Donner...

He begins to laugh, very pleased.  Joey sulks at his desk behind
a pair of sunglasses.

                    MR. MORGAN
          ...who has an excuse.
          (to Joey)
          Shaft, lose the glasses.

Joey reluctantly removes his shades to reveal severe damage.  The
class snickers.


                       MR. MORGAN
          (continuing)
          Alright.  Anyone brave enough to read theirs aloud?

No one moves.  Then Kat slowly raises her hand.

                       KAT
          I will.

Patrick looks up.

                       MR. MORGAN
          (anticipating the worst)
          Lord.  Here we go.

Kat stands and walks to face the class.  She clears her throat
before reading from her notebook.

                       KAT
          I hate the way you talk to me
          And the way you cut your hair.
          I hate the way you drive my car.
          I hate it when you stare.
          I hate your big dumb combat boots
          And the way you read my mind.
          I hate you so much it makes me sick.
          It even makes me rhyme.

She pauses, then continues.


                       KAT
          (continuing)
          I hate it...
          I hate the way you're always right.
          I hate it when you lie.
          I hate it when you make me laugh;
          Even worse when you make me cry.

She begins to cry as she continues to read.

                       KAT
          (continuing)
          I hate it when you're not around
          And the fact that you didn't call,
          But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you;
          Not even close;
          Not even a little bit;
          Not even at all.

She looks directly at Patrick.  He looks back this time, morose,
thoughtful.

Then she walks out of the room The rest of the class remains
in stunned silence.


EXT. PARKING LOT - AFTER SCHOOL

Students are leaving school. Kat walks to her car alone. When she
opens the door, she's greeted with the same Fender Stratocaster guitar
that Patrick saw her playing in the store before, reclining in the
front seat.

She picks it up slowly, inspecting every detail, as Patrick leans in
behind her.

                    PATRICK
          Nice, huh?

                       KAT
          A Fender Strat? Is this for me?

                       PATRICK
          Yeah.  I thought you could use it.
          You know, when you start your band.
          Besides, I had some extra cash, you know.
          Some asshole paid me to take out a really
          great girl.

                       KAT
          (smiling)
          Is that right?

                       PATRICK
          Yeah, but I screwed up. I, um...
          I fell for her.

He blushes and looks down.

                    KAT
          Really?

                       PATRICK
          It's not every day you find
          a girl who'll flash someone to get you
          out of detention.

Kat is surprised and embarrassed that he found out about the flashing.

                    KAT
          Oh, god...

She laughs.  He takes this as a sign to kiss her and he does.
She lets him this time, then breaks it off suddenly.

                       KAT
          You can't just buy me a guitar every
          time you screw up, you know.

He winces.

                       PATRICK
          Yeah, I know.  But then, you know, thereís always
          drums and bass and maybe even one day a tambourine.

He gives her another kiss, which she breaks off again.

                       KAT
          And don't just think you can...

He kisses her to shut her up, not letting her end it this time.

As the music plays, we pan out of the parking lot, across to the
school building, and up to where the band is playing on the roof.
The music plays, the credits roll.


                              THE END